To want to get another dog?

[SheSellsSeashellsByTheSeashore]

My dear little dog yesterday and the house seems so empty without her. I have spent the last two days just randomly bursting into tears because it is just so painfully obvious that she is not here.

Dd2 keeps calling her name and looks so forlorn when she does not come.

Dd1 has asked for another dog

But DH says no. There is no way he wants another dog within the next few years and thinks I am being unreasonable evenconsidering it.

I know that another dog is not going to stop me missing my old dog, or take the pan away. But it might mak the house seem less empty. And it would cheer up the dds who have yet more misery to come.

It would give us all something else to focus on instead of al the constant shittiness that is going on.

I feel like DH is being the unreasonable one. He doesn't want anoher dog, therefore we don't get another dog. It doesn't seem to matter what me and dd1 want. He has told me I am being selfish even considering it, when it's not what he wants.

Tell him the girls come first.

If he dissagrees then he's in for a shock isn't he?

I have told him that he needs to think about the dds but he justified this by saying that dd2 is too young to know what is going on and dd1 'won't be bothered'.

oh, i am so sorry for your loss. When we lost one of our dogs some time ago, we both swore that there would be no more dogs - too much heartbreak, and we justified it to ourselves that the house weould be cleaner, the garden would be ours again (our dog was huge) and we wouldnt be tied down. Two weeks later we were at battersea dogs home signing up to bring home a dog that was the spitting image of our old one!! He wasn't the same and he could have never replaced Tiny (10 stone rottie!) but he mended my broken heart! We lost that dog a couple of years ago and again, said - right, thats it, no more - you can only stand so much self inflicted heart break!! My Jack russel is asleep on the sofa although we did go a few MONTHS before my DP said to me - I have to get you a dog, you are not right without one!

So, now here is the thing - HE wants another big dog - he misses having a lumbering hound around the place, and if im honest, so do i. He actually bought a puppy home, but i had to make him return it as it was a bag of nerves and i coudlnt have a nervous dog around my DD (3.5). So, he said, right ok, no more dogs - but now he still wants a big dog and i don't. Its such a difficult situation. I am wanting to return to work in september - my jack can go around to my mums or be ok on his own if she comes and walks him. But a big dog would be too much. Too much work - the training itself is stressful, my rotties took a LOT of training as you can imagine and i just dont have the time, or the commitment now. BUT - what do you do?? He wants a dog, i don't. The dog will make him happy - i'll grow to love it (i guess). But then, im the one who will have to do the lions share of the work and i dont WANT another dog. Either way, one of you ends up being selfish, unless you can reach a compromise - um, so when you work it out - let me know .

I would honestly, leave it a few weeks, everyone copes with the loss of a pet differently and most people say they wont get another. IME as a vet nurse - they invariably DO get another dog. Its just a matter of when!

Maybe your DH just needs a bit of time.

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much better to direct that love in another dog's direction but obviously whole family need to be behind the idea, and your husband needs a bit longer/is coping differently with the loss

am really sorry about your dog though

I absolutely definately 100% think you should be talking about the DDs needing a dog, its a bit emotional blackmailly and likely to backfire - give him time, he'll get dog broody, dont worry.

Yanbu, so sorry to hear that your dog has passed away, give yourself a little time to adjust.

That said, my old boy is knocking on a bit, and dp has suggested that when he goes we should have a few 'dog free' years to give us some more freedom, I told him no fucking way, it's me and a dog or no me.

Have a family vote, it looks like he'll lose.

But why is it something that needs to be agreed upon? I wasn't consulted when he got Setanta Sports on a whim. Or new trainers. Or took nephew to Manchester for the weekend. Not that I would have stopped any of these things, but just making the point that I don't stop him doing/buying what he wants.

He says he wants nothing to do with another dog, which is fine. He didn't have much to do with the last one either. She was my dog, I had her when we met. He became attatched to her, of course he did. But I was the one who fed her, walked her, bathed her, paid for her etc.

Why is what I want never considered? Why would it be so unreasonable to go out and get one anyway?

Under the circumstances, I do understand you wanting a new dog.

I also understand your DH being reluctant at this moment.

You are going through a very difficult and emotional time. Adding a new dog into that mix will be hard. Our puppy is 5 months old and although she is lovely has been work, getting up at nights to take her out, getting her trained to use the garden, cleaning poo and wee from the floors.

You need to sit down and talk with your DH. Perhaps you could agree to wait a couple of months and then decide to look for a puppy. That way it is summer so at least you are not standing outside in your nightie in the snow like I was a couple of weeks ago.

it is entirely natural to want a dog, even if your's is only gone a day, i am planning the same myself and mine is still around.
cna you use your feminine wiles to get around him,

Another that thinks YANBU here.

Sorry you lost our dog-I read your other thread.

I would want another dog in your shoes too; I know just how empty a place seems when you are used to having one around. Of course it will not replace the one you have lost, but it will be a whole new relationship for yor DDs to have. They get some much our of it-why does he want to deny them the experience of having one?

A new dog is very different to Setana sports though.

We love our dog, even DH who was a bit reluctant at first. But she does restrict us a bit, we have to think about where to leave her if we are goign out for a whole day somewhere she cannot go. We have sometimes been out and have had to go home earlier than we would have liked as the dog was home alone.

You are talking committing yourself to a pet for 10 or more years. I know that you realise that already but perhaps he would like to be less tied.

When the dog I grew up with died, we managed 3 days - of moping round the house and bursting into tears at odd times - then Mum and I were on the phone to all of the local rescue places - we went to the only one that had something that sounded feasible, and picked her up and brought her home - the following day (Christmas eve) we spent time at the vets - and again on Boxing day - but at least the big void wasn't there. Bess wasn't ever a replacement for Polly (although some people mistook them ).

She also desperately needed us, having been very badly treated. She was a rather peculiar dog to look at when we picked her up - emaciated, and rather short legs for the length of body, with a huge thick tail (often the only thing you could catch her with ) It wasn't until about 6 weeks later that we realised she was actually a collie cross, but had been crouching all of the time because she'd been beaten up so much.

Use dd - the weekend will be a good time to work on dh.

Please don't get one anyway! please dont.

My DP did this, it caused us alot of heart ache, we had to send the dog back and lost our money, ended up rowing over it. I didn't immediately say to send it back but im glad we did. It wasn't the right dog for us and he was an arse and got it on a whim - i posted on here about it and got a resounding YANBU about it. A dog does NOT equate to setanta sports, new trainers etc. A dog equates to hard work, and long term financial commitment. A dog is a BIG part of the family - if you go out and get a dog despite your partners misgivings, he wont be able to bond with it - that was my worry when DP bought the puppy home, i immediately couldnt take to the dog because i associated it with my DP being totally inconsiderate and disrespecting me. It is slightly different for you as you will be doing all the work and the complication for us was that DP went out and bought a totally unsuitable dog for us.

I second waiting til the summer - your post has actually done something!!! I think i need a puppy!! So am just about to text DP and tell him so - i think it will give him a big smile!!

But do please just give it time, give yourself time to grieve too.

My dog was put down in July after being with us for 13 years. I said at the time that I can't get another dog, too much heartbreak.

A few months after he was put down, I really wanted another dog but DH said no. I feel I came to my senses and now also feel that its not right to get another dog.

I do love dogs, but I just can't put myself through that heartache again, even if it won't be for another 13 or so years.

Lol Reality, straight talking is your forte.

MmmeLindt, providing that my dog was socialised and trained there would be no problem as to where to leave him/her as my mum and dad love dogs and have two of their own. They always look after my pets if I go away and return the favour by ensuring there ever growing menagerie of pets is well cared for when they go away.

Walking would be no problem either as dd1 walks to school through a park and it would be no extra hassle to take the dog along with us.

I don't know of he would ever get another dog, I can't help thinking that he trying to delay untill we are in his house and then it will be "You are not bringing a new puppy into my recently decorated house" Plus he never really grew up with pets, but I otoh was constantly surrounded by pets and rescued wildlife. He was warned by my father not long after he met me that if he wanted a pet free home, he was with the wrong person.

Seashells - when my former boss's(friend now as we keep in touch!) dog died, he was adamant he didn't want another one. However his wife felt differently and she managed to talk him around when she heard through some friends about some abandoned puppies that had been found.
He wasn't happy but she went ahead and gave a home to one of the pups. 6 years on, my former boss is always complaining about the dog..

but I know darn well he loves him to bits really

I think you should do it. (And get a rescue dog!!)

Shesells... another thing to consider is that when your dog wasn't well, he still wanted to put her outside in her kennel, even though you didn't want to, as he was fed up of the wee/poo in the kitchen (even though you clean it up) [I did say he was being horrible!!]. Just because he accepted that being with you meant that he got your dog as well, doesn't mean he thinks you should get another, after all, it is a big responsibility, you both live in the house etc etc.

I am really, really sorry for you that he feels this way, but I honestly don't feel it's fair to ignore how he feels about it.

I do see your point about the other things and I think if there are things you aren't happy about you need to talk about it, not just get into 'well, you do as you please and I'll do as I please' - this isn't good for a relationship.

I think you should leave it a while and if in a month or two you still really, really want another dog, then talk about it again.

Maybe to be fair to him, he just doesn't want to see you going through this again?

His reason for not getting another dog now are my reasons for wanting one now. It's not to stop me going through this again as I'll have to go through it when my much loved parents dog dies, he is in ill health atm and when my cat goes.

He says he doesn't want one because of the financial commitment, but I have recently started working so we have more free cas now than we did a few months ago. I am confident I can afford to keep a dog.

Also because he thinks we have enough on our plate with nephew being ill. I think a new dog would be a welcome distration for all of us, inc him.

And we are moving soon, so he thinks we should at least wait untill we move, as I said I think this is just a tatic to delay untill we move. But say it's not, where is the sense in puppy training in a newly decorated house. Why not here where we have new carpets to put down anyway?

I don't think getting one anyway would cause him to not bond with the dog. He 'hated' the rabbit that I got without asking him. This was the very same rabbit that spent most evenings on DH's lap. He apparently is not fond of my cat either, yet most people I meet seem to think the cat is his.

So sorry about your dog.

I understand why you want another dog, but I think you have to respect your dh's feelings. He may need time to grieve.

It was the other way round here. I had to have one of my dogs put down 2 and a bit years ago. Dh was all for getting a replacement straight away (fill the void etc) but I couldn't do it. Only now do I feel ready to think about it.

sorry to go against the grain i don't think tabu to want another dog, but if you try and force another dog upon your husband yabu. it is something you both have to agree on as you will both have to live with it.
and i think it's pretty underhanded to use your daughters as emotional blackmail.
like you im a dog lover and when mine died i got another within weeks. but if my oh had objected then i simply could not have gotten one as she has to live with it too.