Friend asked to have wedding marquee in my garden

[LGoodLife]

this summer - what do I say? Its a big garden but not posh - untidy grass and climbing frame.

If it were a good friend and I trusted them and their family to "pull their weight" and not leave you in the lurch or out of pocket, why not? Could be a lot of fun

Obviously, there are plenty of pitfalls, not least, what happens if it is very wet and muddy.. could trash your garden totally if the marquee and walkways are not boarded etc BUT it could be a really laugh

Why not enjoy it? We had a marquee reception in a family friend?s garden and it was wonderful, relaxed and special. We hired posh loos, boarded walkways and the main marquee, put up a separate boarded out smaller marquee for the children and filled with table tennis, tv and video one end, lots of board games, small trampoline, colouring etc. so wet or dry they could go play away from the adults. All catering was external and I did the flowers with my mum the day before.
The land owners but the grass frequently for us and kindly cleared the farm yard up for a carpark. They had a great time too and really enjoyed being part of the day. Obviously we were careful about not taking advantage, consulted and asked them all the way, showed our appreciation in both verbal thanks and gifts etc.

Handled, well, I think you could really enjoy it

I went to a garden wedding reception with portaloos last year. It was hideous. Like bloody Glastonbury with nowhere to put your bag or do your lippie and your clothes trailing in god knows what on the floor. And the power went in them so you had to pee in the dark.
I would do it for my best mate, going all out with cleaning up afterwards and call it my gift to her.

Wizzska, the key words there are "your mum's garden." Many people would choose this option (if they had the space) for close family. But I think its a very big ask just for a friend. There've been some excellent words of caution on here.
Just be aware, though, that "just tidy up a bit beforehand and afterwards" is a very loose phrase. It depends how houseproud you are,mind you, but I would be weeding and pruning months in advance just to try and prove it was always like that.
And the bride is unlikely to be around for clearing up the day afterwards. She's highly likely to be on a plane somewhere. It might need careful planning to ensure her family pitch in for the unglamorous bits when hangovers are raging.

If people have a choice between portaloos and sneaking into the the house I suspect there will be a lot of sneaking going on...

Personally I wouldn't do it, but I wouldn't have a big party of my own, I'd get too stressed about it all...

If I was in a position to do it for one of my friends then I certainly would, but I would make a big list of all the things that I wanted clarifying (such as loos, insurance, parking, water supply, electricity etc) and I would have to be 100% happy with all of the details before I said yes.

Have you mentioned it to your DH yet??

Dh not back from business trip yet. Think I need to discuss this face to face not send a txt!

Portaloos are lovely now with piped music etc, from what I have seen at other bashes.

I do know her pretty well, she's lovely and mutual friends would all pitch in.

She's thinking of barn dance and hog roast.

It would be very generous of you. And they'd feel obliged to do work there first if it's a mess.

But there'd be guests traipsing in and out to the loos all day

My BIL and SIL did this for their wedding in August in his parent's back garden. Me and DH were very when they told us but it worked out really well in the end, around 140 people were there and the next day there was no mess and unless you were staying there nobody went in their house. They also hired the church hall which was just across the way which helped.

Other friends had a marquee wedding on a private piece of land. They had lush portaloos.

At both weddings they had only wine, beer and cider which def cut down on extreme drunkeness. Obv soft drinks as well! BIL's wedidng had a 'bar' with some local girls serving glasses of wine and the other wedding just had every laid out for people to help themselves.

Both weddings were gorgeous and nobody got v.drunk at all - in fact people got drunker at my naff venue wedding!

but please don't rely on the 'I'm sure all her friends and family will pitch in' approach...

Get every detail written down in a contract. She might not have thought about all the work involved and who is going to do it either, or the costs.

I would draw up a detailed list, timescales, allocation of tasks and responsibilities, what happens if things aren't done (eg will they cover costs of bringing in cleaners if your house is trashed...?)

People do fall out horribly in this kind of situation because everyone assumes they are thinking the same things and that friendship or love will win the day: it doesn't. Get it in writing.

One thing to be VERY clear about is timescales, there is no natural cutoff in a private venue and you don't want to be resentfully lying there with a pillow over your ears at 4am because the bride is still avin' it large on the dancefloor and you can't bear to march in and spoil the fun.

At my SIL wedding people were still drinking at 7 the next morning, fortunately they had a live band with no stereo so no music after the band had gone home, but I don't think my PILs got much sleep that night.

I think in your position I would stipulate a closing time and get her to put it on the invitation, and invent a narky neighbour liable to call the police if you go past x o'clock.

I agree about not assuming anything. Make sure you know who is staying behind or coming back to do the cleaning up. I would add that I wouldn't do this for anyone except a very close friend or family, but it is brilliant if it all comes together.

another point is that you will end up doing a lot of work in teh days before taking delivery of things like the marquee, flowers, furniture etc. As with most deliveries they are delightfully vague about things like exact timings and advance warning. Then the same goes for collection afterwards of course.

If you don't work and are happy to be around for all this then fine - but if not you need to be prepared to give someone keys to your house and have them basically sit in for a week beforehand to take delivery of all this.

My cousin got married in a marquee in her parents garden, it was lovely.

It was a lot of work before and after (most of it was done for them but there was so much to organise too)

The grass was a write off after a over a week of having a huge tent on it/no sun/no water. When you say a field, would you have to replant the grass afterwards?

The had gorgeous loos, with paintings on the walls and proper running water. (posh portaloos)

"just to correct a few points on here - you definitely DON'T need an alchohol license - as long as you don't charge for admission or for the drinks then it IS a private event."

make sure the bride know this - that she'd have to either provide free alcohol all night or pay the licence fees - things like this can make DIY options less attractive financially. A cash bar saves £££s which is why we went for a venue in the end.

And catering costs arent just the price of the food per head - you need to hire 100 sets of cutlery, delph, chairs, glasses etc. There's tables and table cloths. lighting. Heating (maybe). PA system. Servers.

Has she really done her sums? We were offered a beautiful old hall for practically free but when we totted everything up it was just too expensive to do it ourselves. Our venue worked out so much cheaper.

Am certain you would need public indemnity insurance. In case someone has an accident on your property and blames (i.e. sues) you.

I think the idea of getting them to come over to yours (before you decide) to explain to you exactly how it would all work is a very good one.

You can gauge how much they ahve actually thought all the above things through.

If it seems they have not, you can give them a list of things to go away and think about.

I have never been to a wedding where I have been back to help clear up. I have been to many parties where I have though. So I think you need to consider that they either pay for someone to come and help or come back them selves.

Also the weather issue is a very important one. Will parking and access be an issue if it is blowing a gale or pouring with rain for days beforehand?

Friend apparently has more options to consider so I don't need to panic too much yet, have told her to assess size of area needed before going further.....look out for post-wedding thread in late Aug.