to think that if a couple are both very disabled that they are very selfish to have children

[selfishIMHO]

who end up being their carers?
I understand that some people become ill/disabled or have accidents. But if I had a dibilitating disease and my husband had something chronic too I would npt have children that I could not give a good life to. A life that would mean from a young age they do most if not all of the housework and help me get dressed, wash etc. It's just wrong. Those poor children with the weight of the world on their shoulders.
Having children is not a right.

PussinJC - my DS's do that too and I'm not deaf (just lazy

I think part of the problem is that some families either don't know they are entitled to an assessment of their needs or fear getting involved with SS in case their children are taken away.

true

Riven, just spent a week at BCH with DS -- long story, but met a very disabled child and her parents. Is it true that disabled allowance only kicks in once they are at home? Poor baby has only ever been in hospital

do you actually know anyone with a disability OP? that is the sort of ill thought out nonsense that suggests to me you regard people with disabilities as a disability first, and actually, not even as people at all. pop off and find yourself a nice volunteering role somewhere useful (try not to be too offensive whilst you're learning) and come back and have a chat when you've investigated RL a bit.

it's ok compo - hope you didn't think I was having a go at you - I think we're both on the same "side" on this thread.

Riven, you are being quite vulgar.
Your children are not your carers?
I have 5 dcs and so they are made to help, but not do everything.
PJC, deafness is not the same as two very dependent parents.

The point is our welfare does not have enough cash and in the meantime little children are doing all the housework and care, in the case CR highlighted, for 2 parents and a younger sibling.

If comic relief has made you begin to consider the issue of care and support in the UK then I suppose you have taken a step in the right direction.

It's dreadful not to have the support needed to carry out the basics of an existence.
That's the problem, not having children whilst able bodied or disabled but how we deal with situations other than the norm in our society. How we look after those who need help support, respite and community. How we provide and prioritize something for no immediate material gain.

YABU but if it's the start of a process of understanding and empathising well done for posting here and hopefully reading and learning from the posters who give you the benefit of their experience.

I do wonder whether CR gave the full picture of that child's life though - hope it was highlighting him in order to raise money for the centre, while in reality SS are on the ball and supporting the family (even if they are, I'm sure a centre for child carers would still be A Good Thing).

but the premis of you OP is that the child is going to be the carer. People should have enough support without their children ever being their carers.
You are effectively suggesting that one of the great joys in life be denied to people because society is unfair.
Its right up there with the old arguement that mixed race couples shouldn't have children because their children will be picked on . I thought we had moved on but no...
You don't punish the parents. You don't blame the parents. You blame a government and a system that allows children and families to be placed in this position.

You change the system not the people

Agree with violethill
It's not ideal to have children if you're disabled, but then most of us aren't in ideal situations, and life is for living (and reproducing ) for all of us, not just those who tick all the boxes and have a cast iron guarantee of nothing changing for 18 years.

Excellent posts from others.

Would be a nightmare eugenics scenario if you had to be approved to have children.

I had my beautiful DDs by IVF at a time when my GP who barely knew us had to fill in a "welfare of the child" questionnaire. I am still angry that someone had to say we would be "fit" parents.

not to mention that fact that in one go you'd be banning a lot of good parents.
(and a few bad parents as well, I suppose)

As I've stated, I'm disabled and I'm telling you now, I know I'm a better parent than some non disabled parents out there..DSs vocabulary is better than what it should be for his age, his speech is clear, he knows to look at me when he talks to me and I have so many gadgets to alert me to him. He's also ahead of a lot of the other nursery children in terms of colour recognition etc etc

Yes, there is an element of him looking after me - alerting me to noises etc, but its all done totally voluntarily on his part and I have cried with happiness that he can actually hear something I can't as all I want is the best for him

"PJC, deafness is not the same as two very dependent parents."

• my god that reminds me of that programme looking for Britains top disabled model (or whatever it was called) some of the more "obviously" disabled models felt they were "more" deserving of sympathy because their disabilities (they felt) were more difficult to cope with.

What a shock they all had when the 2 deaf girls brought ear plugs to dinner and asked the others to put them in and then continue the meal as per normal...........

there should be enough help for parents who are disabled so that their children do not NEED to be their carers. A child being its parent's carer is wrong. Nobody, surely, can argue otherwise - that it is ok for a small child to physically care for the parent?

But that, to me, means social services should put the support in, to care for and support the parent AND to help with the child and not that a parent with a disability should not have a child.

yeah whip em into care riven, obviously better than a loving family home

'What a shock they all had when the 2 deaf girls brought ear plugs to dinner and asked the others to put them in and then continue the meal as per normal...........'

I loved that episode!

Especially when the one deaf girl commented, 'Welcome to my fucking world!'

Great post Ronaldhinio.