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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to snatch a toy off a 4 year old.....

33 replies

tessofthedurbervilles · 15/03/2009 19:37

Well I am but worried that I am clearly no better than a child.
Four year old who I brought present for
parent 'say thank you for the present'
child 'no'
parent 'I said say thank you'
child 'no'
parent (looking mortified) 'please its a nice present'
child 'but I don't like her'

ARRRRRRGGGGHHHHH I could have died on the spot....I wanted to take the present back and say 'well let me give it to a child that does like me you little horror'

Instead I swallowed the shame, gave a hollow laugh and said 'arh isn't he a sweet little thing'

OP posts:
Habbibu · 15/03/2009 19:39

Hmm. I'd have held back on the hollow laugh and the smile, and gone with silence and a basilisk glare. And suggested the parent grow a spine.

nikkid21 · 15/03/2009 19:42

YANBU - I would have taken it off of the child with words to the effect that 'if you can't say thankyou then you can't have it'.

I've done it when giving friends children a biscuit. I take it off them and put it back in the tin. (until they ask nicley with a please) My friends don't seem to mind - I would expect them to do the same to my children if they are rude.

Niftyblue · 15/03/2009 19:51

If it had been one of mine DC
I would of taken the presant of him handed it back and said "thanks but until he can be polite to you he can`t have it"

He should`nt of got away with being rude like that to you

ScottishMummy · 15/03/2009 19:51

behave the child is 4yo.parent demanding a thanks makes child more resolute not to say it

give graciously - don't expect thanks.it is nice but not completely necessary

cut the 4yo some slack

your scowling indignation probably terrified wee mote

wombleprincess · 15/03/2009 19:51

erm... how old are you?

juicyjolly · 15/03/2009 19:54

By the age of four a child should know to say thankyou, especially when prompted by their mum. Letting them off with it would only give the child mixed messages.

PuppyMonkey · 15/03/2009 19:55

I'd PMSL at that, sorry! Kids are fabulous aren't they?

puffling · 15/03/2009 19:57

Have you got a dd? Did they mean they didn't like her or you?

Original poster
tessofthedurbervilles · 15/03/2009 20:31

No kids yet, am 7 months pg so probably hormonal.....it was quite funny on the outside looking in as the 4 yr old was so matter of fact and myself and parent mortified and totally at a loss what to say.

OP posts:
FlorenceofArabia · 15/03/2009 20:31

She's 4 for pete's sake. Of course she knows how to say thank you and maybe on another day she would have been a delight.

Sidge · 15/03/2009 20:36

The child is 4.

That's what they do.

You're lucky he didn't say "I don't like her because she's a poo poo bum head and smells of poo." Because that's what 4 year olds do when they are put on the spot IME!

clemette · 15/03/2009 20:37

I was reading about this last night as my DD is quite blunt with my mum and it really upsets her. All the research suggests that it is nothing to do with manners, pre-schoolers are not capable of the sophisticated thought that means they should not tell the truth in order to protect someone's feelings.
So, although it must have been embarassing, it does not mean that the child is naughty, it means that the child has just turned 4 (and is pushing the boundaries in relation to following mum's instructions just as many of them are).

screamingabdab · 15/03/2009 20:54

tessofthedurbevilles. I don't blame you for being peeved, but I promise it's not personal. My DSs (both of whom i am pretty sure like, if not love me), have told me that not only do they not like me, they, in fact hate me, that I have ruined their lives etc etc.

It is just possible that your littleun will do the same one day.

Good luck with your pregnancy

edam · 15/03/2009 21:06

"but I don't like her" = 4yo response to being put on the spot and told to do something they don't feel like doing. Not particularly personal, I promise! (Although if it had been ds, he would have received at least a stern telling-off, if not being made to hand the present back.)

mumeeee · 15/03/2009 22:29

YABU, 4 year olds say that sort of thing and it was probably made worse by a parent insiting he said thank you.

Jaquelinehyde · 15/03/2009 23:02

If anyone of my DC's behaved that way I would remove the toy from them and say something along the lines of "well we don't accept toys from people we don't like and we always say thank-you when we do accept a toy".

I really don't get how it's acceptable for a child of 4 to be rude.

clemette · 15/03/2009 23:15

Why is telling someone who you don't like that you don't like rude if you have been told you always have to tell the truth?
Don't get me wrong, I would be cross if my children did it to other children but I do think that adults need to develop a thicker skin to the words of those who do not have the emotional capacity to be deliberately hurtful.

wombleprincess · 16/03/2009 08:30

no its not acceptable for a child to be rude but cleary the parent is doing everything they can to teach him/her not to be rude and guess what, sometimes kids dont obey!

wotulookinat · 16/03/2009 08:44

The kid's mum must have been mortified. Don't be too upset about it though - it's just a four year old, and they change their minds about who/what they like every five minutes.

I took my two year old to a four year old's party a while back, and my son won the pass the parcel. I was a bit peeved when the birthday boy said 'I didn't want him to win. I don't like him', but even more so when the mum said 'Oh, I didn't mean him to win'.

Don't take it to heart.

Sorrento · 16/03/2009 08:57

YANBU - I hate brats, I bet you won't be buying anything next year, it's all the parents fault but what might seem cute or excusable in a 4 year old would be embarrassing in a 14 year old as they will no doubt find out.

cornsilk · 16/03/2009 09:01

'I hate brats' 'It's all the parents fault'
Nice.

piscesmoon · 16/03/2009 09:07

He is only 4 yrs old and being honest. The mother needs to work at it -social niceties need time. You will find, tess, that you have many embarrassing moment to cover as in, 'mummy why is that lady so fat'.You can't anticipate everything that your DC will say and in the present giving situation I would have had a talk about it after you had gone.

duchesse · 16/03/2009 09:17

4 yr olds can be difficult but on the other hand his mother should be enforcing social niceties quite proactively at this age. I would hope she did not take it any further there and then because she did not want to make a scene in front of you and make you feel uncomfortable, rather than because she is too weak to stand up to her child. I would have said "would you excuse us please?" to you, taken the kid outside for a few moments and told him that unless he said thank you, the present was going back to Aunty Tess. Would always do the trick with my 4 yr olds.

screamingabdab · 16/03/2009 09:20

duchess. That is exactly what I would do.

Original poster
tessofthedurbervilles · 17/03/2009 15:37

While it was funny and I am laughing about it now I have to say that my mum and dad's approach will be adopted in chez Tess when bump is 4 'there are children in this world who would be grateful of this toy lets give it to one of them'

OP posts: