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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want to wash bedding and towels for 4 when a family stay the night?

65 replies

goreousgirl · 08/03/2009 22:52

I am starting to wonder if I am on my own to think it is unreasonable for friends to turn up for one night for a family of 4, bringing nothing with them (ie sleeping bags for the kids or towels). I know it sounds bad, but does anyone else get stressed about this?

We had friends stay last night, and I took 2 bin bags full of washing to the launderette (would have been 5 washes to do everything at home). I always take towels and sleeping bags for my kids when I stay. Do you? Do you get mad or am I really a crosspatch?

OP posts:
Knickers0nMaHead · 08/03/2009 22:55

Erm nope. If someone says 'oh, stay at ours' I dont expect to fetch a sleeping bag unless they ask otherwise.

LadyOfWaffle · 08/03/2009 22:56

Eh? Sorry, I think YABU. It would never occur to me to take towels & sleeping bags, unless I knew the kids would be sleeping on futons or something... even still...

FAQinglovely · 08/03/2009 22:56

I sometimes take towels - depending on where I'm going - but wouldn't expec to take sleeping bags.

feedthegoat · 08/03/2009 22:57

I wouldn't dream of asking someone who was staying with me to bring their own towels or bedding.

hester · 08/03/2009 22:58

Sorry, YABU. I can see what a PITA it is, though. Do as I do: live in a rabbit hutch so nobody ever expects to come and stay (and if they do, it's on a couch with a blanket thrown over them).

echt · 08/03/2009 22:59

Did they turn up or were they invited? If you invited them, then yes, you should be hospitable. I agree it's a PITA, but there you go. Alan Bennett had something to say about this, how you never resent providing wine and food, but having to wash all that linen is a downer.

The reverse is true, too. I remember staying over at DB's house, by invitation and sleeping in sheets that smelled of someone else. Eeeew.

tigerdriver · 08/03/2009 23:00

My SIL and her crew stay occasionally and we stay at theirs. They started the "bring your own bedding" lark, but it's brilliant. Just make it the norm. Noone will refuse to stay with you just because you expect them to do their own laundry; or do what I do , which is take our own grotty stuff, then take it home again and put it back on our beds

Original poster
goreousgirl · 08/03/2009 23:01

Oh dear, I thought that might be the case...I think I'm just grumpy! We've had three lots of friends recently staying quite a lot (maybe 4 times a year) - all who do not have room at their places to reciprocate the favour. I just feel like I'm running a B&B sometimes. I tend not to invite people - they usually say, hey - we're coming to London, can we stay over...

OP posts:
ChippingIn · 08/03/2009 23:01

Nope. I neither take nor expect friends to bring either. It's not like you would have had to do all 5 washes back to back and sat watching it....

milge · 08/03/2009 23:02

YABU. Unless you are hosting a party where everyone sleeps on the floor a la student days, then I am afraid, washing is part and parcel of being a hostess.

hmc · 08/03/2009 23:02

Oh for heavens sake! Best you don't have anyone to stay over again - better for all parties I think....

moondog · 08/03/2009 23:02

I wouldn't be washing all that stuff after 1 use either.
Unless they sweat like pigs or shit in their sleep or summat.
Madness.

ABetaDad · 08/03/2009 23:05

YABU. Its the cost of having friends over.

Original poster
goreousgirl · 08/03/2009 23:05

Yes tigerdriver - I do that with my SIL too. We take sleeping bags and towels and they do the same when they come. It's not a chore to wash one lot of covers, but a whole families laundry, as well as cooking and clearing up three or 4 times over the weekend - I'm just knackered by the end of it - as they are waving goodbye with their one weeny weekend bag for 4 - I always pack a trunk load!

OP posts:
NoIAmTheNewQueenofMN · 08/03/2009 23:07

It's dreary, but you just do it, don't you? I mean, you wouldn't ask them to bring a packed lunch as well, would you?

ThePregnantHedgeWitch · 08/03/2009 23:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

moondog · 08/03/2009 23:08

I was once invited somewhere and asked ot bring own bedding, food and drink.
Unsurprisingly,I stayed at home.

Original poster
goreousgirl · 08/03/2009 23:11

Actually, NoIamthenewqueenofMN - If I could ask people to bring a packed lunch, I would!! I yearn for the days when 1 couple with no kids would turn up for a meal, stay over and go again. It was so easy. I really have become unsociable, but I would love it to be a lunch at a pub. I don't think it would be so bad if we went to stay somewhere else, but apart from SIL, we never do - it just feels like we bear the brunt of the 'hostessing' all the time. Only just worked out what YABU means - OMG - I must be bad

OP posts:
tigerdriver · 08/03/2009 23:12

Just say that you assume they will be bringing their bedding like everyone does (this was the ruse my SIL pulled on me...). They will obey like little lambs, you will have less work to do without THE COST , betadad, and everyone will have a nice time. And if they think you are are a less than perfect hostess, so what, youre not running a b and b.

Original poster
goreousgirl · 08/03/2009 23:14

That's a good suggestion tigerdriver. I was thinking that I could just say - have you got sleeping bags for the kids by any chance...however, looking at the threads on here, perhaps not a very good idea..

OP posts:
moondog · 08/03/2009 23:14

If it's too much for you, then by all means go out for dinner or split cost of a takeaway.
Don't be a marrtyr.

Original poster
goreousgirl · 08/03/2009 23:15

But moondog - why did they ask you to? It may have been that they just didn't have time to 'turn things around from the last lot'! Were you really offended, or are you playing?

OP posts:
Original poster
goreousgirl · 08/03/2009 23:17

Think what I'm going to take from this, is that I will just have to say no more often, and only accept when I'm not totally knackered (which is not very often).

OP posts:
moondog · 08/03/2009 23:19

It was a leaving the country party.Thrown by them for them.

I see both sides Goreous.
It's hard to entertain but i love opportunity to sit and enjoy company of family and friends who I see too rarely anyway.

And seriously-why wash them after 6one^ night??

Original poster
goreousgirl · 08/03/2009 23:23

Because I would hate to sleep in a bed that someone else had slept in personally. However, thinking about it, if they don't like it, they might not come again, or bring their own next time!! By the way (cringing as I write this), I also iron all the covers - just in case I get any more sympathy ..(but guessing I'm just digging my hole further now).

OP posts: