I challenge anyone to think this is unreasonable!

[Moop]

We are going on holiday in sept with PIL and we have invited sister in law, husband and daughter.

Brother in law is messing us about as to whether they are coming - I think in a hope of not paying a contribution to the cost of the villa. I think he figures that if we book it then if they do come along - well we have already paid anyway and it is not extra cost for them to come (we are going to a bigger place which costs more money because they are possibly coming).

He is an unreasonable person anyway (wouldn't let sister in law and daughter come and visit us last year) and I am annoyed that it will potentially spoil the holiday as I will be very cross to have a freeloader there (who boasts that he is too expensive to be made redundant!)

Had it just been us and PIL's we would split the cost half and half no problem - now we have them creating problems.

Your problem is, you dont like him, full stop. So you are letting your personal feelings toward him get to you, just do what hecate said and try and keep your personal views of him to one side until he proves you right.

Atm the moment you are just assuming, so i think its fair to say YABU to be doing that.

If PIL are doing the booking, and are booking the bigger villa give them the money for your share of it - a third - and say "here you are, bets we get it booked, here's our cntribution, a third - we assume that SIL will give you her share"

PIL are being as unreasonable as BIL/SIL because they are choosing to invite SIL, and book the bigger villa to allow for that. So place the responsibility for paying for the extra with PIL.

Alternatively, give PIL your share of money for a smaller villa and say 'here it is, better get booked up, I supose if SIL agrees she can give you her share and you can book the bigger one'

Is you SIL not an adult? She might not want to come and is "blaming" DH for not letting her.

Just give them a deadline, if they don't sort it out before then book a villa appropriate to the people who ARE coming.

Agree with Blu and Morloth

Why don't people read things properly - of course he can take his daughter to see his friends but he DID'T allow sister in law to come over to see us with her mom and dad and then said "if you take her away from me then I will take her to my friends and you can't come" - that is how much of a jerk he is.

We are booking the villa - well me as I am the only one capable of using a computer it seems and doing anything of an admin nature. DH doesn't want any trouble and doesn't like issues with money and family. We have looked at other villas and even though this is more money we will probably now go ahead with it even if they don;t come BUT - that does not mean I am prepared to have that jerk freeload a holiday out of me.
MIL wants to tread softly because she really wants daughter to come away with us so if anyone raises the delicate subject of money it will have to be me and I get to be cast as the villan.

As for SIL being an adult - she is a really nice gentle person but she abdicates responsibility for her life - always has done - used to be to parents, now it is to husband - when he stopped her coming to see us before xmas she was really "angry" but she still let him do it anyway.

I am going to give her a call and make sure she knows when we have the villa, how much it will cost them and when we need to pay the balance - we are not even asking for any of the deposit money from them - we are stumping up for that at the end of this month. As I have said on other posts here - PIL's have shed loads of money and we are comfortable and there is an attitude that we have money and poor little sister in law is kept short by husband so some how that becomes our responsibility.

Sister in law makes me cross - however nice a person she is because I grew up with a father who would threaten to knock you into the middle of next week if you said the wrong thing and her inadequate, billy lair husband is a pathetic control freak and in the 21st century it makes me mad that women who have family support and have choices (which my mother didn't) put up with this stuff and then play the victim.

BIL said when we invited SIL - "they have so much money, why don't they come back here" - err - right - the idea is for her to see where we are living and visit another country - you idiot!

there - nuff said!

You can't control other people, the only thing you can control is what YOU do. If you don't want to pay for a freeloader book a smaller villa, if PIL's don't like that then tell them to book and pay for it and you will put in 1/3 or don't go on holiday with them.

BIL may well be a jerk but to be honest it sounds like everyone involved is just being a bit silly and martyrish.

Moop, is he better off than you? Not being nosey about your finances, but it always seems to be the better-off ones who are tightest with their wads. That's how they become so well off, I s'pose.

YANBU and there are some very good suggestions here about how to rugby-tackle your BIL so I won't duplicate. I will, however, send you a sympathetic grrr.

I know - you say that but because he controls where they go - it seems as if it will be the only opportunity for us to see SIL before xmas (and we will have new baby) and for cousins to play together so we are trying to make that happen. But it just annoys me so much that by SIL being so passive (if someone could breathe for her I sometimes think she would get them to) - it impacts on other people.

I am trying to tread as softly as a I can - not helped by MIL saying FIL will discuss the finances with my DH - it's me doing all the work! So any info I get about whether they are coming comes 3rd hand - which is why I am phoning SIL myself.

"Why don't people read things properly"...careful, Moop, you might find yourself veering into BU .

It's down to you toexplain clearly, you know!

And, it sounds as if your DH is being wet and doesn't care about the money, your PILs really DON'T care about the money and can afford it, so you are the only on who does. You either have to get your DH to deal with it assertively and directly, or get over it, I think - or you will be resentful and carpy and everyone will blame you fo that - however unjust that is.