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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think this punishment a bit degrading?

109 replies

thirtysomething · 12/03/2009 20:50

DS aged 10 was kept back from assembly by his somewhat ambitious teacher to do some science extension work as an "experiment" (her words). He is one of the more able kids at science apparently.
Anyway, he got the method right but made a stupid mistake with a calculation - added two numbers rather than multiplies them. So she went and found the coolest teacher in the school (in DS's opinion) and made DS sit in front of this teacher wearing a pink fluffy hat repeating the times table he'd got wrong 10 times.

DS said he was embarassed. i actually think it's inappropriate though DP thinks I should just let it go? This is a young, pushy teacher who's getting them all very worked up about SATs at the moment.

OP posts:

thumbwitch · 13/03/2009 11:55

MQ - I think that perhaps calling it a consequence of losing, rather than a punishment, would alleviate some of the potential for backlash.
Personally, I don't really see it as a punishment, more as an incentive to win so that you get to pick the song that the others have to sing - which I guess is what you were trying to achieve with it?

It's many times better than letting the winners sing things like "you're shit and you know you are" - a common football-supporters chant, and one which I know you would NEVER employ!

And somehow the winners getting first dibs on the sweets seems to go against the idea behind them playing football in the first place - i.e. healthy outdoor exercise rewarded by unhealthy foods, iyswim.

lexilou · 13/03/2009 12:01

Thirtysomething - I am feeling v v angry for you, this was completely and utterly inappropriate and unacceptable. Your DS sounds like a mature, brave lad to explain to this girl how she made him feel. I hope it goes ok for him.
For what its worth i think talking with him and letting him decide on this initial course of action is the best way to go. I had a situation recently where my DS was 'started on' at school - I immediately wanted to hunt down and flay the boys in question, but asked DS how he felt/what action he wanted taken. He wanted me to speak to the head, which I did and it all got sorted. Point is, he felt better having some control/input.
But, my god, how this teacher thought it could be in any way right to behave like that, and how on earth did the other one think it was ok to be passively complicit? Massive failing in duty of care, mahoosive.
And SATS, jesus, SATS what a bloody load of rotten bollix that are no good to man nor beast.

mayorquimby · 13/03/2009 12:06

"And somehow the winners getting first dibs on the sweets seems to go against the idea behind them playing football in the first place - i.e. healthy outdoor exercise rewarded by unhealthy foods, iyswim."

i know i'd say their parents hate me getting them all sugared up and sending them home mwahahaha no parents have complained yet, if they didi'd stop. i only throw them a few wine gums anyway.and if there's one thing i've learned from doing this coaching malarky it's that kids f-ing love sweets.

thumbwitch · 13/03/2009 12:08

ah well, wine gums, they take a while to get through the digestion anyway .

Why don't you ask your coachees how they feel about doing the loser's song? If they're ok with it, why worry?

thumbwitch · 13/03/2009 12:09

whoops, lost my status as pedant there - I meant losers' song, of course

MillyR · 13/03/2009 12:11

I think that mocking the losers, even as a joke, teaches poor sportsmanship. Whatever happened to teams shaking hands at the end and the losers saying well done to the winners? No wonder people are put off competitive team sports!

Gorionine · 13/03/2009 12:12

Sorry, I only read OP and first page but would have thought that my next question would have came up by them. This "ccol "treacher that DS had to sit in front of and say his time tables, did he/she not say it was out of order to his/her collegue?

Strawbezza · 13/03/2009 17:19

Can't believe WTF this excuse for a teacher thought she was doing....

Anyway - what's the latest? Thirtysomething, did you complain?

Original poster

thirtysomething · 13/03/2009 17:45

update - DS did talk to the teacher today and she has apologised to both of us!! He told her she made him feel v. embarassed and uncomfortable and that he'd told his Mum. He then said that his Mum had wanted to go straight to the head but he hadn't wanted her to and so that's why he'd chosen to speak to her instead....I have to say she seemed 1) mortified 2) petrified (that I'd speak to head) and 3) incredibly embarassed and a touch ashamed too after school. She said she hadn't meant any harm, had seen it as a memory tool etc and hadn't been aware of DS feeling so uncomfortable. I calmly said that now she was aware how a 10 year old would perceive her actions I trusted that she wouldn't be repeating the experience and she said absolutely not (and looked on the verge of tears).

I'm not inclined to pursue it further now - she's clearly deeply embarassed, as she should be, and has apologised. I also feel that DS has learnt an important lesson about empowerment and being honest about how people have hurt him etc.

OP posts:

GreenBib · 13/03/2009 17:46

Is she a young teacher? mistake made, maybe she thought he coudl "handle" it and it was a big misjudgement.

GreenBib · 13/03/2009 17:47

ah yes she is. Sounds like a newbie cock up.

Coldtits · 13/03/2009 17:48

he's also had it reinforced that it is always best to tell someone.

How proud you must be, and what a stupid thing to do to a 10 year old.

unfitmother · 13/03/2009 17:50

Well done to your DS!

FrannyandZooey · 13/03/2009 18:01

oh good on your ds
great outcome and respect to him for dealing with it on his terms

HerBeatitudeLittleBella · 13/03/2009 18:08

Blimey. Your DS sounds really mature - more than the teacher!

She'll look back at this and thank you and your DS in twenty years. She's also learned a valuable lesson and you've done her an immense favour by accepting an informal apology rather than going through the bureacratic rigmarole.

Nabster · 13/03/2009 18:09

Well done to mum and son!

I think you handled it really well and you have taught your son and the teacher valuable lessons.

madlentileater · 13/03/2009 18:10

yes, as it turns out, a good lesson for your ds- but not the one she intended!
and a good lesson for her too.

Cathpot · 13/03/2009 18:18

Thirysomething your boy did so well, and you sound like you handled it perfectly. I am also really pleased that he got a sincere apology, as you say it is no bad thing for him to witness an adult make a mistake, and then admit it and apologise.

As others have said she will no doubt be mortified this evening, possibly sinking a large glass of something as we speak , but it will be hugely useful to her to reflect on her teaching. I am really glad it has been resolved.

Original poster

thirtysomething · 13/03/2009 19:07

thanks everyone for your resounding support - I was a bit worried some of you might think she'd got off too lightly!! I am usually very hands-off with school issues and like to teach DS strategies for dealing with situations himself, so hopefully he will remember this in a positive way now rather than as the humiliating experience it was at the time.

OP posts:

Grammaticus · 13/03/2009 19:32

Oh well done! I came back to this thread having thought it over and begun to feel more uneasy about it than I initially did. I see the teacher cocked up a bit, but it obviously wasn't malicious. Well done!

LynetteScavo · 13/03/2009 19:34

I would like to see her try this on my 10 year old DS who is able at science. She would no longer be capable of getting the class worked up about SATs ( a crime in itself IMO)

smellen · 13/03/2009 19:59

30something. What a good result. Your DS has learnt possibly his most valuable lesson of the week, and has turned round a humiliating experience into one of empowerment.

It is hard to articulate unease and discomfort at the actions of an individual who is in a position of power over yourself - whether that be your teacher, boss, a "friend" etc. - and never more so than for the young, who have little or no experience of speaking up for themselves - so this a really positive ending to what has been a horrible situation.

Well done to you and your DS. I hope you have a lovely treat together this weekend.

edam · 13/03/2009 20:34

well done 30something and ds!

bigcometobedeyes · 13/03/2009 20:46

I would complain about both the reason for te punishment and the punishments itself- it is unacceptable and unprofessional.

If a paretn constantly did this to their child it is classed as pyschological abuse. It is what bullies in adult relationships do. This set a poor example and is just wrong. I hope this hasnt put your DS off his work.

What would you if a boss or DP/DH humiliated you in front of people?

bigcometobedeyes · 13/03/2009 20:48

Sorry sorry, just scrolled up to exit and caught what action you did take - job well done and think she will respect you and your son for it - well done DS from me too.

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