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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I suspect I am but after 3y ttc, 8mc's and 1 ep to expect that dh might actually behave like an adult

38 replies

OracleInaCoracle · 08/03/2009 20:39

most of you know the story. ttc has been a rough old ride for us. today dh played football in a local cup. his team beat the top of the league 5-2 in the semi final. I am v happy for him. he is the secretary and takes all the training sessions every weds. plays footie every sun. tomorrow I ovulate. all the signs are that I will ov from the tubed side, which has been very rare since the ep. so tonight is CD13, and a good one.

I went to see him in the pub at 2 (he was there since 12) and asked him not to get too drunk. promised him a hot bath, takeaway, with me in slinky lingerie for pudding. I am v careful not to turn sex into baby-making and have been trying to spice up our sex life for quite a while.

so he rolls in at 7. ds is still up and dh throws him around and tickles him. i hate ds seeing him drunk, so I am pissed off. he is slurring his words to the point where he is barely coherant.

i asked dh to go upstairs and grab the baby wipes for me. 10 mins later he's still not down. i go up and he is lying in bed. wide awake and fully dressed. doesnt think he has done anything wrong.

he is now fast asleep. pissed, stinky and sleeping.

I am so, so pissed off with him.

AIBU? i can take it!

OP posts:
Tidey · 08/03/2009 20:47

It doesn't sound like you're being unreasonable to be fed up. It's all very well for him to celebrate winning his match but it is possible to do that without getting drunk. Presumably you are both keen to conceive, and you had already asked him not to do this. I'd be bloody annoyed too.

Original poster
OracleInaCoracle · 08/03/2009 20:50

see, tipsy i could cope with. drunk hmmm, but comatose? he's 32 ffs, not 18!

OP posts:
slackrunner · 08/03/2009 20:51

No, YANBU - I'd be pissed off too. My dh got it in the neck the other night over something similar (we're TTC too), so I empathise. The only thing I would say though is that it's a long road TTC (well, looks like it will be for us), and 'life' has to go on at the sametime e.g drinking from time to time etc. It would be very easy to give up everything whilst TTC. However, YANBU - you have every right to get mad!

Original poster
OracleInaCoracle · 08/03/2009 20:55

i do see that slackrunner, but with our history I'd have thought that he would exercise a little self control. i dont drink etc past CD14, just in case. and it is very rare that i ov from my "good" side.

OP posts:
LadyBee · 08/03/2009 21:01

YANBU to be seriously pissed off with DH, but don't you dare let this put you off jumping him.
Wake him up. Get him under the shower and get in there with him.
I'm sure if he concentrates he will remember what he needs to do.
Good luck this round

Original poster
OracleInaCoracle · 08/03/2009 21:04

lol, but he really smells. and by that i mean his sweat smells like lager. it'll be like shagging a drayman!

OP posts:
kayzr · 08/03/2009 21:08

YANBU!!!!

I suppose you could put a peg on your nose?

slackrunner · 08/03/2009 21:10

Not excusing him lissielou - just that my dh and I have had similar convos recently. I'm pretty much tee-total these days and it's borin'!

100yearsofsolitude · 08/03/2009 21:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
OracleInaCoracle · 08/03/2009 21:12

lol, will go up in abit. hope that the nap will have sobered him up a bit!

OP posts:
AitchTwoOh · 08/03/2009 21:12

DO IT!

by which i mean, do him.

goodnightmoon · 08/03/2009 21:17

sorry but i have been there and i still think YAB a bit U.

these things happen. (as long as they don't happen all the time.) It's hard to live like a saint whilst TTC and sometimes either party will have a bit of a rebellion. (consiously or not.)

i'm sure i would be angry too, but in the bigger picture ... he's not done anything so terrible.

goodnightmoon · 08/03/2009 21:17

i can spell consciously

Original poster
OracleInaCoracle · 08/03/2009 21:17

pmsl. i suppose i could imagine he's dexter...

fucking hell, im livid. i doubt he'll even be able to get it up, let alone shoot straight!

OP posts:
Tidey · 08/03/2009 21:19

Think positive! One day this could be an entirely innappropriate story to never tell DC2!

Original poster
OracleInaCoracle · 08/03/2009 21:21

ah, but goodnight, this is not the first time. and i was very clear that while he could stay out and have a few drinks i was getting pre-ov pangs from my tubed side. he knows better than anyone how ftc has devestated us as well as me and the toll it has taken on my body. this is our last push at ttc. we have given ourselves a year or 1 more mc then giving up. we dont get opportunities like this very often and he knows how important this is to both of us.

OP posts:
Original poster
OracleInaCoracle · 08/03/2009 21:22

pmsl tidey...

well you see dc2, your dad (we'll call him the sperm bloke) came in pissed and i tried to jump him. but instead he missed and put his penis in my ear....

OP posts:
ChippingIn · 08/03/2009 21:29

lissielou - YANBU, it's not a 'regular' opportunity tc, it's an extra special opportunity.

The win is excellent and I know what men are like with football etc, but you are right, he should have acted like an adult and sorted out his priorities - but I guess there are times when we have good intentions but fail miserably

I hope you managed to soak him in something that smelt good and jumped -on-- him at this opportunity.

Best of Luck with conceiving and carrying x

Original poster
OracleInaCoracle · 08/03/2009 21:37

i think the reason im so pissed off is that this is a special opportunity (as you said chippingin) most months he could fire uber-intelligent missiles sperm in there and it wouldnt do any good. this month we might actually be in with a chance, and he's wasted it.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 08/03/2009 21:42

is it really too late lissie?

the night is yet young......

or there is the morning

Original poster
OracleInaCoracle · 08/03/2009 21:45

morning is out, ds will get up at 7. so unless i set my alarm...

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 08/03/2009 21:48

set it for 6:30....

come on lissie, where is your sense of adventure ???

wannaBe · 08/03/2009 21:50

sorry but I think yabu a bit.

Yanbu to be annoyed at him coming in pissed, but ttc can be an immensely stressful thing, esp for men sometimes I think as they are constantly under pressure to perform on command. I can see that "don't get drunk as I am ovulating" might even be a bit of a turn-off, especially after so long ttc.

Sorry, I do realize that this is difficult, but these things do happen.

AnyFucker · 08/03/2009 21:54

lissie, just a bit more advice from someone who has been there, got the t-shirt....

I agree with wannabe

have a few drinks yourself, even after cd14... (if you want to, of course)

my sexlife with dh when ttc became cold, clinical and very pressurized

I regret that now, and it took several yrs to put it right......

LadyBee · 08/03/2009 21:57

set his alarm too. For 6:30. With the appt saying: "Shower, then shag my eternally patient and long suffering DW"

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