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AIBU?

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Original poster

Would you have said something?

37 replies

5Foot5 · 07/03/2009 15:35

I was waiting to use the cash point today. In front of me was a mother with two children. The little girl was in a push chair and looked to be between 2 and 3. The little boy was maybe 6 or 7.

While the mother was using the cash point and not looking at the children, the little girl kept kicking her brother. He didn't react at first but on about the third kick he caught hold of her foot, held it briefly and then gently but firmly laid her leg back down in the pushchair.

I was watching and at no time did he seem to be using any real force nor did he appear to do anything to hurt his sister. Nevertheless the little girl began to wail.

The mother said, quite sharply, "What did you do to her?"

"Nothing"

"You must have done something, what did you do to her?"

He insisted he had done nothing.

She then crouched down and asked her daughter "What did he do to you?" The little girl claimed that he had hit her. The mum immediately believed the girl and said to her son "Right that does it. You are DEFINITELY not going tonight"

The boy looked very downcast but didn't argue - maybe he knew there was no point if he wasn't ging to be believed.

I, of course, said nothing. Not my kids. Not my business.

But I did feel for this little boy who was apparently being unjustly punished. I also wonder what the reaction might have been if I had butted in to say "Excuse me but your little boy is telling the truth". Most likely she would have thought I was an interfering busybody who ought to mind her own business.

Would anyone here have done differently? Would you have spoken up in the little boy's defence?

OP posts:
pageturner · 07/03/2009 15:38

I would have said something, probably before she asked the little girl. I would have said she kicked him and he just moved her foot away, With lots of smiles and an air of you-can't-turn-your-back-for-a-second-can-you?

LauriefairycakeeatsCupid · 07/03/2009 15:38

I would have said something. As I'm an interferer

However, from what you say it sounds like he wouldn't have been believed generally so don't beat yourself up for not interjecting.

electra · 07/03/2009 15:40

No, because, although I agree it was very unfair you do not know what kind of response it would evoke in the mother. You wouldn't want it to come back on you and besides, if the mother was reasonable she wouldn't dish out punishments when she knows she didn't see what happened.

piscesmoon · 07/03/2009 15:41

I would have said something but don't worry-it is too late now.

iwontbite · 07/03/2009 15:41

i would have said something I think.
otherwise it would eat away at me. I hate seeing any injustice, so would have said something even if it meant I got a mouthful back

screamingabdab · 07/03/2009 16:10

I would have said something.

Flightattendant28 · 07/03/2009 16:12

Yes, I'd have been scared of offending her, but I'd have stuck up for him.

wotulookinat · 07/03/2009 16:13

I probably wouldn't have said anything because I'd have been worried about looking like I was intefering and she might have given me a mouthful.

BadSister · 07/03/2009 16:15

I would have said something

MrsSeanBean · 07/03/2009 16:20

It depends, I may have said something, but a lot depends on the dynamics of the situation, opportunity, mood potential agression of mother. It is sad to witness this sort of thing.
It is heartbreaking to witness random injustice and even cruelty in public, but one can't 'be there' all the time for children in this situation/ with unreasonable parents. I'm not saying we should just accept it, but I'm not sure how much good it does to speak up sometimes, and it even could even backfire on the child - ie - they may get more grief if the parent 'takes it out' on them for (as they see it) embarassing them

It's all very depressing really.

Something else that never fails to upset me is witnessing unkind behaviour in public and thinking 'if they are like that in full view of other people, what on earth goes on in the privacy of their own homes?' Or maybe they just don't care and are no worse at home. Either way, sad and difficult.

paolosgirl · 07/03/2009 16:21

I would have said something - but she may have just been at the end of her tether and threatened him with something she won't follow through on. Next time....!

paolosgirl · 07/03/2009 16:23

As in, next time you see something like that you may feel more inclined to say something. It can be so difficult to make a judgment call like that in a split second, can't it?

Uriel · 07/03/2009 16:27

I would have said something. Wouldn't have been able to help myself.

katiestar · 07/03/2009 16:50

Mrs Sean Bean I don't think the mum was being unreasonable or cruel.Most times a team of detectives couldn't get to the bottom of a kids quarrel and find out what happened.You just have to call it as you see it.
I am tempted to think it was an empty threat .I doubt a seven yr old would be out on the tiles on a Saturday night !

Original poster
5Foot5 · 07/03/2009 17:34

katiestar - you are right it would certainly be exaggerating the situation to call the mum cruel. Possibly unreasonable - but then I only witnessed a small part of their day. I have no idea whether the boy had been playing her up all morning and she was already at the end of her tether.

The thing that struck me most though was they way she was so ready to assume her son was in the wrong and believe the little girl.

I couldn't help wondering whether this girl is going to learn to use this tac-tic more as she grows older.

OP posts:
Wallace · 07/03/2009 17:39

I would say that mum was being nwither cruel nor unreasonable. For all we know the boy had been annoying the girl all the time they were out, and that was the final straw.

The eldest does get blamed more (ask my big brother!)

I have often "punished" on the say so of one child or the other. katiesatr is right!

Wallace · 07/03/2009 17:41

As for whether I would have said something...

I might have done, depending on the situaton, and the mother's general demeanor.

Twinklenips · 07/03/2009 17:45

I wouldn't have said anything, none of my business. Besides, you don't know the dynamics or any previous history.

nickschick · 07/03/2009 17:51

I think i would have said when the little girl was kicking 'heyyy stop that donkeys kick' and hope the mother didnt turn round and ick me!!

lljkk · 07/03/2009 18:06

I would have said something. I would have expected the mother to react badly, but at least the lad would know that an adult had recognised he wasn't at fault.

screamingabdab · 07/03/2009 18:09

I think I would have said, very smilingly and gently, "he's telling the truth, you know"

I have had strangers tell me what has really happened in circumstances like these (though I'd like to think I wouldn't have jumped to a conclusion quite as quickly as this mum did....), and I didn't mind.

andlipsticktoo · 07/03/2009 18:14

I would have definitely said something like screamingabdab suggested!
I think boys can sometimes get a raw deal.
Bless him, I hope he didn't miss anything too important to him.

MrsSeanBean · 07/03/2009 19:19

By 5Foot5 on Sat 07-Mar-09 17:34:07

...The thing that struck me most though was they way she was so ready to assume her son was in the wrong and believe the little girl...

ChippingIn · 07/03/2009 23:52

Guilty as charged , I do tend to believe the younger one, but she's just about had her chips with that as I've caught her out a few times lately! Also, because I was the eldest and always got the blame, when it was rarely my fault in reality!

I would have said something (unless she looked really scary!!) as I remember how good it felt when an adult stuck up for you when they had been watching and knew it wasn't your fault.

But hey, hindsight is a great thing

themoon66 · 07/03/2009 23:58

Now my DD is 22 and DS is 17, they have both told me that DS used to whinge way over the top if DD touched him.

You were right to say nothing. Family dynamics will out.