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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want to kiss after 1 date?

44 replies

Obi2 · 14/03/2009 11:57

I've been out with a man once. Nothing special. We have talked on MSN since. But nothing heavy. However he came to my house this morning, we were supposed to be going for a coffee and I saw him through the window pull up outside the house. So rather than wait for him to knock on the door I grabbed my coat and went out to meet him. He stood on the garden path in front of me, did not start walking back to the car like I expected. It was obvious he was waiting for me to kiss him err ... no I don't think so! I hardly know him!

So I ignored this, walked around him and stood at the car. He took the hint. But when he brought me back he did the same thing again but this time he said "let me have a kiss on the cheek at least" and went to kiss me. He's making out that I'm frigid but surely its not unreasonable to not want to do the kissy kissy thing after only one date??

We're supposed to be going out tonight but I just know he's going to try it on again and its putting me off.

So AIBU to not want to kiss so early on??

OP posts:

piratecat · 14/03/2009 14:07

has he said or done other things to annoy you? you seem very angry. or is it nerves, or uncertainty?

HecatesTwopenceworth · 14/03/2009 14:10

are you attracted to him?

used2bthin · 14/03/2009 14:21

I am out of practise with all this but I think a peck on the cheek as greeting is ok. But to ask for it seems a bit pushy if you are uncomfortable. Agree with the others who say that it doesn't sound like you are attracted to him?

People have different views on this, some people kiss thier friends hello, I don't tend to but don't object to it either. Ah this is making me cringe a bit at my recent date, he went to kiss me hello, I kissed him on the cheek and moved back but he was going for the kiss on both cheeks thing. I felt a bit unsophisticated as hadn't expected that at all

flowerybeanbag · 14/03/2009 14:31

YANBU to refuse to kiss anyone you don't want to, of course, but if you are so uncomfortable with him and don't fancy him, and aren't excited about seeing him, why go out with him at all?

JaneSeymour · 14/03/2009 14:36

I think a kiss is very intimate

I wouldn't want to kiss someone I just met

If it was a good friend I'd already got to know and fancy, fine - but not just a kiss for the sake of it. This situation sounds like more of a getting-to-know-him thing atm, rather than a romantic relationship as such. Internet dating is like that. How can you possibly know if you want to kiss someone after one date?

JaneSeymour · 14/03/2009 14:40

Even someone I really fancy, it takes me ages until I feel comfortable enough to kiss them. It all has to do with commitment, for me - it begins in my head way before anything intimate or physical can happen.

I don't think you should let him pressure you. You might need to explain it though or he could interpret it as personal iyswim - men don't always understand.

For me I'd need to be sure someone was making a real emotional commitment to me before I kissed them. It's pointless otherwise.

Kisisng on the cheek is a bit different - I can usually manage that.

solidgoldbrass · 14/03/2009 14:45

Where is the OP? Has someone shown her his willy and she's fainted?

JaneSeymour · 14/03/2009 14:51

that's open minded and supportive, sgb..

cilitbang · 14/03/2009 14:52

PMSL SolidGB

HecatesTwopenceworth · 14/03/2009 14:52

meanie! I think it's sweet. Nice. Innocent. Romantic. Nowadays people exchange bodily fluids before they've even been introduced and a prude is somone who won't take it up the arse on a first date!

I think it's rather romantic to have a courtship without tongues rather than the usual lager and lime in the pub then back to yours for a stuffing!

cilitbang · 14/03/2009 14:55

In a sleazy hotel is much better...IMO

JaneSeymour · 14/03/2009 14:58

I think it's awful when women call other women prudish for things like this

It does nothing for the sisterhood

It makes ruder men feel validated in their quest for instant sex

v depressing really.

cilitbang · 14/03/2009 15:04

Oh no, I'm not calling her prudish at all. I'm not. good for her to stick to her morals and if she doesn't feel comfy with doing anything, why should she do it, its all about different people's attitudes. Each to their own. I just enjoy a bit of hide the sausage a bit more than the average gal.

JaneSeymour · 14/03/2009 15:08

I'm not having a go at you, cilit...

just some of the attitudes on here really, makes me sad. Lots of people have been very supportive to OP as well though.

cilitbang · 14/03/2009 15:15

JaneS . Yes OP strikes me as one who wouldn't feel pressured into anything. Good for her. I wonder if she gets it on with him eventually and looks back on this thread and laughs?

ihavenewsockson · 14/03/2009 16:05

i am never inclined to do something if i feel forced or pressured into it. even if it's something that i do actually want to do.

could that be what's going on? you fancy him and quite like him and would kiss him if you felt so inclined but feel put off cos he pushed for it?

that's preferable to dating someone you don't fancy surely.

OR maybe its an early warning to you: if he's pushing for something whilst knowing that it made you uncomfortable on the first day, what might he be like in the future further into the relationship.

LoveBeingAMummy · 14/03/2009 16:30

Please don't go out with him - if you feel this uncomfortable in the street how will you feel when he gets you on his own???!!!???

Longtalljosie · 14/03/2009 17:18

I don't think the issue is whether you want to kiss on a first date as a rule...

The problem is you avoided kissing him and he then put you under pressure to kiss him anyway. The man's an arse.

solidgoldbrass · 14/03/2009 21:04

Oh, I think everyone has the right to choose how much physical contact they have with other people, of course - but if you are someone who is sufficiently reserved not to want to kiss someone on the cheek then you do have to mention it if you actually like the person. Because it's a bit mortifying, generally, to go for what you think is very average, acceptable physical contact (a kiss, a handshake, a friendly hug...) and have the other person react as though you'd shat in your hand and thrown it at them.
It's quite hard to tell from the Op whether she is a little reserved or maybe has a few issues with socialising anyway - or whether the bloke is a pushy, creepy arsehole, or just someone who meant to be friendly, got rebuffed and didn't handle it all that tactfully.

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