Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think that teachers shouldn't work in the same schools that their children attend?

49 replies

TheBFG · 04/03/2009 11:03

Let me just start by saying that this is nothing against teachers.

When my ds was at preschool there was another little girl who also went there whose mum had been a teacher before she had children. A whole group of us became friends and she became a part of our social circle, and also had lots of other friends among her other older child's parents.

When her dd started school she took a job as a TA at the school. However, a couple of years later, a teaching post became available at the school, she applied and was successful.

Now, because so many of the parents knew her personally before they knew she was a teacher, they know an awful lot about her private life that they wouldn't know about the other teachers iyswim, and she is the subject of much gossip in the playground. She is also hugely unpopular, as people know things about her private life, i.e. that she has had affairs for instance and this has clouded their judgement of her teaching methods.

I realize that obviously she can work where she wants, and that working in her children's school is probably the most convenient for her. But I can't help thinking that schools should perhaps think twice before recruiting someone who is seen as a parent first, and a teacher worthy of respect and with an influence over their children's education second.

It can't be nice for her knowing (and she must surely know, as everyone knows, iyswim), that she is essentially the gossip of the playground.

OP posts:
TigerFeet · 04/03/2009 11:07

I also think it's hard for the children of schoolteachers who are at the same school. My Mum is a TA at the small primary school my sister went to and they were constantly at one another's throats because my sister couldn't do with anything at school without my Mum expressing an opinion about how bad/good/cheeky or whatever she was being. I think there needs to be distance between teaching staff and children. My sister never had the freedom to be like the other kids at school because my Mum was always watching her in the playground, talking to teachers (who are also my Mum's friends outside of school) about her and so forth. Their relationship improved no end once my sister went to High School.

Never thought of the playground gossip element tbh but you do have a point.

expatinscotland · 04/03/2009 11:09

There is no choice in some rural areas as there's only one school.

TigerFeet · 04/03/2009 11:14

Fair enough if there's no choice. Mum did have a choice though. I always felt sorry for my sister, but that's as much down to my Mum's personality as anything else. She expects perfection at all times and my sister could never get away from that. Not all Mums are as demanding of their children.

Madmentalbint · 04/03/2009 11:15

My friend's daughter had friendship problems with a girl whose mum was deputy head - and it caused all sorts of problems. On one occassion the girls had been called in to discuss an incident with the HT and Deputy HT - so obviously the other girl had her Mum with her, where as my friend's daughter felt unsupported and alone. She was only about 9/10 at the time.

Before this all happened I always thought it was nice for parents and their children to work in the same schools.

stealthsquiggle · 04/03/2009 11:18

My mother taught us, and in the same school as us. I can't say I feel any deep emotional scars as a result.

There are at least 1 or 2 staff children in every class at DS's school (3 in DS's) as in most independent schools, IME.

Nemoandthefishes · 04/03/2009 11:19

am torn on this.
If she is qualified then her private life has nothign to do with her teaching ability and think most teachers come under some flack regardless of it they know parents or not.
I have a couple of friends who teach in Ds school in the juniors. Knew them a long time before I had Ds and am happy for them to teach DS but my relationship and knowledge about them and their private lives have nothing to do with what I will think of them as a teacher. One of my friends also had her own son go through the school and last year she was his teacher.

sagacious · 04/03/2009 11:22

Every mid day assistant at our smallish (180 pupil) village school has a son/daughter at the school.

There are 6 teachers and three of them have children at the school.

Most t.a's also have children at the school. (majority of them have started as volunteers helping with literacy)

As far as I can see theres no favoritism (I know one child finds it deeply embarrassing his mum works there)

The fact the OP knowS rather unsavory stuff about the teacher is unfortunate, but should your opinion of her be clouded by that judgement surely it should be on the quality of her teaching

[gavel]

bigTillyMint · 04/03/2009 11:25

My mum was a teacher at my Primary School. So was another girl's mum. My mum was not friendly with my friends parents, just with the other teachers

I would not want to teach at my DC's school as I am friendly with their friend's mums and dads. I would feel that I was being closely scrutinised

Maybe the OP's teacher/mum has incredibly thick skin?

admylin · 04/03/2009 11:29

For me, that's a sign that it's a good school if teachers have their own dc attending.

Madmentalbint · 04/03/2009 11:32

Good point admylin

Jaamy · 04/03/2009 12:07

Is it any different from family members working together in any setting?? Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. Don't see why schools should be any different (apart from the ages obv). However, because of problems that can arise, many businesses have rules about family members working together.

BFG - I suspect if your friend got a job as the local GP, etc there would be gossiping in the waiting room or wherever. It's a problem that she has to deal with...

Am surprised, Nemo that your friend taught her own child given the size of the school, it would have been quite easy for him to have been put in another class, I would have thought, just to stop any rumours of favouritism, etc.

georgimama · 04/03/2009 12:20

Don't be daft.

Does it matter if she has allegedly had affairs? Does this actually prevent her being a good teacher?

Why shouldn't she work in the school where her children are pupils?

If the school actually refused to recruit someone because their own children attended the school, I am pretty certain a creative employment lawyer could argue that was sexual discrimination. Or just plain discrimination.

StripeyKnickersSpottySocks · 04/03/2009 12:25

I think you all ought to stop gossiping about her. Whatever her private life is about shouldn't affect her ability as a teacher. Teaching jobs can be hard to come by so she prbably hasn't had much choice.

I'm a midwife at my local hospital, lots of the pregnant women in this village have seen me a bit worse for wear after a few drinks (off duty). Then the next week they might see me running the a/n clinic at the Drs or even delivering their baby on labour ward. It doesnt make me an incompetent midwife.

mm22bys · 04/03/2009 12:28

It's up to her (and the school) to decide that. No doubt she has at least some inkling that things are being said about her - it's up to her to decide if she's happy working in such an environment, and the other parents should stop gossiping about her and mind their business.

YABU.

mm22bys · 04/03/2009 12:31

Oh should say, it was very strange to see at DS's school a parent working as a TA, when she had that term withdrawn her son from the school.

If the school is not good enough for her child, why should she work there?

I would prefer to have children of teachers at the school as it does give a vote of confidence in the school, than the children being withdrawn.

kidcreoleandthecoconuts · 04/03/2009 12:36

its up to her if she wants to work at this school. You should be mature enough to be able to separate her personal and professional lives.
It sounds like the 'playground gossips' need to get lives of their own instead of commenting on someone elses. She's a teacher FGS not a nun!

OnlyWantsOne · 04/03/2009 12:45

It must have been her choice to work there.

If you are a friend of hers I would offer her some advice, and tell her if she ever needs to talk to some one then you are still there as her friend too.

People are allowed to have a personal and a work life. It's a shame that the two are conflicting - and a shame that people use her life as a form of entertainment.

Poor them, if they have to live vicariously...

Be her mate... Im sure she can be both a teacher to your children and a parent too.

unknownrebelbang · 04/03/2009 12:47

YABU.

In DS3's school, the Head, deputy, and all the teachers who have children have sent their children there, plus all the TAs started off volunteering, then got paid posts at our local school.

It's viewed as a good school, and there's not a lot of good schools locally, so why should these children suffer because of the job their parents do?

As far as the OP is concerned, her private life is just that. If there are issues with her teaching methods, then you may have a point, but you don't indicate that there are.

LauriefairycakeeatsCupid · 04/03/2009 12:48

she's 'unpopular' because the parents can't separate her private life from her professional life.

Sounds like it's the parents problem, not the teachers.

Bet there was a bit less of a problem when she was 'just' a TA.

not very accepting of the parents I don't think.

thumbwitch · 04/03/2009 12:48

At my senior school 2 of the girls in my class had mums working there as teachers (one geography, one biology). They were never in their class, though - i.e. we couldn't have their mums as form teachers, and we had a different geography teacher (there was more than one); and the other girl was in a different biology set than the one her mum taught.

Thus, it was never an issue really.

LauriefairycakeeatsCupid · 04/03/2009 12:49

And I think gossiping about her in the playground would undermine her professionally and be a dreadful thing to do.

Lilyloo · 04/03/2009 12:50

I actually think her private life has no impact on her teaching and am shocked anyone would think so.

TBH playground gossip changes from day to day i can t imagine that the fact she had an affair x number of years ago is going to be the subject for the rest of her teaching career tbh! Bit like yesterdays newspaper.

My ds school has a couple of parents , ta's and now the headmaster who have children at the school. I personally find that reassuring that they think it is good enough to send their own children there.

Lilyloo · 04/03/2009 12:50

I actually think her private life has no impact on her teaching and am shocked anyone would think so.

TBH playground gossip changes from day to day i can t imagine that the fact she had an affair x number of years ago is going to be the subject for the rest of her teaching career tbh! Bit like yesterdays newspaper.

My ds school has a couple of parents , ta's and now the headmaster who have children at the school. I personally find that reassuring that they think it is good enough to send their own children there.

Lilyloo · 04/03/2009 12:50

sorry dont know what happened there some tech glitch

Guadalupe · 04/03/2009 12:52

Gossiping about the teacher's private life is awful. I personally know a couple of teachers in dd's school quite well and it wouldn't occur to me to question their teaching or pass on information. They both have children in the school too.

Swipe left for the next trending thread