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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think a real friend wouldn't do this?

71 replies

littlelamb · 16/03/2009 20:08

I am feeling very sad I was asked to go to London for 2 days by my friend yesterday and after thinking about it for a long time I said yes. It would mean leaving 4yo dd and 9mo ds so I was a bit uncertain at first but decided I could do with a break. I rang my friend (I have no family nearby) and her boyfriend who my dc really like to ask if they would help out with childcare. THey live with her mum atm so it is a bit crowded. I said they could come and stay here for the duration, and obviously help themselves to food etc. Her bf is unemployed so wouldn't have to miss work. I said I'd give them £100 which I thought was alright. They said yes, I rang them 3! times today to make sure they really meant it as I was buying my ticket and booking the hotel. But they have just called to say that 100 isn't enough and noone else would do it for under 5 pounds an hourso I would have to give them £200 I don't have that money to give them (and tbh I'm not sure they should be askign for it) so I have no choice but to cancel. AIBU to be peed off? It is more than that really. He has nothing else to do and afaik would be grateful of the money. These are close friends as well. So now my trip is ruined and tbh I wouldn't go if they changed their minds because obviously they wanted to see if they could get more money So was I bu to offer 'only' £100 in the first place? I had thought it was more than enough They said to let them know if I change y mind, so they are obviously still available. I don't know what to feel tbh, just disappointed and let down.

OP posts:

ConnieComplaint · 16/03/2009 20:11

I look after my friend's little ones quite often...for free.

They are being greedy... sod 'em!

Nabster · 16/03/2009 20:13

YANBU

Is there no one else who could have the kids? Could your friend stay at yours and you do something locally?

PlumBumMum · 16/03/2009 20:13

I think your are being really kind offering 100 in the first place

Maybe I'm unreasonable as I would never offer to pay a close friend to mind my dcs, and I would never expect to be paid to mind their dcs, (my friend actually sees it as a complement to be asked as I rarely leave my dcs with anyone)

I think your friends are chancing their arm and are not true friends

rubyslippers · 16/03/2009 20:13

you are right - a real friend may take a few quid for food (i personally wouldn't) but to ask for £200 is outrageous

Thunderduck · 16/03/2009 20:13

£100 for 2 days seems more than adequate to me. They are rude, obnoxious and greedy. I'm sorry you had to miss out on your trip.

mylifemykids · 16/03/2009 20:14

If they were really friends they'd have done it for free! When you say you have no family nearby, how far away are they? Couldn't a relative stay with the children?

I'm cross for you. I'd love a couple of days away!!

RedFraggle · 16/03/2009 20:15

I would do this for free for a close friend - they are being a bit grasping in my opinion.

You are not being unreasonable. I wouldn't expect my friends to offer me money to look after their children for a few days. If they did offer I would say no. A bottle of wine after the trip was over would be very welcome though

jeee · 16/03/2009 20:15

Give them the money, let them babysit, and then grass them up to the social, as being benefit cheats.

QwertyQueen · 16/03/2009 20:16

YANBU!!!
that is shocking!
A friend should want to help you out, and I would have thought the offer of the place to themselves and food would have been enough, even without the £100

kitbit · 16/03/2009 20:19

I'd ask someone else! Even if they now offered for free I think I'd say no. They seem more interested is seeing what they can get out of it than ensuring you and your dc are OK, happy and looked after.

faeriefruitcake · 16/03/2009 20:20

I wouldn't ask for money for looking after my friends little boys, which I do regularly.

And if he's unemployed he shouldn't be working cash in hand jobs.

Original poster

littlelamb · 16/03/2009 20:21

Am glad you agree with me. It is enough to almost make me cry tbh but am trying not to Not had a true 'day off' since beofre ds was born and have been feeling low so could have used it. We are in Exeter and all family are in Cambridge so it's not really going to work. I don't like offering money to friends tbh but as they would have been helping me out I thought it would be nice to help them out too. But not to the tune of 200 quid! I still want to go though If I were cheeky I would give them £100 before I left saying they'd get the rest later but that is just wrong so I won't. I really don't want this to affect our friendship but I can't see how it won't

OP posts:

AlistairSim · 16/03/2009 20:21

No wonder you feel sad and let down!

I would happily have friend's children for the weekend and certainly wouldn't think to expect to be paid.

ConnieComplaint · 16/03/2009 20:23

No, don't let them mind your children.

I would feel like they were doing it just for the cash, not for the love of the children!

Just put it down to experience....

Thunderduck · 16/03/2009 20:23

You're better off without them I'm afraid to say. I hope you get the opportunity again.

DP and I are students,and looked after a friend's ds for a week,and were paid £25, we wouldn't have even accepted that but she left the envelope everywhere until we accepted.

Asking for £200 is beyond a joke.

AnyFucker · 16/03/2009 20:25

If you lived anywhere near me I would do it for you

For a box of Thorntons choccies

ninedragons · 16/03/2009 20:25

I don't see why you need friends like that in your life. They sound like ghastly people.

Can't you drop the DCs off in Cambridge? It's only an hour or so on the train from London, so you could just nip up, drop them and go straight back.

Original poster

littlelamb · 16/03/2009 20:28

ninedragons, the whole point was that these are people the dc know and see virtually every week. My family, god bless them, see them for Christmas and a few times inbetween. I really wanted to minimise the disruption for them. It's just not worth the hassle for the 'hassle-free!!' night away I had planned. London will still be there in a few months, I will go then. I am glad that you think £200 is U. I was beginning to wonder if I was just mean. Anyfucker, you are too kind

OP posts:

dittany · 16/03/2009 20:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hedgiemum · 16/03/2009 20:38

I am so glad you say in OP that you would not now leave DC with them even if they changed their minds. I totally understand you feeling sad, but think that in a few days time you may wake up feeling quite glad that you've discovered their true colours before they were left home alone with your children. The right kind of people to spend 48 hours solidly with young children would be those doing it because they care about the children (and the parent/s) and value the time with them. People who would want that to be paid on an hourly rate are not mature enough to do such a responsible thing, imo.

Could it work to arrange a holiday in Cambridge staying with your family over Easter, and you meeting the friend in London for a day or two of it?

Really sympathise with you; time off is so rare and so precious. As for it affecting your friendship with them - I would try to forgive them for hurting you (easier said than done, I know) but forgiveness is NOT the same thing as reconciliation or trust, and take with a pinch of salt them being nice to your children in future, its clearly all a bit fake; keep them as friends you see on (rare, I'm sure) nights out/time away from children. Maybe over time they will come to realise what that time away would have meant to you and grow up a bit....

SpringBlossom · 16/03/2009 20:41

I was really shocked when I read about their behaviour... I gasped out loud! (Yeah, I know, easily shocked...)

Honestly, what are people like? It was very generous of you to offer anything IMO - a close friend would have done it for nothing and been delighted with the gift you brought back for them. Some friends! I think it's a lovely thing to do looking after someone's children for a weekend, but not superhuman and presumably you would have offered to help them out in the future, if you could...I think they are inviting bad karma...

MargotBeauregarde · 16/03/2009 20:42

Wow. What dreadful people. They see you as a cash cow.

Original poster

littlelamb · 16/03/2009 20:45

I think I offered the money in the first place because I would never just assume someone would want to do it for free. And looking after 2 is hard work if you have none of your own! But actually now I think about it there are plenty of people (none of them available!) who I know would have done it for free. But it has changed my opinion of them. Big time. And I would not feel comfortable with them looking after the dc after this. Or even in my house tbh.

OP posts:

Original poster

littlelamb · 16/03/2009 20:45

And if I was minted I could see why they might be cheeky. But I am a single parent and far from it!

OP posts:

chegirl · 16/03/2009 20:48

What vile people.

I am really sorry you had to find out in this way that they are such jeremy kylers. Now you know dont have anything more to do with them. For God's sake dont pop round for a coffee it could cost you a week's wages.

I am truly sorry that you are missing out on your trip though .

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