to be a bit, don't know if it's sad or frightened or pissed off by the assumption that i'm going to miscarry...

[overthemoon72]

i'm 5 weeks pregnant. yes. i know. it's very early. it would be nice among the few people i've told if i hadn't had comments along the lines of 'fingers crossed for you', and 'let's hope it turns out ok' accompanied by [concerned face emoticon]

as i understand it I have a better than 80% chance of carrying this baby to term.

all i can now think about is miscarrying.

I've told people that i would want to know if something went wrong.

AIBU to have expected people to be happy and to assume that things would go right?

Ignore them and be positive.
I am very happy for you by the way and no idea who you are. COngrats!

They're just doing the very British jinx thing - where they worry that if they seem happy the fickle finger of fate will decree you will miscarry. And as you say, you probably won't.

From about 8 weeks (now 19) I told the people I would tell anyway if I miscarried. Quite right. Oh - and congratulations!

Congratulations OTM

I would guess they are trying to show their support and are assuming you must be worrying so feel they have to let you know they understand that... I know it is hard but I suppose they are at least trying, even if getting it wrong!

They'rprobably not even thinking it, it's just things people say I reckon.

When I announced I was expecting ds1 (engaged, living with now- DH etc, mid twenties) Mum said 'Is that a good thing?'. It was her cack handed way of being supportive but miffed me off majorly at the time.

Congratulations - yes, it's pants. Ignore them. I imagine that sadly at least some of them have bad memories of early mc.

have just hugely reassured myself by looking at the stats that it is extremely unlikely!

can't wait to tell you all on mn

It's impossible to win with pregnant people*! My lesson from MN is to quickly walk in the other direction if I see one coming towards me, to avoid foot in mouth syndrome

But congratulations! (have to restrain myself from saying 'hope it goes well for you' - I always say that!)

*also with those who wish they were pregnant but aren't.

pmsl at peachy

it's not impossible to win!!! you just express delight and excitement. full stop.

longtall is right, people are trying not to tempt fate.

Congratulations, btw!

(same way in some cultures you aren't supposed to praise children in case you draw them to the attention of bad spirits.)

'*also with those who wish they were pregnant but aren't. '

But most of all with people who look as if they are pregnant but are not, surely?

YANBU

Sometimes I think when people do this there's an element of pre-emptive schaudenfreude somewhere in there.

Especially when it comes to pg, especially from other ladies, even those too old/finished their family/don't want DCs.

There's something about pg that brings this element out in (some) people. Ignore 'em. Focus on being happy and healthy. Congratulations!

Anybody who looks pregnant I avoid too! The agony of getting that one wrong is unbearable

Not to mention saying 'bet you'll be glad when it's out' or something then engaging brain and noticing pram. Yes, I have very nearly done that. Twice.

thanks thanks thanks!

i guess is same reason why in se asia there is no number one child but children are named number 2 onwards.

human beings can be very fear based.

Exactly overthemoon72. Why can't they say "Oooh, congratulations! When's it due/how exciting/so pleased for you.

Funny how some people spring to the negative rather than the positive.

I don't buy the tempting fate excuse at all. As if fate will be tempted by their saying "Congratulations, so pleased for you!" rather than "Let's hope it turns out ok".

If anything its as if they are tempting fate by saying "Let's hope it turns out ok".

I think people just don't want you to be too gutted if the worst does happen.

when I told my boss I was pregnant with DS she looked crestfallen and said "oh well its early days, you might still lose it" I didnt work through the pregnancy though for health reasons then didnt go back afterwards for obvious reasons!!

I lived in fear of losing DS when I was pregnant with him, the thing that got me through it was so easy, I looked at every single person I could lay my eyes on, in person, on the net, magazines, tv, whatever, and I thought, each of these people resulted from a successful pregnancy! Clearly the odds are in my favour there are a hell of a lot of people around!

I get what you are saying though it isnt nice to be told you might lose your baby. Far nicer to just be happy about it but I am sure they dont mean to be hurtful.

yes and CONGRATULATIONS!

congratulatons -
for me personally I have felt uncomfortable when people have told me they are pregnant before 9-10 weeks, I have always said positive things and been very happy for the people but also thought that perhaps is was a bit early to be sharing the good news.

Telling people or not will not make any difference to how your pregnancy progresses and if it what you feel comfortable with then ignore them and enjoy a happy healthy pregnancy.

I agree, telling people wont jinx you BUT for me it was a double nightmare having to tell poeple in the space of 2 weeks that i was or had a mc after excitingly telling them we were expecting.
Twas horrid.
So we have vowed to not tell any one till we are 20 weeks if ever i get up the duff again.

I cant be bothered and simply cant face the whole palarva again.
But then with my luck, not even a positive test means anything to me because of my past experiences, so i am very very pessimistic about the whole pregnancy thing.
For myself of course becausde eit only ever feels like it is me with all the shitey crappy bad luck where babies are concerned.

A friend of mine cautioned me not to get too excited when I told him I was pregnant. His partner had miscarried recently. I did miscarry (not relevant to you) and understood where he was coming from. I wouldn't actually sayit to anyone out loud but I do think 'fingers crossed' when someone tells me they are pregnant. I'm sure people don't mean it in a horrible way, it's just a bit tactless. Nobody is assuming you will miscarry.
Congrats btw

When I was pregnant with ds2 I was told my my mum to hold this pregnancy lightly (whatever that means) and put your pregnancy completely out of your mind and forget about it totally until your 12 week scan! Er that was completely impossible how can anyone follow THAT advise?
Congratulations by the way.

She also said that when I anounced my last pregnancy and unfortunately last month I did mc - my 3rd. Whilst I understand her reasoning for offering this advise it is an impossible thing to do because once you know thats it you can't turn back the clock or shortcut the devastation a mc causes. Having said that most pregnancies are healthy and you have no reason at all to not expect to have a beautiful baby in 8 months time! So ignore them thats what I say!