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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU not to expect someone to phone my house at 10 pm when...

28 replies

pinkdolly · 13/03/2009 07:34

I have 3 young children (6, 5 and 2) and am 36 weeks pg. Dh had just come from a meeting with these people so had nly just seen them.

They are members of our church so know about me being pg and we are quite friendly with them. But...

The previous night I had been up since 3am (not been sleeeping) so was ina real deep sleep. (obviously they didn't know this). I shot awake when the phone went and felt like my heart was racing and my stomach in my throat. It took me another 3 hours to get back to sleep after that and woke up at 6 this morning, so am feeling a bit fragile today.

And..

TBH, I dont know what annoys me the most, the late time they called or the conversation that ensued...

Here it is will call him R (the caller obviously)-

Dh- sorry about that had to pull phone wire out of the wall coz Pinkdolly hasn't slept last night and didn't want her woken up. (dh had rang him back, but he had woken me by that stage obviously)

R- Me and K (wife) are thinking about going away on the 9th April and wandered f you would have our 2 bordie collies for us for the week (we have babysat them for a couple of nights before on several occasions)

Dh- Any other time you know we would but Pinkdolly is due to pop on the 8th and it's a bt much tbh.

R- What if we make it the week before then?

Dh- Emm, no, sorry Pinkdolly is not sleeping and I will be at work unless baby already here, so still too much sorry.

So AIBU- to think that you shouldn't really pphone a house with young kids let alone a pg mummy this late in the day. Especially when you had just been with the husband and could quite easily have spoken to them the next day.

And AIBU to think that it is out of order to ask said heavily pg lady to take care of your 2 mad border collies the week of her impending birth.

I just think some people are truely bonkers.

I would never phone a household with young kids after 8pm.

These people do have grown up kids btw so surely they should no better.

So what do you think? Is it just my hormones making me all emotional, or do I have a point?

OP posts:
spicemonster · 13/03/2009 07:37

I would never call someone after 10pm unless they were good mates and/or we were both in 20s and still going out on the razz all the time. It's definitely waaaaaaaaaaaaay too late to call to ask for a favour.

Clearly they're psychos. Go to your church you say?

Confuzzeled · 13/03/2009 07:39

Personally I don't think your being unreasonable, I don't call anyone after 9pm. If I really need to I text them to ask if it's okay to call.

On the other hand dh calls his parents and they call him up to 11pm at night. I don't understand it, but it's just the way they are.

It is a bit ignorant of them to ask you to watch their dogs when your so pregnant but maybe they're just desperate and thought they'd give it a try.

JaneSeymour · 13/03/2009 07:39

Have they ever had children? They are bonkers if so

MrsMcCluskey · 13/03/2009 07:39

YANBU - how rude of them.
I never call anyone after 9pm unless urgent.

nickschick · 13/03/2009 07:42

I think a bit of both- is that allowed in aibu??

Yes you are hevily pregnant and busy with your family

but

Life doesnt stop for everybody,they were perhaps arranging a quick short getaway- maybe since theyd arrived home something had cropped up.

People dont respect the 10pm fone call barr-I hate being called after 10 however friends seem to not mind at all and frequently call to ask stupid things.

As your dh had just come from church maybe they see you as family??

NewTeacher · 13/03/2009 08:50

If you dont like late night calls then put your phone on a low ring. I dont like to be woken up from deep sleep by a loud phone so the one in the bedroom is on a very low ring which means I dont get startled.

I dont think 10pm is that late. But then again thats me

AS for the dog sitting YANBU how do they expect you to manage when you are so far gone in your pregnancy???

MarshaBrady · 13/03/2009 08:55

Bad to ring someone so late just for a favour when clearly you are very busy and about to have a baby.

girlywhirly · 13/03/2009 09:00

YANBU at all. DH told them that you're due the time they want to go away, and they expect you to cope? Your balance in late pregnancy is a bit iffy, and two boisterous dogs could easily cause you to have a fall. How do they think the dogs will be around a new baby, if it comes early I mean? This was not an urgent call and could have waited until next day, but people often do things as they think of them, otherwise they forget. Their kids are older and they've forgotten how things are. I wonder why their children aren't their first choice for dog sitting.

Frankly, I'd switch off the volume on the phone after a certain time in the evening, and let the answering facility take any messages, if DH is still awake, he can check until he goes to bed, and answer anything pressing. My dad did this when a member of his church who had bipolar disorder rang him frequently through one night during a manic phase, disturbing mum who had a serious heart condition. He rang me the next evening to say he was switching off their phone after a certain time and if I needed to contact urgently to call a nearby relative (with the relatives approval)

DH has refused them now, don't worry about it.

wotulookinat · 13/03/2009 09:04

YANBU YANBU

georgimama · 13/03/2009 09:10

I think phoning anyone unless it is a dire emergency before 8am or after 9pm is very very rude. To do so to ask a favour about their border collie is just so WTF it's off the scale. You would be perfectly within your rights to tell them so.

VinegarTitsCoveredinChocolate · 13/03/2009 09:10

Surely he could have waited until today to ask you the favour, he sounds very insensitive, i wouldnt ring a person who i knew who was heavily pg with 3 small dc, but some people are selfish and stupid like that

Bucharest · 13/03/2009 09:13

I hate being called after 6!
So, no, YANBU.

ByThePowerOfGreyskull · 13/03/2009 09:15

you are not being unreasonable at all.
If our housephone rings after 9pm I assume there is an emergency.

Original poster
pinkdolly · 13/03/2009 09:22

Thanx for all the replies, just needed to rant this morning.

All their children live away, but we are part of a big church where others could help and they have used kennels before now. So I am sure I am not the only option.

Dh did say that it would be a good idea to unplug the phone after I go to bed (this was after I came down bawling my eyes out, like the over emotional pg mad women I am).

They are lovely people, just a bit random really. The week before his wife had rung a friend of ours (also from the church, also with young children), at 9:50. To say that she would need to borrow something from her in a couple of weeks time. Friend was also a bit at why the phone call had to be made there and then.

OP posts:
emmabemmasmom · 13/03/2009 09:25

YANBU...

My DH uses his mobile as his alarm and sometimes his friends will text him late at night. It is a running joke with one to do it as we are usually in bed by 10pm even on Friday (as my DH works Saturdays too and I am 32 weeks pregnant and like my sleep) and this guy thinks it is funny to ask if we are still up...

So one night I texted him back in a joking, yet serious manner, and said "Angry pregnant woman here. Wake me again and feel my wrath." He texted back "LOL"...but have not had late night texts from him again...

Somtimes you just need to tell these people what your own rules are since everyone has different ones!

MarshaBrady · 13/03/2009 09:26

I don't think you should unplug the phone at all.

Someone should say to them it is too late to call people with young children and pregnant.

susiey · 13/03/2009 09:43

i think 10pm for an non emergency is unreasonable

if someone calls our landline after 10 i think its an emergency and panic!

you are not being unreasonable

gardeningmum05 · 13/03/2009 09:56

i would be mad at them ringing at that time, but even more angry that they want you to look after their dogs when you are due! are they stupid?
for goodness sake you have 3 children, one on the way, dont they think you have enough to deal with.
i am a mum of 4 and if some one asked me to look after their dogs, quite frankly i would laugh in ther face!

LouMacca · 13/03/2009 10:01

YANBU. Very rude. I would be very cross if someone called me after 10pm unless it was an emergency. My MIL did it once (my twins were about 2 at the time, I was fuming!) - she never did it again

nickytwotimes · 13/03/2009 10:02

10pm!
Noone would should phone at 10 pm unless it was an emergency. Or they are overseas.

nbee84 · 13/03/2009 10:12

emmabemmasmom - obviously not sure what phone your dh has but all the phones I've had, you can set the alarm and then switch the phone off. The alarm will still go off at the designated time.

Hope this helps

emmabemmasmom · 13/03/2009 10:24

LOL Thanks for the tip. I will try telling my DH that although he is one who checks his alarm about 50 times before he falls asleep so I don't think he would go for it lol

lexilou · 13/03/2009 11:03

YANBU YANBU YANBU

laundryslave · 13/03/2009 11:15

You are definately not being unreasonable. I assume somone has had a baby or someone has died if the phone goes after 9pm!
Good luck wth the baby by the way, just make sure your husband waits until 3am to phone them when it arrives!

nomoreamover · 13/03/2009 14:25

I sometimes phone my parents at 10pm because they have no kids and will just be sitting in front of tv - I know my dad stays up til midnight or later...however - anyone with kids NO WAY!!!

930 is my watershed- anything after 930 is rude in my house

Dhs work mates are guilty of ringing at 530am or 6am - thats SO not funny! scares the crap out of me, wakes th ekids up and DH talks SO loud on the phone that the whole house is then up at 530am - nightmare.

So no YANBU