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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel sorry for this little boy?

51 replies

kayzr · 10/03/2009 21:08

This little boy is about 3-4 and is always getting out of his house and running about the street. Luckily it is a very quiet street with hardly any cars but we do get the occassional person who lives in the close driving very fast.

Today was one of his escape days. It was bin day today and DS1 loves watching it so we were stood at the window looking and the little boy came running out. He stood on our drive watching the bin lorry and then his mum came running out yelling. He screamed and shouted "Mummy I just wanted to watch the bins".

I totally understand it must be horrible to realise your child has got out of the house but on the other hand it happens at least twice a day so surely you should be making sure there is no way he can get out.

I have heard him shout "Mummy don't hit me, I'm sorry".

I just feel so sorry for him, but I also feel it isn't really my place to feel sorry for him.

OP posts:

nickymorris · 10/03/2009 21:15

Erm... If you're pretty sure that the boy is being hit by his mum I would have thought it was a case of a quick call to social services rather than just feeling sorry for him...

Original poster

kayzr · 10/03/2009 21:17

But I'm not sure. My parents used to threaten to smack me but they never did. It would always make me stop doing what I was doing though.

OP posts:

chegirl · 10/03/2009 21:22

My son says things like 'please dont hurt me' . I dont as it happens, well not on purpose. I have trod on him a couple of times.

My DS1 learnt the art of flinching when he had done something naughty and I came to tell him off.

And I PROMISE I dont beat my kids.

Original poster

kayzr · 10/03/2009 21:24

Her DD does say to him "Mummy doesn't hit you" when he says it.

When I was 4 I told my mum I had swapped my brother for an ice cream. I had actually just left him in the front garden.

OP posts:

wannaBe · 10/03/2009 21:24

why should she call social services if the mum smacks the child? Smacking isn't illegal, and while lots of people don't use it as a form of discipline lots of people still do, and if they do it is none of anyone else's business.

As for the child in question, it sounds like he's a bit of a handfull. But it does seem that his mum is at least on the ball in that she comes out pretty quickly and fetches him home, so while she isn't stopping him getting out necessarily she is at least aware when he gets out.

wannaBe · 10/03/2009 21:27

a friend of mine has a just turned 4 yo who told her preschool that she was hungry because her mummy hadn't given her any tea or any breakfast. she cried about this for over an hour, to the extent they called the mum to come and take her home. It's a wonder they didn't call ss. the child was lying btw.

Original poster

kayzr · 10/03/2009 21:27

He is a bit of a handful. Last week he came running into our house as he wanted to play with DS1. He did make me jump when he opened the front room door.

OP posts:

Coldtits · 10/03/2009 21:28

Some children just run. And my eldest once shouted "Please can I have some lunch today, I promise I have been good!" in the middle of Tesco. I don't think this child needs you to feel sorry for him.

dangfando · 10/03/2009 21:29

I remember my DD at age 2 shouting out "Don't hit me mummy!" in the supermarket. I don't hit her! I wouldn't call SS on that basis. Maybe they could talk to her about locking doors and keeping keys out of reach though...

ABetaDad · 10/03/2009 21:30

I agree that I would find it upsetting to hear a child say this and YANBU. My wife and I have never ever hit our children - not even a tiny tap on the hand.

That said, my wife likes to tell the story of her brother (3 at the time) being taken out of church as he was running up and down the aisle by her Dad (my FIL).

As he was leaving, her brother shouted out at the top of his voice "dont't hit me Daddy". I know my FIL has never ever hit my BIL or my wife and yet there he was being made out to be a child beater in front of the entire church.

feedthegoat · 10/03/2009 21:32

My ds is going through a phase of shouting 'ow you're hurting me' if I try to do anything he doesn't want to do. This can be anything from brushing his hair to holding his hand. It started in middle of supermarket when i tried to hold his hand to take him to toilet and I made the mistake of jumping back like I had a hot potato. This was obviously the reaction he was looking for and i get it a dozen times a day now. I also get 'I'm scared of mummy/ daddy/ grandma/ grandad (or whoever happens to be asking him to put coat on etc). I'd be horrified if anyone thought we were harming him. We don't even do smacking!

Original poster

kayzr · 10/03/2009 21:33

I feel better about it now. It had been bugging me a bit.

OP posts:

katiestar · 10/03/2009 21:37

The mum is legally entotled to smack him ,so what are you going to say to SS ?

katiestar · 10/03/2009 21:37

The mum is legally entotled to smack him ,so what are you going to say to SS ?

chegirl · 10/03/2009 21:37

She does need to review her security systems though .

If you've got a 'runner' you need to use special measures.

oliviasmama · 10/03/2009 21:48

I would feel very sad about this little boy - keep your eye on things, I find it very odd that you say he is always getting out of the house and running about the street. I know it's virtually impossible to know every move your children make but in thinking about it I do not let DD out of my sight so would definately be aware of where she was and more so if she had a habit of breaking free from time to time. It's a big worry - please keep an eye on him.

Original poster

kayzr · 10/03/2009 21:51

I wouldn't dream of ringing SS without concrete proof.

I do think her security needs sorting out. If either of mine were runners the door would be locked.

OP posts:

oliviasmama · 10/03/2009 21:51

I think chegirl says it well really - tighten the security!

Alambil · 10/03/2009 21:55

DS told my mum I hurt him by "hitting" him really really hard (his words)

Truth was, I had hold of his hand over a road.....

He got a ton of hot bricks on his head [metaphorical] about lying and he daren't lie now.

He was 4 at the time - he's 6 now and immediately owns up to a lie, even though they're very rare and apologises

applepudding · 10/03/2009 22:03

How well do you know his family? If they are neighbours and the little boy is same age as your DS do you see them socially or do anything together with your children? I'm wondering if you have seen mother and child together in another situation apart from her chasing him down the street? might give you an idea if there is likely to be a problem or not.

solidgoldbrass · 10/03/2009 22:07

Loads of kids go through stages of claiming that their parents beat and mistreat them when it isn't true. Just like loads of kids will tell you they flew to the moon with Captain Mack or whatever: small children are not always 100% clear on the truth.
Agree the mother should pay attention to door locks etc though but if she is a tenant she may not be allowed to change or add locks.

5inthebed · 10/03/2009 22:09

My ds2 is a runner, but he has SN. I've got to lock the doors of my house otherwise he darts out. Not looking forward to summer when I have to be careful about which windows to open.

The mother does sound on the ball though, coming to get him every time. She should look at ways of keeping him indoors or enclosed in the garden maybe?

CrackopentheBaileys · 10/03/2009 22:12

agree with most here regarding security. It really wouldn't be hard to put a high bolt on the door!

A little story about my ds for you to put what you heard into context.

DS(4 at the time)told his nursery teacher 'my Daddy beats me'
And apparantly left a big dramatic pause, whilst the teacher held her breath and ran for ss tel number, before adding
'at playstation'

Kids!

CrackopentheBaileys · 10/03/2009 22:14

(and I'm pretty sure smacking is against the law katiestar) correct me if I'm wrong!

screamingabdab · 10/03/2009 22:18

I think smacking is against the law too

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