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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think my neighbours ought to warn me before band practice?

73 replies

jumpjockey · 05/03/2009 09:47

Neighbour plays in a band. When DD was about 5 weeks I had a meltdown at them for playing very loudly in the middle of the afternoon - drum kit, keyboard and guitars on amplifiers etc. Took 3 goes to get them to hear me banging on the door, and he said "Oh sorry, we didn't think anyone would be disturbed" And said they wouldn't do it again, in the manner of a chastised schoolboy.

Today they're going for it again. Now I don't object to the band practice per se, as obviously they've been trying to do it somewhere else for the last month, but AIBU to want some warning so I could at least have made plans to go somewhere with DD rather than have her woken up and unable to get back to sleep? It's not as if they're feckless teenagers, he's in his 40s and they have a 5 year old kid themselves so know how hard it can be to get them to nap during the day.

OP posts:

Lindenlass · 05/03/2009 09:50

Sorry, but I think YABU. They are doing it at a time when most people will be up and about and that suggests to me that they're pretty thoughtful anyway. How many houses are there near you? How many doors would he need to knock on to warn them just in case there happens to be a toddler who needs naps at random times of the day in there?

Go round there, ask him if he would mind letting you know a list of the times they'll be practising and then work around them.

Original poster

jumpjockey · 05/03/2009 09:57

Linden - we're in a terrace, we all know each other's family arrangements so they know I'm the only person with a baby at the moment, and so the only person likely to be affected by it.

Re asking for when they will be practicing - fair enough, but would it have been too much for them to let me know about this one beforehand?

OP posts:

bubblagirl · 05/03/2009 09:58

to be honest i agree that its a time of day that is fine they have right to practice

i also feel for you i wanted the whole world to stop while ds was sleeping if someone sneezed outside my window i wanted to fly at them but i was told introducing noises like this was the right thing to do as they do learn to sleep through it and need to get used to having noises around them

we used to put tv up a bit or play music slightly louder and ds got used to it and slept through it eventually it stopped him being such a light sleeper

all you can do is make sure baby is napping in a space that is calm and put some soft music on and close windows to drown sound out

LilyBolero · 05/03/2009 09:58

You can still do something with your dd though can't you? Take her swimming or something?

JazzHands · 05/03/2009 09:59

I think YABU a bit too.

I know it is easy to get stressed about this stuff though.

When I was 7 months PG our next door neighbours started a massive extension with bulldozers smashy things shouty builders with radios etc. i knew the work was going to take 5-6 months and got really worked up about it. I kept saying tearfully to DH that I would have to go and live at my mums with the new baby and he would never see her .

In the end it was fine, the baby slept through it and if they got too noisy I just went for a walk.

Could you do that? It doesn't sound like it's very often you could just take a stroll...

How often is it?

bubblagirl · 05/03/2009 10:01

its not fair to expect everyone to stop doing what they do because you have a baby its annoying but its also ok for them to be doing that at that time

all you can do is play your soft music slightly louder baby will get used to the noise its not all the time so you should try and just accept every now and then there will be some noise

Original poster

jumpjockey · 05/03/2009 10:01

Lily - she's 13 weeks so a bit small for swimming! Is currently on the playmat looking zonked.

bubbla - it's not the practice that bothers me, it's the no warning. And it's not a gentle noise that I could disguise by playing soft music, it's like someone playing rock music full tilt in my living room! Our walls are pretty thin

Oh well - consensus is IABU, fair enough. Precious first child syndrome and will get them to tell me a schedule of practice for the next few months so can make plans around it.

OP posts:

FAQinglovely · 05/03/2009 10:04

I agree with the others, gradually get your DD used to noise - they do learn to sleep through noise if they get used to it - and ask for a practice schedule so you can plan around it, then they can practice to their hearts content and you won't get upset at the noise

morningpaper · 05/03/2009 10:06

It is tough, I remember coming VERY close to storming up to my local church and thrusting my three-month-old at the FECKING BELLRINGERS WHO WERE FECKING RINGING FECKING BELLS but you mellow over time...

JazzHands · 05/03/2009 10:12

If it's not often though it's not too bad surely - can't you pop DD in pushchair and go for a walk? She will sleep if she is tired (unless she is a totally objectionable one like ours ). A walk might help you calm down a bit as well... Do you have any parks/shops nearby?

Uriel · 05/03/2009 10:16

Er, rather than getting them to give you a list of times when they practice, how about you asking them not to practice at dd's nap time?
Or giving them a list of times when it doesn't bother you at all - when you're shopping etc?

Uriel · 05/03/2009 10:19

Oh dear, practise.

2rebecca · 05/03/2009 10:22

I think if band practice is infrequent and noisy then asking your neighbour to put a piece of paper through the door saying "we will be practicing tomorrow between 2 and 4pm" shouldn't be unreasonable.
It would be unreasonable to expect them not to play in daytime or early evening though, and he shouldn't have to OK times with you.
If he's just practicing 1 instrument then he shouldn't have to notify you at all, but I would expect him to keep the amp turned down if its an electric instrument.
We all play instruments, but I think a single violin or quiet electric guitar is a bit different to a full rock band with amps on. It should be possible to ask him to turn the amp down as well, although you're stuck with the drums.

JazzHands · 05/03/2009 10:25

I'm imagining 5 blokes with beer and drumkits!

Not a single violin - although the squawking could be eben worse than bad rock

How often do they practice OP? Is it just when DD was 5 weeks and then again now (13 weeks)?

Lemontart · 05/03/2009 10:35

morningpaper I even wrote a letter for our village newspaper complaining about noise pollution and inconsiderate troublemakers. Told DH and he had to go round and apologise to the lovely editor and ask for my letter back I had a very small baby and suffering from sleep deprivation, too tearful and embarrassed go round myself

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 05/03/2009 10:37

I think YANBU, I don't feel you should have to put up with someone else's noise disturbing your peace inside your own home, whatever time it is!!

mayorquimby · 05/03/2009 10:38

"We all play instruments, but I think a single violin or quiet electric guitar is a bit different to a full rock band with amps on."

i used to live beside someone who believed their little mary was a child prodigy,she wasn't. being woken up by screeching violin at the weekend is infinitely more painful than some good old fashioned rock music.

JazzHands · 05/03/2009 10:45

Fanjo what should the op do when her baby cries - as next door will hear.

A little tolerance each way would be good don't you think? It seems like a pretty sporadic thing and it's in the afternoon not the middle of the night.

Until we can all afford to live in detached triple glazed houses we need to be tolerant when what the people are doing is reasonable. Having an occasional band practice in the afternoon is reasonable I think...

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 05/03/2009 10:47

A baby crying is quite different to loud rock music sounding like it is in your living room IMO.

mayorquimby · 05/03/2009 10:52

"I think YANBU, I don't feel you should have to put up with someone else's noise disturbing your peace inside your own home, whatever time it is!! "

completely unrealistic if you live in terrace,semi detached or apartments. yyou just have to know when it is acceptable to make noise and when it's not (lets say after 9 am and not after about 9/10)
after that it's a bit of consideration on all sides to try and iron out the details.
as was said, if we go by your rules, what happens when the op's baby starts crying?by your rules it doesn't matter if the op can't help her baby crying as the neighbours should not have to put up with their peace being disturbed in their own house.ditto diy essential or recreational.
when you choose to live in close quarters with others then their is an indirect acceptance that you will be subjected to noise.

mayorquimby · 05/03/2009 10:55

"A baby crying is quite different to loud rock music sounding like it is in your living room IMO."

the last 3 letters are crucial there. because i know which i'd infinitely prefare to live beside. someone with a baby who is liable to cry at any given moment regardless of the time, or someone who has a rock band and is considerate enough to practoce during the day, not even the late evening when most people are looking to relax after their day.
but that doesn't mean that i'm right and your wrong, it means that when we live in close quarters we have to accept a certain amount of reasonable disturbance from our neighbours.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 05/03/2009 10:57

I do live in an apartment, with people on every side...

As I said I think a baby crying is different, noone decides, OK, for my enjoyment I will get my baby to cry loudly this afternoon..and you don't get studios you can rent for baby crying practice!

Anyway i didn't come along to get into a big argument, was merely answering the OP as to whether or not I thought she was BU

JazzHands · 05/03/2009 10:59

But a crying baby is all day and night for months and this band is playing (from what I can tell) once every few weeks in the afternoon. Sounds like a fair deal to me.

To say that they can't practice at all or have to go somewhere else is a bit mean. Would that apply to children learning the violin/trumpet/piano or if people liked singing as well?

A bit of noise every now and then is part and parcel of living in close proximity with other human beings.

CaptainKarvol · 05/03/2009 11:00

I'm with fanjo on this one, but am fully aware what a minority pov it is on MN to believe that the default should be peace and quiet.

Why should it be the noisy sods that win out - why not if you live in a semi or terrace or flat you have to accept that it is not a reasonable place to have your band practice, as it will disturb all the people around you?

JazzHands · 05/03/2009 11:03

So the default position should be that no-one ever makes any noise at home?

No TV, radio, musical instruments, DIY, laughter, singing, food processers, lawn mowing etc?

Old people would be screwed for a start as they like to have their TVs mega loud

And in my old flat it would have meant that the people upstairs weren't allowed to walk around at all!!!

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