Page 2 | The woman who got up the petition against a 3 year old

Reallytired · 17/03/2009 19:07

She needs to see a community paediatrian, just like my son did. Our community paediatrian was fanastic and told us that if the pre school did expel my son she would help us make a formal complaint to OFSTED. Nurseries who recieve governant funding have to cater for children with special needs.

My son had an assessment for autism by a community paediatrian and she found that he had excellent play skills but no speech. She referred him to a SLT and an audiologist. We discovered that my son had severe glue ear.

Now at the age of seven, he has no behaviour problems and is doing well.

purepurple · 17/03/2009 19:10

sorrento
they need to keep up a diary for a while and work out any flashpoints and remove them or give them stratagies to cope
they could shadow the child
or give her ways of handling difficult situations. One that I have used with success is to get them to shout my name if another child looks at them/calls them a name/sits to close/tries to talk to them or wahtever it is that triggers the unwanted behaviour, and I will then come and help them deal with it withouy it ending in violence and tears.

BouncingTurtle · 17/03/2009 19:13

No custy - triplets!!

Well done dilemma. What a horrid woman, at least she was in the minority!

A 2 yo kept shoving over ds (tiny 14mo) yesterday at stay and play, strangely enough I didn't demand his exclusion. Just thought to myself that'll be ds in 10mos time! Felt sorry for the mum as she was obviously embarrassed lol. But ds wasn't hurt and it was all forgotten about in 5 seconds!

southeastastra · 17/03/2009 19:14

blimey, how depressing, i'm having trouble with my 7 year old. maybe someone should start a new school for these problem children .

Clattered · 17/03/2009 19:14

Ruddy heck. That woman sounds unhinged.

In years to come I hope she cringes at her PFB behaviour - because there's sweetly a bit nuts and overprotective, and then there's cruel.

I wish a boisterous second child upon her. A really loud one that doesn't sleep. And who goes through a hitting phase.

And if her child isn't a PFB then God help us all.

Sorrento · 17/03/2009 19:15

purepurple - over what sort of time frame should this take, we've been putting up with this nonsense since September I am actually very close to removing my child.

piscesmoon · 17/03/2009 19:17

I wonder how long she will last before she gets a similar problem?-probably her DC will be one of these poor DCs who keeps getting moved from pillar to post.

screamingabdab · 17/03/2009 19:19

BouncingTurtle. I agree. I have been the mum of a pusher (DS2) and a pushee (DS1), and I know which was worse!

Both now lovely boys BTW

dizietsma · 17/03/2009 19:22

OMG

I missed your last thread, what a BITCH that woman is!

It's really awesome that you all stood behind the family who were having difficulties with their DD, well done.

Peachy · 17/03/2009 19:22

Agreewith rt about Paedreferral;ime getting gp to refer you direct (to either community or developmental Paediatrics) is far better than the CAMHS/ Ed PSych route a school might take which is unrleiable, often biased towards LEA budgets and time consuming

purepurple · 17/03/2009 19:23

I went through this with my DD in reception. There was a boy with ASD who took a shine to her, he used to eat her lunch, and he once pushed her head down on a picnic bench, bruising her chin. He had support but not full time. His Mum had other children who were autistic who went to school in a taxi somewhere else. My daughter went from a child who loved school so much that she wanted to go at the weekend to a child who cried that she didn't want to go to school. I had a word with the teacher and she said to write a letter of complaint to get him more support.
So I did, not because I wanted to exclude him but to get him more support. All these incidents happened at lunch and break times.
He was gone by christmas
Sorrento, they should definitely doing something about this child's behaviour.Ask for a meeting, let them know how it is affecting you and your child. 6 months is long enough to have got on top of this behaviour

Peachy · 17/03/2009 19:26

Sorrento

I can understand your dilemma (truly I can, ds1 and ds2 both been bullied as wella s ds1 being aggressive).

Whenever anyonesays to me what you just posted I say writea letter. Not a nasty petition asking for expulsion buta your-child ocussed one asking for cild x to receiveapproriate input; copy to LEA. the more they receive theeasier it will be for provision to be made which is a win-win.

I have begged parents to do this about ds1; few do. When one does though things happen

Peachy · 17/03/2009 19:27

x with purepurple

higgle · 17/03/2009 19:37

I would not want any child of mine to be in a class with another child that kept hitting other children, aged 3 or not. If the parents and nursery cannot effectively discipline the child she should be placed elsewhere.

MrsMattie · 17/03/2009 19:40

Woman sounds like a loon, and I'm sure the nursery will be a better place once she takes her PFB out out of it!

Plenty of perfectly normal 3 yr old's are hitters/biters. Of course the nursery and parents have to come up with strategies to deal with it, but loony bin petitions are not the way forward.

duchesse · 17/03/2009 19:41

That woman sounds like a lunatic, and I'm sure the nursery (and all the parents) are drawing a collective sigh of relief. I hope her daughter is never any trouble to her because if ever is, it will hit her big time...

Sorrento · 17/03/2009 19:41

Higgle it is hard not to feel that way, hence if we can afford it I'm inclined to move my DD as I am terrified I shall be dealing with school phobia before the other child is removed.
The older sister of the kid in my daughters class has not been removed and she throws things at members of staff so I worry how many letters and how long to leave it before voting with my feet.

southeastastra · 17/03/2009 19:46

where would you like the child removed to??

MrsMattie · 17/03/2009 19:46

I know!@southeastra. Bizarre. The 'not my problem' attitude. How will these children cope at school?

Peachy · 17/03/2009 19:46

The problem is higgle that there isn't much anywhere to move kids to now, all the SNU's have been closed. DS1 can't go to one because it's simply not there.

A more likely outcome is 1-1 support in the school setting, anb=d for most it is enough. It is almost inevitable there will be SN children and / or other children who hit out in your childs year, what differs is the ability of the school to deal with it.

It's worth noting that apart from a very few awful parents who almost certainly have SS involvement and for whose children security of school is a must, the parents themselves never asked for this situation; what parent of an aggressive child wouldn't move the earth to help their own child?

MrsMattie · 17/03/2009 19:56

I second what Peachy has said. My son was a terrible hitter/pusher/biter at the age of 3 yrs. At 4 yrs, he is better, but still prone to being very pushy and having outbursts of aggression. At his old nursery, the staff were fairly lame in their approach, despite lots of meetings and me and DH being totally on board. They ended up virtually excluding DS - he spent more time sitting on 'the naughty corner' than anything else - which (surprise surprise, didn't work). There were some horrid parents there, too - throwing dirty looks and talking about us behind our backs. How is that helpful, constructive or setting a good example to the children? In the end we removed our DS.

His 'new' nursery (been there since Sept 08) are fabulous in the way that they are dealing with it. We have got the inclusion manager and learning mentor on board and have got a referral to a community paediatrician. Nobody actually thinks he does have any diagnosable problem, but we are going down all the correct channels to rule it out and/or get a statement and get DS the help he needs.

And do you know what has been the most wonderful thing? the parents at the new nursery have been overwhelmingly supportive. DS still gets invited to all the birthday parties and playdates, despite the fact that he can be 'difficult'. I am able to discuss the issue openly with other parents and it makes a world of difference to everyone involved. The other children know that DS needs a bit of extra help with his behaviour, the parents are sympathetic and DS is improving no end - I believe as a direct result of the great attitude of everyone at the nursery.

If someone launched a petition against my son and I had other parents whispering in the playground...God, I can't imagine how detrimental that would be for my son and for the whole atmoshere at the nursery, which would affect all the children.

Sorrento · 17/03/2009 20:02

Why should I have to pay for private education (as the other schools in the area are full up to 30) just so that my child doesn't get hit.
It's not a case of not my problem, but my child has done nothing except be in the wrong place at the wrong time, does she deserve to have her education distrupted or be physically hurt ?

Tortington · 17/03/2009 20:04

so what do you do about it sorrento? presuming you have looked at school policy on this?

Sorrento · 17/03/2009 20:04

There are specialist unit and schools, no doubt under funded though, but frankly if my child was hitting other children at the age of 4 or 11 in her sisters case I would be too ashamed to send her to school.
As it the kid must know she's not invited to tea or parties it is a shame.

Sorrento · 17/03/2009 20:08

Well that's why I was asking advice, what we do at the moment is watch the child like a hawk before school in the playground and moan to the poor reception teacher daily but as somebody else mentioned these incidents seem to happen at lunch and playtime.

It must be awful for the parents I do appreciate that and they must feel awful but I suspect my DD feels worse (along with others she's not the only victim).