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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that too many people in this so called civilised society are bereft of compassion?

71 replies

spokette · 22/03/2009 20:13

Today,I did not see the news until 2pm when I tuned in to the BBC website and saw the first news item about Jade Goody.

I did not know the woman and I did not care for her or her ilk (ie slebs famous for doing nothing). However, I felt really sad for her passing and for the two children she has left behind. That is not mawkish rubbernecking, it is called compassion.

Some of the comments I read on the Have your say board on the BBC as well as on Mumsnet, have been discompassionate. Just because you do not know the person, it does not mean that you cannot empathise with them or feel sympathy for them.

I dispair at the human race sometimes.

OP posts:
paolosgirl · 22/03/2009 20:48

Agree with Spokette. The fact that there have been the vile comments that there has been on MN and other forums about her or about the people that are expressing their grief (for whatever reason) is beyond my comprehension.

It's also beyond my comprehension as to why anyone would want to weep openly about someone they don't know, but I keep that to myself and respect other people's wish to express their emotions. We 'grieve' for many people we don't know, eg on Armistice Day, but it's more about having compassion for those who died and those who lost their family members. If someone feels as if they want to cry in public, when then so what? Far worse things they could be doing.

AuntieMaggie · 22/03/2009 20:48

Why shouldn't Gordon Brown comment? Didn't he know her? Is he beyond feeling for her because he's PM?

expatinscotland · 22/03/2009 20:48

Yes, Aitch, such a thread really exists.

Right here

mumof2andabit · 22/03/2009 20:48

Since her 'media circus' the amount of woman having smear test has gone up (cant remember by how much). So she has done something pretty special, perhaps that is why so many public figure ie.PM are making statements?

FairLadyRantALot · 22/03/2009 20:48

on mothersday of all day

YANBU OP...I do think it is really sick when people make jokes about this...tasteless...

I am nt up in arms with grieve or whatever, but I do feel very sorry ...

TweetleBeetle · 22/03/2009 20:50

FFS

Yes it's terribly sad but do we really need to fill the whole of mumsnet with new threads about a woman that none of us knew?

JazzHands · 22/03/2009 20:50

There's a difference surely between saying it is sad - which it is - and going into mourning for a person you don't know - which to me seems a little odd.

There must be something that taps into some part of the national psyche in this case and with Diana. If people want to get upset though surely that is up to them.

Surely we would be a far less compassionate society if we didn't think that a young woman dying and leaving small children was sad.

Original poster
spokette · 22/03/2009 20:51

I don't think the media response has been disproportinate though. Like it or not, Jade Goody made an impact and was both revered and reviled by the media and the public. She had a public profile and whether one agrees that she was deserving of her public status is neither here or there. She was a sleb who had a following, who graced the covers of many magazines, who had her own TV shows and even her own perfume. She was the first reality TV star and what is even more amazing, is that she endured from the time she left the BB house until her untimely death.

It is self-indulgent and pure snobbery to dismiss the response to her passing. Jade Goody made an impact and should be acknowledged for embracing an opportunity that provided a way out of her old life where she had no opportunities or chance of a better life. I defy anybody who would not have done the same had they been her shoes.

OP posts:
nkf · 22/03/2009 20:52

I can't wait to see Private Eye on the subjet.

wannaBe · 22/03/2009 20:53

it's not mean-spirited to find this public grieving bizarre.

A young woman has died leaving two young children without a mother. And that is tragic. Tragic for her children, tragic for the other friends and family she has left behind.

As for the rest, there's nothing wrong with saying "oh that is sad," but after that? What else is there left to say?

The media are desparate for this to be like Diana all over again. Someone from five live was outside the house at lunchtime saying "at the moment there are more press than public, but I imagine people will be waking up, hearing the news, and making their way down here..." wtf? And the guy on news 24 was asking max Clifford "so, can you tell us a bit more about her final hours?"

Why is there this expectation that we should feel grief and sadness for someone we have never met? Why is there this expectation that people who don't cry over the death of a stranger have no compassion?

To me, the public grieving has nothing to do with the individual and just seems like attention seeking on the part of those doing the "grieving." It's all me me me me me "Oh i cried/oh I am sobbing/oh I laid flower/will go to the funeral/am deeply affected by all this." Is that compassionate? I don't think so.

Kimi · 22/03/2009 20:55

My cousin died a few years ago from cancer, on what would have been her 36th birthday, she left behind 2 young children. I posted about it here at the time and got a lot of support, people who did not know here or her family said they were sorry for my loss, felt for her family and her children. I can not understand how this is different a young mother died two children are motherless.

I do not think people would come here and say they had lost someone and expect to have scorn pored on them.

I put this very badly on another thread and I am sorry for that by the way... But I do think some people are unkind for the sake of it and it is not a nice quality in a person at all when you can not express sadness at the death of a young mother and have a dig at those who do.

AitchTwoOh · 22/03/2009 20:57

i said the public response to the coverage was disproportionate, not the coverage.

actually it's not Jade that i have a problem with, really, it's being told how to feel, being manipulated into getting into her 'the camera must be on' headspace, being lectured about despairing about society when i'm more worried that there is too much garment-rending and too little actual charity going on etc etc. horses for courses.

and no, i don't really think today is the day to have a down and dirty debate about jade goody, but by posting OPs such as this you invite it, don't you see? you're basically demanding that everyone feel a certain way or be dismissed as lacking in compassion.

Pruners · 22/03/2009 20:57

Message withdrawn

MrsFreud · 22/03/2009 20:58

well said H2O

Pruners · 22/03/2009 20:58

Message withdrawn

Original poster
spokette · 22/03/2009 20:58

wannabe, my OP post was not about the media circus. It is about criticising people who feel compassion for the passing of someone at such a young age. I agree that the excessive mawkishness is unpalatable but my OP was not about that.

OP posts:
dittany · 22/03/2009 20:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

expatinscotland · 22/03/2009 20:59

An excellent post, Aitch.

Original poster
spokette · 22/03/2009 21:01

Aitch: you're basically demanding that everyone feel a certain way or be dismissed as lacking in compassion.

No that is not what I posted. Read it again. I posted about feeling compassionate about the passing of someone and despaired at the irrevant comments.

OP posts:
AitchTwoOh · 22/03/2009 21:02

but so what, though? i mean, she is dead, she's past caring what happens on MN surely, if she ever cared at all. i've not been following the threads today, because i've been fortunate enought to be enjoying mothers' day. i've spared a thought for jade goody's family and that's it. her death can't dictate everything that happens on the internet.

TheFallenMadonna · 22/03/2009 21:02

Oh I don't know. I think it's possible to leave the people who want to say that they are sad alone for one day at least. You don't have to post everything you think, surely? I have ed along with the best of them over the Diana outpouring, and I dare say I shall over Jade, but not today.

flimflammum · 22/03/2009 21:03

I liked Jade, because she was always unashamedly herself. And it took real guts to go into the Indian Big Brother house I would imagine.

I think there's a lot of misogyny in the nasty vindictive 'jokes' about her. Can you imagine if a male reality TV show sleb was dying, such an outpouring of malice from some quarters?

Of course it's sad that a woman has died at such a young age. And it's even sadder that she has left two children. But a lot of the media are being horribly exploitative and lacking in respect. One reporter on TV (can't remember which channel) was standing outside her house reporting on how the family have asked to be left alone now. FFS! You are standing outside the house!

AitchTwoOh · 22/03/2009 21:03

but maybe i don't feel compassionate enough, seeker? it's not really affecting me at all. i've thought about it once or twice, couldn't really be bothered speaking about it at lunchtime with my family etc etc, it really doesn't affect me in any way. that MUST mean i'm lacking in compassion, surely? and that you despair of me?

wannaBe · 22/03/2009 21:05

but spokette there are certainly people being criticized for not "grieving" for Jade or anyone else public who dies for that matter.

There is a vast difference between expressing sadness at her passing, and the whole public outpouring of grief over it.
And while I haven't been on mn that much today I haven't seen any truely nasty comments about Jade, I have seen some posters say that she was not a hero or hadn't done anything spectacular and they therefore couldn't understand the reaction, but nothing stronger than that.

The thread from two years ago that has been resurrected made for interesting reading by comparison though, although perhaps today was not the right time to bring it back to show it iyswim.

AitchTwoOh · 22/03/2009 21:05

agree tfm, today's not really the day for it, but ops like this rather invite a discussion. (or they don't, they invite people to agree, as is usually the case with aibu, then disintegrate thereafter.)

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