Why does my mum do this? doesn't it seem odd to anyone else?

[HopelessRomantic]

So a few months ago my mum went to a farmer's market. She asked me if I wanted anything bringing back and mentioned that they do nice cornish pasties. I politely explained that we don't like cornish pasties but would perhaps try their black pudding.

So she goes and comes back with Cornish pasties. I thanked her anyway and we did eat them ... we were not keen however and when she asked us what we thought, I replied "they were really well made, but we just don't like cornish pasties in general ... but thanks anyway".

So the next weekend she asks again if we want anything from the farmers market. I give a straight "No thanks". She comes back with some cornish pasties I thanked her but didn't say we enjoyed them...instead I said "I'll have to try and get through them all as the kids won't touch them". I said it in a nice way. My mum seemed to understand that we didn't like them.

So the weekend after, she asked if we wanted anything from the market. I said "No, definately not. But thanks anyway". She mentioned they do a nice lamp and mint pie and looked quite offended so I caved and said I'd try the lamp pie. She said "do you want me to bring you some cornish pasties back?" so I said "no, we just don't like them".

So she goes, comes back and says very apologetically "they didn't have any lamb pies". I say "oh its ok, thanks for looking anyway" so she cheers up and says "but I did get you some cornish pasties!"

WHY? WHY? WHY? would you do this??

She does it with everything. She started buying me some soap bars from a similar market. I have very sensitive skin and cannot use them. I told her this but thanked her anyway for the thought. So she now buys me 3-4 bars of it everytime she goes!

If its just related to market stuff I would just tell her to keep the cornish pasties/soap/etc as you don't like them. If she has to take them away with her it may reinforce the fact that you don't like them.
Otherwise I would say something like "mum, everytime you go to the farmers market you bring me back cornish pasties. I've told you several times I don't like them. Do you think you have a problem with your memory and should see a doctor?"
She can always freeze the spare psties. It's daft you accepting them if you don't like them. Fair enough as a one off, but not every time.

agree wuth 2 rebecca
also just want to reiterate my mum was exactly like this for many years.
At first it was just as you describe latching onto a particular thing about a person,like my dh loved a special cheese so always got it,i loved salmon so we always had it.My brothers were adamant she didn't listen,i wasn't so sure.Later she would tend to go on and on about the same thing at the table for example and later still she would develop two different memory loss syndromes.She had an alchol problem ,does your mother drink a lot?Even if she doesn't the muddles could be from ageing dementia or small strokes.I don't want to worry you but equally i don't think you should discount it.
How long has this been going on?

lol @ boco

I'm not sure whether to laugh in recognition (which I have) or furrow my brow in concern (which I did, and then started thinking more about my mum...) My mum buys us the same things over and over because we said we liked them once when we were about 10 (we are now in our late 30s). My DD is dairy intolerant, so my mum keeps giving me endless vegetarian recipes and weird grains to feed her with (no mum, she eats meat, she just can't have dairy). She also spends a lot of time getting cross with banks, businesses, shops etc because in her view they are being difficult, whereas the reality is that she's not doing something that they are asking for, perfectly reasonably (like your mum with the birth certificates).

I don't know what to say. I was wondering dementia too at first, but like I said, I realised my mum is just the same and drives me just as mad.

Oh and by the way, I call my children and their cousins by all their names before I get the right one. I think that's just baby-brainitis.

oh my parents do this 'eleanor, martha, elizabeth... eventually after they've run through all their younger siblings they get to my name.

And my mum calls my son my younger brother's name! But my Dad calls him the (dead) dog's name! They love him really.

pmsl at the dead dogs name!!

ach he was a lovely dog though!

I have called my DD the dogs name - but at least he is alive and often in the same room. And actually they are often both trying to nick biscuits so perhaps not so unreasonable.

My mum is like this and always has been. The odd thing is that her mum was the same to her and she ALWAYS complained how annoying it was that Granny kept buying xzy when she didn't need/want xzy.

It would either be odd things from the market "that I thought you'd like" or a food item she had opnce said was tasty.

My mum will do mad things like present me with a large bolster of curtain fabric, completely unsolicited and with no prior warning, because it was "only £10, absolute bargain" but which i cannot use as i have curtains in all the windows i want them in and any way wtf am i going to do with an unmeasured lump of fabric in a pattern i wouldn't have chosen. Then she will seriously ring up to find out where in the house I've put the fabric...

Glad to see others have mentioned the menopause. My mum was exactly like this. It can take years to get over it as well. Does your health centre do a well woman clinic? You could make an appointment for both of you to have a check up, obviously with the intention of talking to someone about her memory.
As for the pasties,pop them in the post to me, I'd kill for a pastie

I have often called DH by our dead dog's name, that in itself is not so worrying.

My mum is forgetful and tells me things several times, again, not so unusual.

What I find worrying about your Mum, Hopeless, is the passport and the pasties. As amusing as the stories are, they do seem a bit extreme, particularly the passport.

Could you speak to her GP about her? Does she go to the GP occasionally? Or to church, that you could have a chat to the vicar?

While I am not making light on your problems, I have to say my mum is deaf now (in her 70s ) but refuses to admit it.

But she has been like you have described for at least 30 years! Every year, I'd get a box of licourice alsorts in my christmas stocking. I loathe licorice. My brother would get jelly babies. He loathes them.
When I was 16 or so, I finally admitted that I hated licorice and brother hated jelly babies. She was utterly crestfallen. And bewwildered.
''well who is it thsat likes licorice then?''
Me: ''None of us like licorice, mum''
''well what about jelly babies?
''None of us mum!''

But every year she still buys us them!

She has an obsession for towels now. But she rings me up to tell me about the great towel reduction offers they have in Tesco etc....

lol mollyroger