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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think that teachers shouldn't work in the same schools that their children attend?

49 replies

TheBFG · 04/03/2009 11:03

Let me just start by saying that this is nothing against teachers.

When my ds was at preschool there was another little girl who also went there whose mum had been a teacher before she had children. A whole group of us became friends and she became a part of our social circle, and also had lots of other friends among her other older child's parents.

When her dd started school she took a job as a TA at the school. However, a couple of years later, a teaching post became available at the school, she applied and was successful.

Now, because so many of the parents knew her personally before they knew she was a teacher, they know an awful lot about her private life that they wouldn't know about the other teachers iyswim, and she is the subject of much gossip in the playground. She is also hugely unpopular, as people know things about her private life, i.e. that she has had affairs for instance and this has clouded their judgement of her teaching methods.

I realize that obviously she can work where she wants, and that working in her children's school is probably the most convenient for her. But I can't help thinking that schools should perhaps think twice before recruiting someone who is seen as a parent first, and a teacher worthy of respect and with an influence over their children's education second.

It can't be nice for her knowing (and she must surely know, as everyone knows, iyswim), that she is essentially the gossip of the playground.

OP posts:

sunshinecity · 04/03/2009 13:07

YABU. How would you feel if none of the teachers wanted to send their dc to the school.

mumeeee · 04/03/2009 13:09

YABU. You should stop gossiping about her. Her private life has nothing to do with you or her ability to teach.

SoupDragon · 04/03/2009 13:15

This is the parents problem, not hers.

nomoreamover · 04/03/2009 13:37

just to reiterate others on here - what she does in her private life is no concern of the parents. The fact she has had affairs is irrelevant to her teaching ability and frankly if she gets blind drunk at the weekend and indulges in S&M with other consenting adults is also nothing to do with how well or otherwise she teaches.

Some real pillars of society I know have made very crap teachers..........

Sorrento · 04/03/2009 19:10

No I agree, not for any of the teachers private life gossiping nonsense just because the kids all go running to mummy all the bloody time at our school and mummy mets them with open arms even if they've been very naughty and caused mayhem.
It causes a lot of bad feeling at our school which could easily be avoided by not mixing business with home life.

SCOTMUMMY · 04/03/2009 19:30

I am a teacher and although my daughter is only 16 months old, i would have no qualms about her coming to the school I teach in. I would set the ground rules first so that in school I was only her mummy in an emergency and that I was a professional at work for the most part. My school does not allow parents to teach their own child so there would be no contact there. I know I sound cold and heartless but this works for other teachers in my secondary school.

Imagine how it feels when the doctor who had to repair your bungled episiotomy sits down in front of you at parents evening fr a chat about their child - that is a whole lot worse and something i can never get over!!!

TheOldestCat · 04/03/2009 19:42

My mum taught at my school for a bit. It was mostly fine, as she didn't teach me (except for once or twice as a supply teacher). But - horrifically - she did help out during games, which meant she was there when we had the mortifying sex education video and talk. The horror, the horror.

Anyway....to the OP - you are being unreasonable, I think. As long as her teaching is fine, that should be enough surely?

Gracie123 · 04/03/2009 21:58

I think it's funny that you don't trust her teaching because of what you know about her private life, but would happily send you kid to be taught by someone you know nothing about
DH is a teacher at a prep school (and we live in it) and we will send DS here when he's old enough (mostly because of the hefty staff discount) but also because I know the other staff and I'm comfortable with them looking after him. I hate the thought of someone I don't know looking after a 3/4 year old. If that was my only option I would probably home-school for the first few years.

piscesmoon · 04/03/2009 22:14

It is very convenient to teach in the same school, I have done it although not full time, and when they were young it was the only way that I could do it. It happens all the time-I think it is a sign that it is a good school. I would really worry if my DCs were at a school where the staff didn't think it was good enough for their own DCs.
As Gracie says, you generally know nothing about the private life of the teachers-the rest might be far worse!

FAQinglovely · 04/03/2009 22:16

what about TA's, and headteachers that people know of the private lives of from outside of the school??

Or teachers that you suddenly meet out on the p*ss at 2.30am on a Saturday morning with the headteachers 18yr old daughter with them

PeppermintPatty · 04/03/2009 22:23

YABU

When schools are recruiting a teacher they look for the best person for the job. And that's it.

Whether they have children in the school or not is irrelavant I should imagine.

MadBadandDangerousToKnow · 04/03/2009 22:29

The gossip problem is (as has already been said) the gossips' problem, not hers.

It is the potential for favouritism that bothers me. Two of my friends at primary school were children of teachers there. One played it down but the other, if anyone was even slightly mean to her in the playground, would go and knock on the classroom window and her mother would lean out of the window and tell the miscreant off. Nobody else had their own 'enforcer'!

FAQinglovely · 04/03/2009 22:34

oh what about one of your DC's godparents potential being the TA for them in years to come??

piscesmoon · 04/03/2009 22:35

I think that generally teachers work hard to treat them the same as anyone else. The children do the same-my DSs would never have involved me in a dispute.

twinsetandpearls · 04/03/2009 22:36

Have not read whole thread as I am baking for my sixth formers. My dd will hopefully going to the secondary school I teach in, lots of teachers who chidren of secondary age who I work with send their children to our school.

It is a sign that we know we are providing a very good education and have faith in our own service. We are all professional so as far as I know there is no favouritism , infact it may go the other way.

I treat the children of teachers exactly the same as any other child.

MadBadandDangerousToKnow · 04/03/2009 22:36

on the staff room window.

captainpeacock · 04/03/2009 22:57

I was close friends with somebody who eventually became a teacher at dcs school. She had originally been working elsewhere. I think it depends on the person involved. This particular person involved herself in her children's education and I heard from other pupils that her dcs played up and got away with it because their mum workded at the school. Her dds also got a lot of best parts in school plays which all parents went to see. When I asked her dh if he had enjoyed the very rare play that his dd hadn't had a lead role in he said that he wasn't interested in seeing other peoples children take centre stage. I kid you not, their whole thing was about what their children could get out of her working at the school.

Sorrento · 04/03/2009 23:06

Well yes Mad that's exactly what happens in our school and I was orely tempted to say to my DC's that if Mrs x and Mrs y tell you off ignore them completely and go and find another teacher and tell them what's happened so hopefully the other staff will get fed up of it and the head will hear of what goes on.
Tragically my kids just crumble when told off by anyone in authority so I'm in the heads office quite regularly being ignored whilst she protects one of her own.
It shouldn't be allowed if the teacher can't behave professionally.

stealthsquiggle · 04/03/2009 23:12

at teachers sticking up for their DC, right or wrong.

We always had it drummed into us that as "staff brats" a higher level of behaviour was expected of us.

I know 2 girls at DS's school who have been through their mother's class - they called her 'Mrs X' at school and she expected exactly the same from them as from others. DS certainly detects no difference between those of his friends who are children of staff and those who are not (and he eventually got over the fact that his now teacher was at our wedding because she is a friend of my DM ).

It's about professionalism.

MadBadandDangerousToKnow · 04/03/2009 23:17

I agree completely. It is about professionalism. There may be very valid reasons for parents and children being in the same school, but the sort of favouritism that my friend's mother displayed all those years ago, and captain peacock has seen more recently, is indefensible. I also hope it's rare.

duchesse · 04/03/2009 23:18

ime as a teacher, staff children have far higher expectations placed on them in terms of behaviour, and every tiny misdemeanour is reported straight to their parents!

However, my daughter's classmate is the daughter of two teachers at a different and does seem to receive a fair amount of preferential treatment from her parents' colleagues. I think it started as a protection mechanism when her mum was dangerously ill two years ago but they still haven't reverted. It does not make the poor child popular...

Rachmumoftwo · 04/03/2009 23:26

I wouldn't teach at my children's school as I feel it would be blurring the lines between my personal and professional life as well as being unfair on my children. DD's school will have TAs with children at the school, but they do not work in their children's classes.

littlebrownmouse · 06/03/2009 16:50

Mine go to the school I teach at (well, DS does, DD will next year). It works really well, I chat with the parents in the playground on the days I pick up, go to parents evening, comment in reading folder, leave class teacher to do her job. I have to say, its really tricky when for example DS is having bad dreams and not sleeping and I know that he's been in trouble at school but he doesn't know I know and any other parent wouldn't know so I have to pretend I don't know! My school has a long history of teachers, TA's, secretaries, caretaker etc sending their kids to the school, in fact I can't think of anyone who works here with kids who hasn't sent them to the school. Some have started at other schools but all have ended up with us eventually. Parents are used to it, staff are used to it, I'm sure that I'm gossipped about as are other staff and other parents, but would be very annoyed if anyone said I couldn't do my job properly because my kids are at the school. I am a professional and behave as one - private life at home, work life at work.

2rebecca · 06/03/2009 19:01

I have no interest in the private lives of my kids teachers. Whether they have had 1 spouse for 20 years or are on their 6th marriage or have a string of lovers really doesn't matter if their teaching is good and my kids like them.
A teaching job generally lasts for longer than a child is at school for. I don't see why she would be seen as a parent first and a teacher second. I think it's sad that her so called friends don't value her as a teacher.

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