I challenge anyone to think this is unreasonable!

[Moop]

We are going on holiday in sept with PIL and we have invited sister in law, husband and daughter.

Brother in law is messing us about as to whether they are coming - I think in a hope of not paying a contribution to the cost of the villa. I think he figures that if we book it then if they do come along - well we have already paid anyway and it is not extra cost for them to come (we are going to a bigger place which costs more money because they are possibly coming).

He is an unreasonable person anyway (wouldn't let sister in law and daughter come and visit us last year) and I am annoyed that it will potentially spoil the holiday as I will be very cross to have a freeloader there (who boasts that he is too expensive to be made redundant!)

Had it just been us and PIL's we would split the cost half and half no problem - now we have them creating problems.

YABU

why dont you just put your foot down and say you have to know now as size of place is depending on them? give them a week to confirm.

I would say 'we have to choose between villa A and villa B so we need to know if you are coming or not. Obviously we wouldn't all be able to squeeze into A, so...'

You obviously don't want him to come so put him on the spot and when he hums and haas say you have to book it and then use that to close him out of the deal! You don't want to ruin your holiday spending it with someone you don't want to spend it with.

YANBU

Well surely you'll only be booking a villa big enough for yourselves and your PIL? Then if he doesn't pay up and says he wants to come tell him there is no room - and find details of another villa nearby for his family.

yes, 'it's going to cost you x amount. please let us know by next friday.' then book smaller villa if you don't hear. they can always rent something nearby.

don't be a martyr and ruin your holiday.

Why are you inviting them if you know he will spoil the holiday?

Agree that you should say that you need to know by Friday which villa to book.

YANBU. Set them an ultimatum! I can't stand scroungers either...

Book a smaller place if you don't hear from him. And make it clear that's what you'll do. Then it's up to him and he can't whinge.

yabu
don't invitepeople on holiday you a) don't like and b) know will mess you around
you made you bed, now you have to lie in it!

Take control. Like everyone has said, tell him that he has to confirm AND pay his share!! and THEN you will book a place big enough to accomodate them. IF he doesn't then you will book a smaller place and if he changes his mind after that, he will not be able to come.

Just be blunt, firm and clear.

People take advantage if you let them.

what does YANBU mean?

What Hecate (and everyone else) says.

Also: why not let DH sort it out? It's his brother who is being a PITA.

(or is this a joint query from both of you?)

Surely you will just book a smaller place? Why would you wait around for them to decide what they are doing?
YANBU means you are not being unreasonable!!

But in this case YABU, imo!

Book the smaller place today and if he complains say "well you wouldn't commit". Then you don't have a knob on holiday with you.

I haven't invited them - PIL's have - it is the only way we will get to see sister in law and cousin as brother in law won't allow them to come to belgium to see us - so we have to suffer his company - it is the price we pay for seeing her.

He said that if she took duaghter to see us then he would take daughter to his friends without her mother - that is how childish and pathetic he is.

So we will probably have the summer of them messing us about as to whether they are coming and then he will freeload!

YANBU on the villa. But why is it unreasonable for him to take DN to visit family without SIL? I mean, to do it just to spite her seems petty, but I don't think it's intrinsically an issue is it? When it gets to us actually having DCs I'm already looking forward to DH taking them off to visit people without me.

s'okay. so many people call me Hectate that I get confused myself.

Say to them that you are booking villa on Friday and you need to know by then if they are coming - if not you will book a cheaper, smaller villa. nEnd of problem.

And what the feck is wrong with him taking his daughter to his friends without the mother?? DH does this all the time as I do too.

compo, well said!

Madame, there is nothing wrong with taking dd away with friends IMO, unless he's point scoring and doing it from spite, which is what I understood from OP.

OP, as everyone says, you'll have to give a deadline and be very clear about it and tell them they'll have to make their own arrangements if they don't let you know by that time. Will they expect to crash on the floor if you get a smaller place?

I would agree with others, phone up today and tell them that they have until 9am tomorrow morning to say whether they are coming, and if you don't hear you will assume that they are not and will book for yourselves. If they moan and say that it is too early to say then I would suggest that you tell them that you will book your own and and if they change their mind they can book their own property nearby at a later date. I wouldn't get drawn into their games-just give the ultimatum.

what everyone else has said - but be really nice and polite about it, cos then you'll have the moral high ground too (the view's lovely from there).