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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want to kiss after 1 date?

44 replies

Obi2 · 14/03/2009 11:57

I've been out with a man once. Nothing special. We have talked on MSN since. But nothing heavy. However he came to my house this morning, we were supposed to be going for a coffee and I saw him through the window pull up outside the house. So rather than wait for him to knock on the door I grabbed my coat and went out to meet him. He stood on the garden path in front of me, did not start walking back to the car like I expected. It was obvious he was waiting for me to kiss him err ... no I don't think so! I hardly know him!

So I ignored this, walked around him and stood at the car. He took the hint. But when he brought me back he did the same thing again but this time he said "let me have a kiss on the cheek at least" and went to kiss me. He's making out that I'm frigid but surely its not unreasonable to not want to do the kissy kissy thing after only one date??

We're supposed to be going out tonight but I just know he's going to try it on again and its putting me off.

So AIBU to not want to kiss so early on??

OP posts:

Tommy · 14/03/2009 11:59

NBU at all - if you don't want to kiss him - don't.
If he doesn't like it, then that's his problem isn't it?!

electra · 14/03/2009 12:00

Not at all, you should not kiss him if you don't want to!

fleacircus · 14/03/2009 12:00

No, no U, but if I didn't even want to kiss a man's cheek I probably wouldn't bother with another date, TBH.

Original poster

Obi2 · 14/03/2009 12:01

What pisses me off the most is that he MUST be able to see that he is making me uncomfortable so why the hell would you carry on and insist?

Personally if I knew someone didn't want to do something ... especially something so personal I wouldn't push it.

Bloody men.

OP posts:

Coldtits · 14/03/2009 12:02

I'm with fleacircus - if I couldn't bring myself to kiss a man's cheek, I woouldn't be going ANYWHERE with him.

motherinferior · 14/03/2009 12:03

Er, well, I personally usually shag on a first date (or before)

Coldtits · 14/03/2009 12:05

Oh MI

i would NEVER consider such a thing it's all a young man can do to escape my grasp get my attention

motherinferior · 14/03/2009 12:07

A friend once pointed out that otherwise it doesn't really count as a date.

I think I might be on the wrong thread though. And am a Very Respectable Middle Aged Matron these days (chizz).

Coldtits · 14/03/2009 12:09

Well they do say, if you can't be good, be careful. And if you can't be careful, remember the date.

kormachameleon · 14/03/2009 12:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MadameCastafiore · 14/03/2009 12:12

Why do you weant to spend time with someone who so obviously makes you uncomfortable?

Do you not want to kiss him? Does he not make you feel in any way at all that you would like at some point to jump into bed with him?

If no I would give it up as a nonstarter!

lou33 · 14/03/2009 12:14

if you feel that uncomfortable with him why on earth are you seeing him again?

if you dont want to kiss him then dont, but at the same time a kiss on the cheek goodbye is hardly salacious,or unreasonable of him to hope for, it doesnt mean you are giving him the green light for sex

but if it makes you feel awkward then you shouldnt be seeing him for a second date

are you sure you are ready to be dating, or do you feel like you should be, iyswim

BrokenFlipFlop · 14/03/2009 12:17

I don't think its unusual for a guy to want to kiss on a first date HOWEVER if it were me, I would only do what I felt comfortable with and not what he wanted.

You went for a coffee, what happens after he takes you out for dinner? ie what will he want then?

I've met guys who have subscribed to this weird and very twisted logic ie they take you for dinner and then 'expect' something more and feel they have the right to ask for it!

I kind of think that if someone likes you then they will do everything to make sure you feel comfortable.

ABetaDad · 14/03/2009 12:21

YANBU. I would feel very uncomfortable.

It took me and my wife a year of knowing each other very very well before first kiss stage'.

MadameCastafiore · 14/03/2009 12:23

Bloody hell Betadad - a year - what would you have done if she had jumped on you?

Or were you just friends or colleagues and not really dating?

FairLadyRantALot · 14/03/2009 12:28

really ABetaDad...how unusual...
(but then my dh and I started out as a one-night-stand on the first night we met )

To Op , I am with Fleacircus, too....

lol at MI...

solidgoldbrass · 14/03/2009 12:31

Are you generally someone who takes a long time to be comfortable with having any physical contact with new people? Or is it just that you don't feel comfortable with this particular man?

bigTillyMint · 14/03/2009 12:37

I'm with fleacircus - life's too short to wast time going out with a man you don't even fancy

LaDiDaDi · 14/03/2009 12:44

Hmmm, I don't like kissing people socially eg when going to a party and everyone in the room kisses hello and goodbye but in this case you have chosen to spend time with this man in a romantic context.

I'm with those who say that if you don't want to at least peck his cheek then perhaps you shouldn't be seeing him again unless this is how you normally are with new men in which case YANBU but you are being unusual and it may well be beyond his experience of dating to go out with a woman who likes and fancies him but doesn't feel ready to kiss on a first date.

cilitbang · 14/03/2009 12:53

Doesn't sound like he's 'the one', surely if you found him attractive you'd be dying for that first kiss. Do you enjoy his company, fancy him, find him attractive? If not.....I'd be saying 'TTYN' 'a la Paris Hilton'

ABetaDad · 14/03/2009 12:54

MadameCastafiore/FairLadyRantALot

Well she really hated me to start with but we were very very close for about six months before it happened and when it ... well yes she did leap on me. Actually she dragged me into her room at University and literally pinned me against a wall.

Thing is that, within a minute of meeting her for the very first time, I knew for certain that we would get married and be together for ever so there did not seem to be any need to hurry things along.

She has never believed that I really felt like that about her from the moment we met - but it is absolutely true.

BouncingTurtle · 14/03/2009 13:28

Aww you soppy thing, Abetadad

tootyflooty · 14/03/2009 13:40

I was going out with my hubby for 6 months before we slept together, that may seem old fashioned but you need to feel really comfortable with someone before you get intimate, kissing is intimate depending on how you do it ! So no, you are not unreasonable or frigid, but if he is making comments along those lines i wouldn't bother going out for dinner, it doesn't sound like you are going to get on at all.

CrackerNut · 14/03/2009 13:44

I think you are being a bit unreasonable yes.

Of course you shouldn't kiss him if you don't want to, but I don't think he is weird to ask or expect it, and I agree with the others who have said that there doesn't seem much point to continuing with him.

I am quite a shy, reserved person, but would most definatly kiss on a first date.

Dior · 14/03/2009 13:59

Agree that if you have no intention of kissing him there can't be much chemistry. You also described him as 'nothing special'...why are you seeing him?

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