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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think my neighbours ought to warn me before band practice?

73 replies

jumpjockey · 05/03/2009 09:47

Neighbour plays in a band. When DD was about 5 weeks I had a meltdown at them for playing very loudly in the middle of the afternoon - drum kit, keyboard and guitars on amplifiers etc. Took 3 goes to get them to hear me banging on the door, and he said "Oh sorry, we didn't think anyone would be disturbed" And said they wouldn't do it again, in the manner of a chastised schoolboy.

Today they're going for it again. Now I don't object to the band practice per se, as obviously they've been trying to do it somewhere else for the last month, but AIBU to want some warning so I could at least have made plans to go somewhere with DD rather than have her woken up and unable to get back to sleep? It's not as if they're feckless teenagers, he's in his 40s and they have a 5 year old kid themselves so know how hard it can be to get them to nap during the day.

OP posts:

Marthasmama · 05/03/2009 11:03

I think the local council would take a very different view to most of you if the OP did complain. My DH's band used to practice in the garage, which is not joined to any other houses. They practiced on a Sunday afternoon and warned the local neighbours. That didn't stop them complaining and sending the council round. DH was told to stop or he would be fined/taken to court. Noise pollution is a serious matter and personally I would complain if a band was practicing in the house next door. A baby crying is nowhere near as loud as a full band using amps.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 05/03/2009 11:08

I don't think it's exactly fair to compare "singing" and "laughter" and a food processor to band practice.

JazzHands · 05/03/2009 11:12

Why not? Espcially if one is all the time and the other is very occasionally.

I would rather live next door to someone who had a band practice once every couple of months than someone who belted out showtunes all day long.

My next door neighbours all like a good sing and are very very loud and very very out of key. But it keeps them happy and sometimes I play my music loudly when I'm in the mood. A bit of give and take...

Marthasmama · 05/03/2009 11:12

I am wondering if any of you know just how loud a band actually is. I am not being patronising it's just that to compare the noise of a full band using amps to radio or TV would suggest that you haven't had first hand experience of a band playing in a small residential setting.

CaptainKarvol · 05/03/2009 11:14

You're being daft, JH. That's a complete straw man. Band practice is not the same as having the radio on etc. It's a lot louder, for one thing.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 05/03/2009 11:15

I have.,.I shared a flat with a guy who used to do his band practice during the day when i was trying to study.

JazzHands · 05/03/2009 11:16

Um well my brother was in a band they used to practice in his bedroom (no complaints from neighbours due to locality) and many ex boyfriends have been in bands.

I find the bad drumming the worst noise-wise.

I don;t think anyone is denying that it is very very noisy.

But from what I can see it's not frequent and is in the afternoon. A lot of peple have parties til late which is much more annoying, and do all manner of other noisy things. Some people repair old vehicles for a hobby and that can make one hell of a racket.

As long as it's infrequent I don't really think it's on to tell people they mustn't do something they enjoy.

Every week and it would be different.

wastingmyeducation · 05/03/2009 11:16

If they don't practice very often, they won't be very good.
And a bad band playing loudly next door must be horrid.

One or two instruments practiced at home is acceptable, but a full band should be in a practice room. Far too loud for a terrace.

Marthasmama · 05/03/2009 11:18

Helpful of him fanjo . A band using amps is much louder than you would expect, certainly a full band would be louder than the loudest setting on any radio.

mayorquimby · 05/03/2009 11:21

"I am wondering if any of you know just how loud a band actually is. I am not being patronising it's just that to compare the noise of a full band using amps to radio or TV would suggest that you haven't had first hand experience of a band playing in a small residential setting"

i'm pretty sure we do.i know that they are bloody loud. my point is that personally i would far rather live beside someone who makes noise occasionally (and in the case above it's once a month) very loudly, than live beside someone who constantly is doing diy or has their tv loud or has a crying baby. as that would annoy me much more.
i accept that band practice will annoy some. but it's this idea that the default setting should be peace and quiet. it's simply impossible.

Marthasmama · 05/03/2009 11:22

Just re-read the OP. No you are definately not BU to ask for some warning. The OP isn't asking them to stop, just to let her know in advance. I don't see how anyone can really argue with that. She's certainly being more generous about the band practice then I would be!

JazzHands · 05/03/2009 11:25

But it's once every couple of months (from what the op has said so far)!

Live and let live I say, that's not much to ask.

It is not silly to compare it to other noises, which while less noisy, may be more irritating, and may go on all day every day and through most of the night.

I think we need the OP to come back with very specific details about this band, how many, what instruments, how long they're playing, etc so we can all judge properly...

Anyway captain karvol I was reponding to your position that the default position should be peace and quiet, which would exclude all the activities I mentioned earlier. I was not saying that they were as loud as a band, simply that they were not "peace and quiet".

I know some of my neighbours get really angry in the summer at the noise of the children playing in the gardens too - they say they should be taken to the park - as they are disturbing the peace and quiet.

CaptainKarvol · 05/03/2009 11:35

To answer that then, I do think that the default should be peace and quiet. If I want to listen to loud music, I do it using headphones - why would I think my neighbours want to or should have to listen as well? I think anyone choosing to make a disturbing amount of noise 'all day every day and through most of the night' is utterly unreasonable - would anyone honestly think differently?

There is a world of difference between noise you cannot choose to turn off (a baby crying, I think someone said earlier) and an 'I like this so I'm going to do it and stuff the rest of you' noise like amplified music. IMO.

Merrylegs · 05/03/2009 12:38

YANBU.
The noise must be deafening! If you are in a band then you should organize a regular, safe place to practice. You say they have been going somewhere else for a month. That's encouraging. Fingers crossed for you that this was just a blip and they couldn't get the hall/studio/isolated garage(!) that day.

It is def. worth them knowing that you can hear them and are bothered by the noise. It's not the same as a loud radio or a TV. Hearing every word of next door's Eastenders is a pain, having someone giving it large with the fender strats, the bass drum and a set of amps is not on.

They should have let you know what they were planning in a residential area, baby or not.

Original poster

jumpjockey · 05/03/2009 12:39

Oh good lord I didn't want this to turn into a debate about whether they should be allowed to practice or not - of course they should. I ended up taking DD out for a walk and she managed to get some sleep, and having just got back the practice has now stopped.

Details: 1 drumkit, 2 amplified guitars, amplified keyboard, amplified singer. Loud enough that they weren't able to hear me knocking very hard at the door for a long time. They work from home and claim not to be able to hear our daughter through the walls (not sure if they're just being polite but I've asked them several times and they always say no), in any case she doesn't cry very often at night and if she cries in the daytime I take her out for a walk so they don't get disturbed.

Frequency - yes, this is only the second time it's disturbed her sleep, and that's the very reason why I thought they might be able to give me some warning - if they've been practicing elsewhere most of the time, they obviously know it can be disturbing to neighbours. It's not as if they just happened to be next door with all their kit, it must have been arranged in advance. She's not at the age of having any kind of set routine so when she goes to sleep I try my best to keep her asleep!

All I was asking was if they're going to do it - once a month or once a week, whatever -they let me know when that is so I can make plans to be somewhere else. I have no intention of reporting them to the council or telling them they can't practice. I just thought it would be courteous to say "We'll be practicing tomorrow from 9am until whenever, just to let you know".

OP posts:

WilyWombat · 05/03/2009 12:46

I think your neighbour is trying to be considerate i.e playing in the day when in theory not so many people will be disturbed. He has just forgotten what having a small baby is like.

It is completely unrealistic to expect a band to hire somewhere every time they want to practice...all of your favourite bands probably started out practicing in someones garage

I would drop a note through the door just say "sorry I dont mean to be a pain but could you please let me know next time you plan to practice during the day as the baby needs naps and I will ensure we are out"

Trust me it could be much worse the lad next door started drumming in the room next to ds bedroom....in the evening at 7pm just as he went to bed. We just lived with it as it wasnt every day and the children now sleep through anything, I can even hoover the hallway just after theyve gone to sleep

wastingmyeducation · 05/03/2009 12:52

Wily, every band I know hire somewhere, every time they practice. It's normal.

WilyWombat · 05/03/2009 12:53

LOL Jumpjockey - hopefully if you drop a note through the door he will think next time - there have been quite a few debates on here regarding how inconsiderate playing musical instruments in a terrace is. I just figure this year its their child....next year it will probably be mine playing the trumpet/drums/electric guitar!

Our local councillor noticed the drumming coming from next door to us and started making "thats not acceptable noises" but we just let it go...if it had been every evening then I would have mentioned it directly to the neighbours

Tbh if I had then asked them not to do it at certain times and they still did then I would have been annoyed...

WilyWombat · 05/03/2009 12:54

It may be normal if you live in a town...but if you live in a smaller community that facility just isnt available.

Original poster

jumpjockey · 05/03/2009 12:54

When did I say I think they should hire somewhere? There are at least 5 members of the band so if they practice once a week, they could go to each person's house in turn and warn the neighbours. That's all I asked for, a bit of advance notice!

OP posts:

WilyWombat · 05/03/2009 12:58

You didnt, someone else did

Helen31 · 05/03/2009 13:09

YANBU jumpjockey, in fact you sound like you are being very reasonable to me.

I am torn between being pleased and gutted that our noisy neighbours (had to be reminded repeatedly that 3.30am was not the time to have loud music and shouty men outside in the street - strangely the mobile phones they had given us to contact them if we had a problem with their noise were always turned off during parties ) have moved out before our new baby arrives. I had so planned to hold a crying baby against the wall at 7am on a weekend morning.

But your approach sounds much more sane!

JazzHands · 05/03/2009 13:16

jumpjockey we're not all arguing with you directly we're arguing with each other

I think that what you are saying is entirely reasonable.

But there have been some other views which I do not think are as reasonable

Re the hiring somewhere - are teenage boys able to afford it? All the teen boys I knew at school practiced at home/in the garage. And it is usually teen boys - or midlife crisis style like the op's neighbours. Unless her neighbours are in fact U2!

wastingmyeducation · 05/03/2009 13:31

Pub function rooms, barns, or yes a garage if you're detached. There are plenty of options that don't impose on your neighbours.
Any body who takes their band seriously will move out of their bedroom to a proper practice room quickly.

And if you don't care enough to pay for a room, it's not important enough to bother your neighbours with.

Sorry Jazzhands, but there's a big gap between teens/crisis and U2. Most of the music industry is somewhere in the middle.

RealityIsMyOnlyDelusion · 05/03/2009 13:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

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