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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To set an 8pm bedtime for my year 4 child?

34 replies

Madsometimes · 07/03/2009 10:53

My 8 and a half dd says that I am. According to her all the other children in her class go to bed at 9. Is this true? I can hardly get her out of bed in the mornings as it is.

OP posts:

blametheparents · 07/03/2009 10:55

SOunds fine to me. DS is in Yr 3 and he goes to bed at about 7.45 - 8.00. He is allowed to read until about 8.15pm though.
Perhaps your DD could have a later night on a Friday? Or occassionally during the holidays?

naturalblonde · 07/03/2009 10:57

YANBU. If she needs the sleep then it's fine. Plus you need a bit of time to yourself in the evening. My mum made me go to bed at 8 till I left primary school.

lljkk · 07/03/2009 10:58

She's talking tosh. Not her fault, though, they LIE to each other in the playground, not wanting to look uncool.

I think my Yr4 DS (9yo) gets to bed ridiculously late, and that's 8:45-9pm on school nights (last night it slipped to 10pm ).
I asked around and most of his peers are in by 8-8:30. A few are earlier.

Our timings work for us. I bring DS breakfast in bed about 7:30, sometimes he's already up and dressed by then.

lljkk · 07/03/2009 10:59

I often shove DS in his room at 8pm. He reads until I go turn out his lights later.

MarmadukeScarlet · 07/03/2009 11:01

My DD is 9 and in Yr 4, she is lights out by 7.30pm weekdays - it would be 7pm but trying to fit in all the afterschool activities and prep would be impossible.

Her school day is very long, we leave home at 7.50am for an 8.20 start and she finishes at 4.10 on a day with no choir, swimming, matches etc.

Last night she was allowed to stay up until 9pm as she doesn't have to get up until 7am.

Tonight is her big treat, a board game (then DS 4 goes to bed at 7pm) and a DVD of her choice with popcorn on the sofa.

So no, not unreasonable at all.

cory · 07/03/2009 11:05

8.30 for my Year 4 ds.

ChippingIn · 07/03/2009 11:07

I can hardly get her out of bed in the mornings as it is

Then no, you are not being unreasonable. I'd let her stay up later Fri/Sat (9pm) and tell her when she can get up the first time she is asked everyday for a whole week, then you'll think about it!

I would put money on it not being entirely true. I would think it would vary considerably between 8 and 10pm, with maybe the majority going about 9pm (which personally I think is a bit late for them, better about 8 with maybe 15-30 mins reading time -but JMO). You have to get tough on the 'all my friends do' approach or your life will be hell!

Lawks · 07/03/2009 11:08

It doesn't matter even if they all have 10pm bedtimes. Different people need different amounts of sleep. If your dd needs to go to bed at 8 then that's that.

ShrinkingViolet · 07/03/2009 11:12

DD1 (age 15) is quite often in bed by 9pm as she needs a LOT of sleep and always has. If your DD can't wake in the mornings, then she needs an early bedtime, simple as that. Is she able to understand the correlation between timings of bedtime and waking up, or not yet? DD1 accepted her early bedtime at that age because she could see how it affected her mornings, but not a lot of her friends were able to until later.

bubblagirl · 07/03/2009 11:12

you could try her with 8 pm and lights out at 9pm on a basis if she's too tired next day or does not get up when you call her it goes back to normal

then at least you can say you tried and she will know that she didn't cope well

christywhisty · 07/03/2009 11:12

As Lawks says it depends how much sleep she needs. At that age I think it was start getting ready for bed at 8.

MumGoneCrazy · 07/03/2009 11:14

My Ds is nearly 9 and on school nights he's in bed by 8pm and on weekends 10pmish although by half 9 he's usually dragging himself up to stairs because he's so tired

FAQinglovely · 07/03/2009 11:16

DS1 (8 1/2 yrs old) YR3 - goes to bed at 9pm BUT he needs very very little sleep, He often doesn't settle until 10pm ish (I can hear him moving around in his bed) and it's not unusual for him to be up at 6am or earlier.

FAQinglovely · 07/03/2009 11:19

actually he can survive on much less than that. The other week I discovered that he'd got up at 1.45am and had come downstairs and played on the computer all night - he was still going until his 9pm bedtime !

My DS2 needs much more sleep though. He goes to bed at 8pm and wakes up around 8am (although has been known to sleep until 10am and beyond at the weekends if allowed)

Wallace · 07/03/2009 11:19

9 year old ds is in bd at 8, and lights out at 8.30. 7 year old dd is in bed at 7.30, lights out at 8.

Both of them get up early - mostly because of early rising ds2!

bellavita · 07/03/2009 11:26

8.30pm weekdays for my 9yr old Yr4

Original poster

Madsometimes · 07/03/2009 11:28

She has to have lights out at 8pm but normally strings it out until 8:15pm. At weekends we are much more flexible, and often it is 9pm. Funnily enough, she always gets up early on weekends. This morning she was awake reading at 7 am, it is on school days that she cannot get up

She does like school, just not mornings. I know it is only going to get worse as the teenage years loom.

OP posts:

QOD · 07/03/2009 11:28

mine is yr 5 and 10 and betime is 8.30 realistically 9 ish with reading

Original poster

Madsometimes · 07/03/2009 11:29

Maybe I will let her go at 8:30pm after her birthday, but she will have to wait until August!

OP posts:

serenity · 07/03/2009 11:37

Mine are in Reception, Yr4 and Yr6 and they all go to bed at 8pm on school nights (DS1 has been told that he will get an extension when he starts secondary school) They need to sleep, or at least rest quietly (they have lights on/quiet reading for a while)

racmac · 07/03/2009 11:50

My yr3 8 yr old ds is in bed at 7.30 - 7.45pm

PlumpRumpSoggyBaps · 07/03/2009 11:52

Ds1 is 13 and still goes up at 8 (for bath) bed by 8.30, lights out at 9. But this is to accommodate two things- a) he's always needed lots of sleep and b) that he sneakily plays PSP under the duvet for about half an hour. (He thinks I don't know this)

I think 8 sounds ok, though I'd personally send her at 7.30 if she's struggling to get up on a school morning.

But I'm a Mean Mummy.

cookinmama · 07/03/2009 14:50

My remark for "but all the other children get to stay up later" is to tell DS that i am thrilled for them but they are not my kids and in my house it's my rules!

Because that is always the line I follow he rarely argues - DS is 12 and only got bedtime moved to 9 at christmas time before that it was 8 with half an hour reading.

The other thing that I do, if he won't get up in the morning for every 5 mins that he stays in bed he goes to bed 10 mins earlier that night - but I am a really mean mum!!

katiestar · 07/03/2009 15:00

If that is how much sleep she needs then YANBU.But remember that her friends might need less so it doesn't mean their parents ABU either

LittleMissFickle · 07/03/2009 15:17

My kids 11 and 12 and still go to bed at 8.30 on school nights,they still find it hard to get out of bed on a morning.

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