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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel sorry for this little boy?

51 replies

kayzr · 10/03/2009 21:08

This little boy is about 3-4 and is always getting out of his house and running about the street. Luckily it is a very quiet street with hardly any cars but we do get the occassional person who lives in the close driving very fast.

Today was one of his escape days. It was bin day today and DS1 loves watching it so we were stood at the window looking and the little boy came running out. He stood on our drive watching the bin lorry and then his mum came running out yelling. He screamed and shouted "Mummy I just wanted to watch the bins".

I totally understand it must be horrible to realise your child has got out of the house but on the other hand it happens at least twice a day so surely you should be making sure there is no way he can get out.

I have heard him shout "Mummy don't hit me, I'm sorry".

I just feel so sorry for him, but I also feel it isn't really my place to feel sorry for him.

OP posts:
BeehiveBaby · 10/03/2009 22:19

Unfortunately not Baileys.

fattiemumma · 10/03/2009 22:19

my sons screams bloody murder when i call him in if he's run out. he actually shouted out "please mummy don't stab me" once.

and no its not illegal to smack a child in England. it is illegal to hit a child in such a manner that it laves a lasting mark.

CrackopentheBaileys · 10/03/2009 22:20

lol beehive. Are you sure? I may nip upstairs and qive him a quick smack now if so!

Coldtits · 10/03/2009 22:26

Smacking is not against the law. I'm not getting into the rights and wrongs, but it is seriously not against the law.

AnnieLobeseder · 10/03/2009 22:31

Well, if my DD was running about in the road, having escaped from the house, I'd smack her too. I'm not a smacker - i feel there are far more effective punishments for day-to-day naughtiness. But if she does something life-threatening, I smack her, just to make sure she really gets the message that what she's doing isn't just naughty, it's dangerous, and she doesn't forget in a hurry.

UnquietDad · 10/03/2009 22:33

No, it isn't against the law to give your children a little smack. Although if you are telling Amy Winehouse that, I'd rephrase it.

ABetaDad · 10/03/2009 22:34

Crackopenthebaileys - LOL Playstation![GRIN]

DS2 (Yr2) was having a lesson about getting on with people and having good relationships and the children were giving examples of good and bad relationships.

I am pretty sure DS2 told his teacher that me and my wife are always arguing and that when we are not arguing with each other we are arguing with DS1 and DS2.

He also told his teacher he never ever argues with his brother.

I am fairly sure his teacher can spot the truth in those two statements.

Most teachers/nursery staff I am sure hear pretty lurid stories that are plainly not true.

WilyWombat · 10/03/2009 22:35

They may have a door like ours, it has a really low handle and can only be locked with a key - we have a chain on now to ensure the children cant escape

MollieO · 10/03/2009 23:17

I thought the distinction was whether the smack left a mark or not. Smack + mark = okay, smack + mark = unlawful. Although I was smacked as a child I struggle to see the benefit of whacking a child and then telling them they must not hit others. this sets out the law.

christywhisty · 10/03/2009 23:27

Some kids are just houdinis

when my ds was 3 he escaped naked from the back garden where he was playing under the sprinkler.
He climbed over the stairgate across the garage back door, climbed on the pushchair which was near the up and over door, pulled the string to open the door and was found naked out in the street playing with the other dcs.

ThePregnantHedgeWitch · 11/03/2009 00:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

SlartyBartFast · 11/03/2009 00:25

perhaps you should just keep an eye out for him yourself, as he is such a houdini.
and spare the calling social services for more concrete things.

Jaquelinehyde · 11/03/2009 01:56

Parp!

Wallace · 11/03/2009 06:39

Thanks, UnquietDad

leothelioness · 11/03/2009 06:50

my ds say "ow it hurts, it hurts" very loud in public if I try to hold his hand or put him in the pushchair, basically anything he does not want to do is is very embarrassing but it does not mean I was actually hurting him. I would not involve the ss it may be just something he says.

Eve4Walle · 11/03/2009 07:00

It's funny how attitudes towards smacking have changed.

My parents used to smack all 3 of us children whenever we'd been really badly behaved (only 25 years or so ago), and that wasn't often, as the fear of a smack meant we were all very well behaved for most of the time.

I don't smack my children, but I can see why some parents resort to using that as a punishment. Have to say I agree with HedgeWitch on this one though.

Original poster
kayzr · 11/03/2009 07:45

It is a housing association house. I'm not sure about their door but ours has a normal lock, 2 bolts and a chain. But not sure if it is a standard thing or if it was just what the people who were here before put on.

I don't see her socially, my DS1 is nearly 2 so a bit younger. I don't see her that often with him, just when he runs out or if we're in our garden and they are in their garden. She seems to be nice to him apart from when he does his houdini act.

OP posts:
MmeLindt · 11/03/2009 07:51

My DS flinches when I take his hand. It looks awful but I swear I don't beat him.

There are some children who are just good at escaping. There was a thread a year or so ago about this, one MNetter has a real houndini of a boy. Nothing she did kept him in the house, including bolts, locks and chains on the door.

mumeeee · 11/03/2009 12:01

Smacking isn't against the law.

chegirl · 11/03/2009 13:28

I love my kids and I dont hit them much but if one of mine was escaping and putting themselves in danger like that - I think I would resort to terrible threats. Its scarey when they do stuff like that. My oldest boy was dreadful. We lived on the 3rd floor and I had to nail the windows shut.

Little git darling was always hanging out the windows, trying to get on to the ledges, swinging from light fittings etc. I often threatened him with acts of extreme violence. It doesnt work but its better than throttling them. I dont do it now but I am older and have more patience (now I just lock the little bleeders in a cupboard)

Morloth · 11/03/2009 13:37

From your further posts kayzr I would feel more sorry for the mum than the boy, little stinker he must be quite a handful.

My DS once put his batman costume on under his clothes and came to tell me that now when I hit him he won't be able to feel it - and skipped out the door.

Because you know, I do spend quite a bit of time beating him...

Reallytired · 11/03/2009 17:33

I think you should mind your business. Your child is a lot younger and she might turn into an escapee.

If the mother wants to smack her son for running out the house, then legally she is entitled to. It might offend your parenting ideals, but many people would consider a light smack reasonable in those circumstances.

Social services have bigger issues. There children in this country who are half straved, seriously beaten or sexually abused.

Original poster
kayzr · 11/03/2009 19:25

I was never planning to ring social services. I also know that if she wants to smack her son she can.

Today has been one of his worst days for escaping and she said to me she is going to ask the housing association if they can change the lock to a Yale one that is further up the door.

OP posts:
Peachy · 11/03/2009 19:37

We wereplaying in the sea, I spalshed ds1 and he ran screaming to some poelpe yelling 'my mummy is kicking me and it huuuurts'

little so and so.

They learn how to get resuts pretty quickly.

I think wannabe is right that she at least chases him, which is a good sigm.

I also remember the only time I let ds1 walk to the neighbours (2 doors up) alone... staright after a roast dinner.

Phone call 'I have given him an apple as he says he hasnt eaten all day '

Arrgh

Peachy · 11/03/2009 19:39

(I knw my ds1 has AS but even an alarm system and window locks isnt working, apaprenlty he gets out the window (has sussed locks), across the kitchen roof and loiters at night, I didnt know a thing . He's also ben over the 6ft back wall apparently..... cant even let him do that now!)