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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To cancel my birthday celebrations this year???

42 replies

FAQinglovely · 09/03/2009 17:00

Plan was - housewarming/birthday party here at mine on the Friday (day before) most of my friends I know will have left by about 11ish so I was planning on going into town with those that were left so that I was in town on my birthday. Been planning something "big" (well big for me lol) for my birthday for nearly a year as it's my 30th and it would have been 1yr of being single too - but as DH and I are "seeing" each other again I'd decided to double it with housewarming instead of "singlehood").

Saturday I was going to spend recovering as it's DH's turn to have the DS's (although he's looking after them here), and then Saturday night was planning nice takeaway and wine with him.

Firstly he can't do the Saturday night - he's been invited out for a bit, and he can't really say no due to circumstances. I got over that ok - was still going Then today I heard that the main 2 people that would have gone into town after the party here can't come.

I've just had a cry on the phone to DH - who thinks I should just spend the money I would have spent in town on making the "do" here a bit flashier (you know nicer wine, nicer snacks) and then try and organise a night out in a few weeks time (next time he has the DS's).

I've only got 4 "confirmed" coming to the party and 2 "maybes".

I just want to cancel the whole thing

OP posts:
FlyingMonkey · 09/03/2009 18:04

Don't give up! If it's an all girls night, you could suggest everyone gets ready at yours (with wine and cheesy music) and then go out. Even if there are only five of you, that's enough to make a good night out.

Oh, and get DH to take you and the boys out for a late lunch on the Saturday if he's not available on the Saturday night.

Original poster
FAQinglovely · 09/03/2009 18:07

Too late - I've just sent emails to those that I'd arranged via email with to cancel it.

DH is going to be there on the Friday night too (and then was going to stay in to look after the DS's).

He can't afford to take me out - was fired end of January and still waiting for JSA to kick in.

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Original poster
FAQinglovely · 09/03/2009 18:08

Plus by the time those are going out had got ready at mine and we'd got out most of them would be leaving to go home again. and I'd still be in the same boat, back at home before midnight.

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sb6699 · 09/03/2009 18:12

Oh, no. Disappointed I didn't see this earlier. I would have talked you round!

Could you not "uncancel".

DH's idea was a good one - some of my best nights have been when I've been totally broke and had to stay in and invited my mates round.

Really for you.

Original poster
FAQinglovely · 09/03/2009 18:17

well half the "mates" I'd really wanted to be there can't come - one is away, 2 were only maybe's (the ones that confirmed today they couldn't come).

The rest of my weekend plans (going into town and being there "on" my birtday) and the takeaway with wine on the Saturday evening with DH had already gone out the window, don't see the point in having the bit here when the rest has already gone down the pan.

Shall probably spend my weekend unpacking more boxes and studying instead.

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sb6699 · 09/03/2009 18:24

Can you and dh not do the dinner and wine thing on Friday so at least your doing something special for your birthday.

Original poster
FAQinglovely · 09/03/2009 18:31

my birthday is actually Saturday - but everyone had other plans already (one friend has her DD2's 21st birthday on the 15 but doing stuff on the saturday, another has her DH's 40th on the Saturday).

Was planning the being in town at midnight on Friday night so I was out on the p*ss on my birtdahy = all be it the early hours of it rather than the later ones.

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MiamlaHasADaffodilBehindHerEar · 09/03/2009 18:34

FAQ.. i agree with sb, have the dinner/wine thing with dh on friday instead. you've got the opportunity to have a lovely night with him. not wishing to make you feel guilty but i spent my 30th, barely able to walk with a broken back. MIL invited herself down, she had a huge argument with DP, forgot to buy me a present so shared the one DP got me. DP even more unimpressed and it would seem that i'm still upset about it all, over 3 yrs later!

Original poster
FAQinglovely · 09/03/2009 18:45

but then what do I do on my birthday if we do the takeaway and wine (well probably more like Magners - I'd already bought 16 bottles of that ready for Friday night.......) on the Friday?

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MiamlaHasADaffodilBehindHerEar · 09/03/2009 18:54

a picnic with DH and the kids during the day? perhaps combine it with a long walk? the walk will tire the kids out and you can have some time in the afternoon on your own with DH doing what couples do

Original poster
FAQinglovely · 09/03/2009 18:59

ha - the chances of anything happening while the DS's are awake is precisely 0.

Ds1 and 2 too old for being tired out by long walks. And besides as it's his weekend to have them they'll be expecting "daddy's rules" - which will no doubt mean computer and Wii for 99% of the day.

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Original poster
FAQinglovely · 09/03/2009 19:04

No I think I shall just have to write my 30th birthday off and hope that next year I can have a birthday to remember for the right reasons, or perhaps the next year, or the year after that..........

OP posts:
MiamlaHasADaffodilBehindHerEar · 09/03/2009 19:06

ok, just the picnic then? the DCs and DH could prepare it while you have a long bath

Bellebelle · 09/03/2009 19:26

Awww FAQ, I totally sympathise with how I think you are probably feeling. I get really upset when my friends let me down because in my experience when you've got DC's you don't get the opportunity for a really good night out all that often so you get really quite excited about organising a big night out. It feels pretty personal when people let you down but they're probably just not thinking about it from your point of view. Really hope that you (or your DH) organises something nice for Saturday. Will try to think of some suggestions for something nice to do!

Original poster
FAQinglovely · 09/03/2009 19:33

probably going to go and do a big grocery shop - due to do one anyhow, was going to spend the morning in bed (recovering from inevitable hangover from the Friday) but obviously that 'aint happening now so may as well use my time doing something useful

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Original poster
FAQinglovely · 09/03/2009 19:36

they haven't let me down, they've got kids like I do, and other stuff comes up for them. Totally not their fault

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Original poster
FAQinglovely · 09/03/2009 19:38

plus when you're struggling to find more than about 3 people invite it's kind of expected that they won't all be able to come.

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Divvy · 09/03/2009 19:39

OMFG!!!!! When did you get back with dh??? and again

...cant think of a thing to say about your party...as still

Original poster
FAQinglovely · 09/03/2009 19:42

Divvy - we're not back together properly - but been "dating" since start of Jan. Still living separately - but he's mid moving houses at the moment so can't have them at his so having them here instead.

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Divvy · 09/03/2009 19:52

Still

Original poster
FAQinglovely · 09/03/2009 20:04

God I wish it was 8.45 been shedding small amounts of tears all evening but not too much as don't want the DS's to notice........I need a good blub over another mundane birthday to look forward too.

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oliviasmama · 09/03/2009 20:20

I'd go out for lunch with DH on Saturday and relax about it, you know what it's like....expect too much / plan too much and it has the potential, more often than not, to come crashing down around you. The best times are when it's off the cuff so to speak. Chin up

DrTrillianAstra · 09/03/2009 20:23

for you

ChippingIn · 09/03/2009 20:27

FAQ Crap isn't it, especially when it's a 'big' birthday

I've lost track of who is and who isn't available now... but I'm sure a couple of them are available aren't they? Go out, have dinner, see what happens - it's better than sitting home being fed-up and who knows, you might have a brilliant night!!

Original poster
FAQinglovely · 09/03/2009 20:30

you know I don't think I would feel so bad if my

29th birthday - day DH moved out
28th birthday - just after we nearly split up the first time - and I'd worked a night shift on the 13th, plus was 7 months pg
27th birthday - worked the night of my birthday
26th birthday - had a massive row with DH and ended up at a friends house in tears for the rest of the day...........

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