to put my 21mo DS in a playpen?

[WAD]

He is very destructive at the moment, and I pop him in the playpen when I need to do something in another room. I also use it when he is having a tantrum to let him get over it in a safe environment. He is a big boy and very strong, and if I use put him in his cot he is in danger of rocking it right over.

He is usually happy and has lots of toys in the pen with him. Sometimes though, when I am at my wits' end, I put him in there when I am just really fed up and need some space. He will then scream for a while and usually then go to sleep. I don't want him to associate it with negative feelings though. I am confused about what other people do when they just want a bit of peace for half an hour.

AIBU in any respect?

I used to dream of having a padded cell for my son at that age! I am impressed that yours hasn't worked out how to climb out of/ dismantle the playpen. Mine was uncontainable at that age. He could even climb out of his cot at 15 months, by hooking his foot right up over the edge above his shoulder.

if he's happy then i suppose there is no problem
my two would have been furious
i used to plop them in the buggy and go out for some fresh air

"I am confused about what other people do when they just want a bit of peace for half an hour"

Seriously, I get outside, to the park or to the library. DD reads, swings, plays, I sit and stare into the middle distance... or attempt to read a book maybe. Peace is when she's gone to bed at night.

Buggy idea certainly a good idea mazzy, I do that too. But there are times when I want to have a shower in peace, do an online order without having keys ripped off my keyboard, wash up without having kitchen cupboards empited ....; I could go on. Sigh. I am finding this VERY hard work at the moment.

Oh, to be able to read a magazine. Ha bloody ha!

I suppose by 'peace' I mean time alone. AIBU to 'want rid of DS' for half an hour a day? That sounds awful written down, but I just want some 'me time' before bed time (when I just want to sleep).

Have a kitchen cupboard it's alright to empty ie pans and tupperware. Put things in the tupperware for him to "discover". This will buy you some time to do the kitchen stuff.

Do online ordering and stuff when he's in bed.

When doing housework, give him a cloth/brush/sponge and get him to "help".

I bath with dd in the evening. If I want to shower I do it when she's asleep.

You have to work with what you've got instead of fighting against it.

Gawd you're not unreasonable at all. It's so tough. My dd gave up napping at 13 months and is on the go from 7am till 8 or 9pm.

Does anybody help? Will he play in his room? DD will potter on her own for 15 minutes or so but only recently. She's 22 months.

I find the best strategy is to tire her out as much as possible and hope for a 7pm crash. I at least then have a wee while to myself.

Thanks show of hands. ROFL (in spite of myself) at 'helping' with housework.

YABVS

(=you are being very sensible - do you think it will catch on?)

DD 20 mo is in the process of dropping her nap and I am finding the loss of that "downtime" in the middle of the day really hard.

I must admit I still put her in her cot at the same time with a load of toys and books, she plays happily for about 1/2 hour then I go and get her

I probably wouldn't put her there at times other than nap time though as that would feel not quite right.

I have to say though she is a pretty easy child so don't know what situaiton would be if she was more demanding/tamtrummy etc...

Do you go to playgroups etc? Don't like them myself but if you've got a lively one that would give you some peace

Ideas on activities for maximum tiring welcomed please...!!

I used to do it with ds1. Don't need to so far with ds2 (16 mo)- he will happily play for some time on his own and seems, bizarrely, quite keen on helping with things around the house. (His current favourite thing to do is put rubbish in bins. He's very good at it too.)

Once or twice I've popped him in his cot while I indulge in the luxury of an unwatched pee.

I think YABVS too!!

Right, take this situation - unfolding as i type, DS has pooed in his nappy but will not let me change him, he is hitting me, kicking me etc when I try to pick him up (I am black and blue!)... He keeps dragging me by the finger to go and 'hoover' with him, I got the hoover pipe out earlier as he likes playing with it..

nowt wrong with popping non-nappers into bed with some books and toys. dd often wants to do that. "have a teeny tiny rest" she says.
and there's always cbeebies.
i also find just ignoring them and letting them get on with it works a treat. mine were not mega destroyers though.

Playpens are a bit marmitey on here it seems - you either love them or hate them. I'm a fan. I had onefor exactly the reasons you described and it was a godsend. DD loved being in there, in fact sometimes she would take herself in there.

I didn't have enough space in my kitchen to let her have a cupboard of her own.

I needed to shower in the mornings before I went to work.

And come the evenings I was shattered and couldn't be bothered to do anything.

Nothing wrong with them if they are used appropriately IMO.

The one activity that was guaranteed to wear dd out (and still is) is swimming.

I think I would pick him up bodily, enfolding arms and legs and tell he mustn't hurt mummy. He is not too young to understand that. When he has calmed down, explain that he needs his nappy changed and you have to do that first. Do not waiver, do not let him sidetrack you. You're the boss here...(even though it doesn't feel like it sometines!)

Alternatively, while he is kicking and hitting, do not give him any attention, negative or positive. Turn your back on him. Chances are he will try to attract your attention to do what he wants. You then explain that he mustn't hurt you, and that he needs to have his nappy changed you can play hoover. Refuse to engage in any other conversation or play until he complies with your request.

Was just about to write Swimming! My DS always has a very long nap after we go swimming and so do I!

Thanks duchesse.

I put my dd in the playpen if i need to do stuff that can't wait til dh is home or dd in bed. Like if i need to go to the loo, make lunch, hang washing out etc. I don't see this as a problem because as far as i am concerned she is safe and usually quite happy in there for 15-20mins (if i am cooking) if not it is usually only for 5 mins. I think it only becomes a problem if you leave your child in there for long periods of time

I used a playpen to put by DS in when he threw a tantrum. After the first few times he used to ask me to put him in there when he got upset. I think he soon came to recognise it as a safe place to let off steam.

As for needing time away from your chiild it is absolutely essential and no way should you feel guilty about it.

I find that dd is of an age when she needs to be able to control her environment more and gets frustrated by being made to do things. So, I try to give her a choice in most things, even if it isn't really a choice.

So nappy changes (thankfully she's potty training) I say come and help me get a nappy (involve her) or go and get a nappy (give her chance to show how clever she is, big praise), now which nappy do you want, this one or this one (a choice), now do you know where your wipes are (again, praise), lots of chatting and enforced isn't this great fun malarkey. Sing songs, tickle, laugh, give him something to hold, distract with a DVD.

It sounds silly doesn't it. You want to do a 30 second job and you have to turn it into a show. But, being a toddler is strange. You're very busy turning around and wiggling your hands and somebody whisks you off and lies you down. Not fair. I try as far as possible to imagine what it's like for her, communicate what's happening before it happens and pretend it's all good fun, even if it isn't.

DD is a happy go lucky girl who speaks well and makes herself understod so she isn't as frustrated as she could be.

If your ds is still learning to talk, this can make him very cross because you can't understand him.

Pick what you will not allow. So no hitting, no kicking. If he does this, a firm no and Ignore. Always think 'does this matter?', if it doesn't like he wants to wear a pyjama top instead of a jumper, just let it go. Hitting and kicking, never let it go.

Tiring out:

Swimming
Park
Library
Ride on the bus
Go out 'collecting things' ie stones, leaves, a bit of fluff
Put some music on and dance
Simple obstacle courses with cushions, boxes, blankets to crawl under etc
Pretend play- dd can spend a long time 'cooking'

I didn't mean their own cupboard per se. I meant a cupboard that's safe for them to play with.

The weather's improving. It will get easier when they can rush about outside more.

Do you have family/friends nearby?

If you were near me I'd look after him for a morning quite happily. Where are you?

We have a playpen. I have used them with all of my children. I get the big one (lindam, babyden).

My OH has MS so its handy for him to put DS3 in. Its v hard for him to keep getting up to chase a toddler about. BTW we dont keep him in there all the time!

I put the christmas tree in it. Keeps the little blighters away. Its great for putting on the deck in the summer. You can put a cover on the top for shade.

Honestly - our LO likes his playpen. Its his space and he will go in there quite happily and play.

He is in there now having a lovely time.

Playpens are great for your sanity and keeps them safe IMO. I used one for about 6 months (not in one go obviously!) for my DS, it was in our bedroom and I'd pop him in there with lots of stimulating toys cbeebies on the telly then get on with showering or a bit of cleaning. No more than 15 minutes max tbh.

Before I got it, if I put him in his bed to keep him contained he'd think I was putting him down for a nap and have a meltdown!

It's going back up for DD next week! DH is away and I need to keep her contained will I do my ablutions in the morning!

YA NOT BU to want a little time in the day without him needing your full attention.

YA NOT BU to put him in a playpen - he's safe and usually happy and even if he's a little grumpy about it, it does not hurt them to learn that's it not all about them. I too am amazed he hasn't managed to get out of it, so I'd be super careful about how far away I went from him, but while it works - go for it!! When it doesn't, use a good stair gate on his bedroom door and make his bedroom safe - thus a bigger playpen!

Maximising tiring - swimming (as has been said), softplay places, playgroups, the social interaction as much as anything they actually do! Walking to the park and playing (not being pushed in the buggy there and back if possible) anything 'out' really, shopping, running around... I don't find there is much at home that really wears them out tbh.

Have you introduced him to any new/big boy activities lately? Crayola washable markers are a godsend, they really do come out of most everything (but I only let her have them at the table, so it's only her clothes they have to come off of!), sticking (stickers or rollerglue and paper), playdoh...

Re the 'unfolding situation' (WARNING: Some of you may wish to look away, old fashioned advice coming up!!) Develop a 'tone of voice' and a 'look' which they will come to learn means 'DO IT NOW I AM NOT MESSING!!' So, instead of asking very nicely 10 times for him to come and have his nappy changed, only ask him once or twice then TELL him to come here NOW! At first you will need to go and get him, but do it firmly without any cuddling or cajoling - he will get the message. Don't do anything else with him, until the thing you have told him is going to happen, happens (so here, change his nappy THEN go and play with the hoover with him), I know he is big and heavy, but he's only going to get bigger and heavier!!

Jazzhands - no ing!! It saves your sanity and she has a rest - perfect!

WAD what showofhandssaid.

Also, both DSs went to playgroup at 2 (one morning a week to start with). You go home and watch This Morning do the chores.

Both mine loved playgroup and it stopped me from going completely do-lally