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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think first-degree cousins should not marry?

283 replies

Onestonetogo · 05/03/2009 17:06

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JacquelineBouvier · 05/03/2009 19:41

arranged marriages aside, why on earth would you want to marry your cousin? doesn't it just mean you should've got out more?

noonki · 05/03/2009 19:43

I thought so too rose [horrible man]

Around where I live there are a high number of first cousins that marry (my friends are, they have three children with no ). It does run much higher risks of genetic defects and the authority PCT issued a warning that they couldn't deal with the large number of children with sn that were being born as a result.

It is an issue that needs to be addressed, and is an issue that people are afraid to talk about because marry first cousins in this country is predominantly between people of Asian decent.

I think it is more cultural than religious. And my understanding was that it was to do with keeping wealth within families, as well as creating stronger links between families.

problems are more likely if first cousin marry parents who were also related.

noonki · 05/03/2009 19:44

JacquelineBouvier - all the people I know who have married their cousins have done so because the marriages were arranged.

JacquelineBouvier · 05/03/2009 19:47

that's what i imagined noonki. i just don't see people in this day and age marrying a close family member given the ease of travel, living away from extended family etc.

DanJARMouse · 05/03/2009 19:52

ooooh I wondered if it was about time for a married-cousin-bashing thread!

I am married to my first cousin.

We did not know each other growing up, first time I had a conversation with him I was 17, he was 21.

We became mates. Go to the pub, a movie etc just as I would with any friend.

Things became deeper, and when I was 21 we decided it was silly to keep brushing aside our feelings. We got married later that year. Ok, the parents werent too impressed (well his parents rather than mine) but they have all come round to it now (married 5yrs)

We have 3 children, DD1 is 4, DD2 is 3 and DS is 1.

DD1 is top of her reception class, despite only being part time (goes full time at easter as summer baby) She can read exceptionally well and is currently reading books from year 1 and 2. No disabilities at all.

DD2 is gorgeous, funny and very artistic. Maybe not as academic as DD1 but loves making things etc. Her only issue is the need of glasses, but considering all relatives on both sides wear glasses, hardly suprising. No disabilities.

DS is a great baby. No disabilities, and a real cheeky monkey.

So, there you have it. If any one has a problem, talk to me about it. As far as Im concerned I fell in love with a man that had become my best friend. The fact we were related was not on the radar.

We didnt know each other at all, until I randomly sent him a text saying happy birthday on his 21st birthday (he got his first mobile and had phoned my other aunt to say thanks for the cheque she sent him, and given his number to her and I was on holiday there at the time) and he then invited me down (lived 200 miles away)to go on the piss with him and have a laugh. He even set me up with his mate to start with!

So, am I wrong to be married to him, have 3 gorgeous kids and be so happy? I dont think so.

JazzHands · 05/03/2009 19:53

Plus we don't have such big families now. If I was to have to marry a cousin it would have to be a civil partnership or a 12 year old boy

When everyone had 10 children who all had ten children and so on it was a bit different maybe.

DanJARMouse · 05/03/2009 19:53

Oh and for the record, I am white British - not that it matters.

spongebrainbigpants · 05/03/2009 19:53

My best mate's parents are first cousins and her dad's parents are also first cousins - she was told not to marry any of her first cousins because there would be a risk of disability. Luckily she wouldn't touch them with barge pole!

There isn't a "very high rate" there is a slightly increased risk. I work with children with SN and it is one of the questions mentioned in their medical reports, i.e. "child is of related/non-related parents". We do have one family with four children in our local school for children with SN and they're cousins but this would be exceptional.

JacquelineBouvier · 05/03/2009 19:54

still a bit odd though, sorry

RubyRioja · 05/03/2009 19:55

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RubyRioja · 05/03/2009 19:56

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JazzHands · 05/03/2009 19:56
RubyRioja · 05/03/2009 19:57

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georgimama · 05/03/2009 19:59

You also used not to be able to marry your brother in law or sister in law (Henry VIII needed the Pope's permission to marry Katherine of Aragon) but you have been able to do so for some time now.

PussinJimmyChoos · 05/03/2009 20:00

I don't see what being Muslim has to do with it!

shonaspurtle · 05/03/2009 20:02

As has been already mentioned, the risks really appear when marriage between cousins, or any limited group, happens again and again over generations.

My friend married her first cousing djarm, they'd never met as children but got talking on a train when they were in their 20s - complete coincidence!

LadyGlencoraPalliser · 05/03/2009 20:04

Did I see step sister and step brother in that list? That can't be right surely?

Califrau · 05/03/2009 20:08

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SlightlyMadScotland · 05/03/2009 20:11

here is a pretty factual piece, but easy to undestand}

a scientific article. talks about increasses in the rate of Bronchial asthma, mental retardation, epilepsy and diabetes.

There are lots of scientifically backed studies.....thousands - from communities across the world. Saudi, Pakistan, India, malaysia, Netherlands, Italy are just a few I noted as I was scanning PubMed.

Many many disorders from blood disorders, skin diseases, dental diseases.....to depression. Some linkages are much much stronger than others.

BUT - and this is critically important...the genetic problems are only really reach significant problem after sequential generations of consanguineous marriages. So someone like JARM - whilst at a slightly increased risk of genetic abnomalities than if she hadn't married a cousin - is not the same thing as some of hte other communities mentioned - like the Muslims where the culture almost promotes cansanguineous marriages.

The other thing to remember is that some of the genetic abnormalities passed on in such a way are actually BENEFICIAL to the sufferer. Sickle cell trait for example is protective against Malaria in an environment where malaria is prevenlant.

groovyolmutha · 05/03/2009 20:17

It has been my understanding that in "English" culture over the last 40 plus years it has been legal to marry your cousin but a practice largely popular in the upper classes (breeding, don't you know! and keeping the money in-class) and in, how can I put this tactfully ...the less the well educated echelons of society, often rural communities. After all, it is nearly incest. I have a lot of adult first cousins and there is a very strong family resemblence. It would seem too much like marrying a brother or even a kind of male twin of self. Yuk!

Onestonetogo · 05/03/2009 20:22

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DanJARMouse · 05/03/2009 20:22

It is not nearly incest.

My god some people are so closed-minded over some things, I refuse to angry though.

Read my post, and tell me if you still feel it is wrong.

DanJARMouse · 05/03/2009 20:25

What genetic problems!?

There are none.

My children are all healthy and happy.

And if they want to marry their cousins, then it would be either a huge age gap or civil partnerships.

I have NOT been irresponsible. I have met and fallen in love with an adult. I have had children with this adult.

The fact that his mother and my father are brother and sister, is not a part of the equation.

His parents dont refer to me as their neice, I am their daughter-in-law. My dad refers to DH as his son-in-law.

SlightlyMadScotland · 05/03/2009 20:25

Someone asked about teh relevance of Muslims....those are the communities which are often identified as they have consanguinious marriage rates as high as 50% in countries where the primary religeon is Islam (e.g. Kuwait, Iraq, Palestine).

As I said though there are certainly studies carried out in other communities which show increased rates of genetic disorders.

And although I am providing lots of evidence that there is a strong link between marrying cousins and genetic abnormalities I am not against it. It is a matter of personal choice...and as has been pointed out the couple involved are not always aware of the familial relationship.

What may become a concern in teh future though is the increased burden on the health system in the future.

TheButterflyEffect · 05/03/2009 20:27

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