to want my kids' grandparents to stop buying them stuff?

[Blottedcopybook]

For background info, my eldest DS is from my first marriage. I'm still very close to my ex in-laws and my other DCs call them Granny and Grampa. My parents are divored and remarried so with DH's parents my kids have four sets of grandparents AND three sets of great grandparents. This is before counting all their Aunts, Uncles, Godparents and friends.

I am so, so frustrated. I have the best hubby in the world when it comes to pulling his weight around the house and yet I feel like I am constantly constantly picking things up - be that discarded clothes, toys, bathtowels etc. I'm fairly sure DH feels the same. When we got together, we had both been living independantly for quite some time and it took a lot of work to amalgamate two households into one home - we've been together nearly 4.5 years and I honestly feel like we've never got unpacked and organised because the house is jam packed full of stuff, mostly belonging to the kids.

For the last two years I have asked all the grandparents not to buy the kids lots of toys at present-giving time. Not because I want to ruin Christmas, not because I'm a scrooge but because I want my children to value and respect the things that people spend their money on for them. Tonight, hubby and I removed seven binbags full of broken or damaged toys from our sons' bedroom and we've barely scratched the surface because the grandparents went over the score at Christmas again. Additionally, all four sets seem to think it's appropriate to buy EACH CHILD a new toy when they visit. If each of them only visit once a month, that's still a ridiculous amount of new stuff.

My issue here is twofold - my primary problem is that the mess and clutter is seriously causing me mental anguish and I feel like the last four years of my life have been a constant battle to clean up. I feel like I'm missing out on having fun with my kids because I have to spend all my time keeping on top of the mess. I'm exhausted and have zero energy or desire to do anything as a result. My secondary problem is that my kids are not learning respect for their possessions because if a toy gets broken or damaged, there's a mountain of other crap for them to play with. They literally don't care.

I've actually cried in front of DH's parents and my Dad because of this issue. I've also explicitly told my Mother that she needs to not spend £200 on each child at Christmas only for her to tell me I have no right to impinge on her rights as a Grandmother. What on earth else can I do?! Am I being unreasonable asking them to stop buying my kids so much crap?!

am sorry, am not normally this arsey hope you get it sorted either way

nstm How do you encourage that respect for their possessions? I just feel that mine have either not developed it or have lost it because they don't seem to develop a sentimental attachment to their possessions because they're effectively disposable in their eyes.

dizzydixies Hey, you weren't arsey don't worry. You gave loads of good advice and I appreciate it

YANBU. Have not read the whole thread, but this drives me nuts too. My father had a very deprived childhood, very sad, but that is now over! He cannot understad that the DC are NOT deprived - they have lots of everything, toys, time, attention, money etc etc. I would honestly much rather he gave a goat or cash to Oxfam, and explin to the DC that tehre are children in parts of the world with NO TOYS - polluted water, minimal food, than buy EVEN MORE more plastic rubbish for the DC . Parents sneak it in while I am at work!

yanbu - totally see your point and have same type of problem. gave a specific list to worst offenders (ILs) at christmas , of stuff that was needed- they gave something not on the list, soemthing i had already bought as the kids main christmas pressie!
i think people do think i am ungrateful but it is not that at all - i hate clutter and find kids play better with fewer toys than too many.
Practical ideas? i am ruthless about broken/ missing toys, i dont open gifts that we dont want/ need , and constantly declutter the toys. anyway just to say i feel your pain!

Mrs G makes a good point. Our parents generation often didn't have a lot and probably feel guilty that they didn't give us everything we wanted when we were growing up. Now they live in a world where toys are relatively cheap (though somewhat tacky) they can finally ensure that their gc's want for nothing.

The trouble is our generation has moved on. We care about the environment and the lives of the poor Indian / Chinese kids who get paid peanuts to make all this cheap stuff. Ironically, I bet our own grandparents 'the make do and mend generation' would be appalled at their dc's!!

YANBU - you are being very brave raising the subject. Most of us just put up with it!!!

Thanks for all the input, I really appreciate it. It's possibly also worth mentioning that hubby and I both have young parents - my parents are both mid-late forties and his are mid fifties so although the generational aspect is valid, they had come through the post-war depression and weren't as deprived as what our grandparents had been.

I eventually lost the plot after trying to put DD to her bed, stepping on a skateboard and falling over so got the boys to help me as we went through every single box, bag and cupboard keeping only the toys that made them happy. I've freecycled three tesco delivery crates worth of stuff that was still in good nick, we've put away half a dozen games that were still sealed and we're going to start playing those at a set time at the weekend. We have also thrown out 13 binbags more than our wheelie bin will take. I can finally walk into the boys bedroom without having to stare at my feet!

The downside of this is that we've now realised how little DD has by way of age-appropriate toys belonging just to her. The boys have a lot of shared things like megabloks, brio train track, lego and of course books but I'm wondering whether we should use a little of her Christmas money to let her have some new things. Her birthday is at the start of May and she's not exactly asking for new stuff. Hm. I think we'll wait!