To want to get another dog?

[SheSellsSeashellsByTheSeashore]

My dear little dog yesterday and the house seems so empty without her. I have spent the last two days just randomly bursting into tears because it is just so painfully obvious that she is not here.

Dd2 keeps calling her name and looks so forlorn when she does not come.

Dd1 has asked for another dog

But DH says no. There is no way he wants another dog within the next few years and thinks I am being unreasonable evenconsidering it.

I know that another dog is not going to stop me missing my old dog, or take the pan away. But it might mak the house seem less empty. And it would cheer up the dds who have yet more misery to come.

It would give us all something else to focus on instead of al the constant shittiness that is going on.

I feel like DH is being the unreasonable one. He doesn't want anoher dog, therefore we don't get another dog. It doesn't seem to matter what me and dd1 want. He has told me I am being selfish even considering it, when it's not what he wants.

I think that the move is a very good reason to get a dog now rather than later - as you say - carpets. I know that the end is heartache - but we wouldn't do it if the rest of the time didn't make up for that 10 times over would we?

I think you should wait.it's too soon after your loss.
I lost my dog of 14 last week.
We are all heartbroken.
I am still clearing things of hers away.
I cry every day about her.
I need time to grieve before I can even think about taking on another one.
Why don't you give yourself a month and see how things are?
I don't think your dh is being unreasonable,a dog affects the whole household and the decision needs to be with both of you.

But ggirl, the descion is not with us it's with him.

He is refusing to even consider what me and dd1 want. He won't even listen to what I have to say on the matter. He just starts getting annoyed and tells me how selfish I am and that if dd1 wants another pet she can get a goldfish

Last time I checked you couldn't take your goldfish to the park to play with your friends dog.

So, you want a dog so you should get a dog?
how does that work then?
So your DH is wrong because he doesn't want one?

It's about compromise surely.

I think you are being very immature and petulant. Why do you think you have a right to foist a dog on someone that doesn't like them just because you do?

Find an animal that is acceptable to ALL of you and get that.

You are part of a partnership and should starting thinking and acting as if you are.

kittywise I am willing to compromise on the timeframe. I am not saying we have to go out and get another dog now. I am willing to ompromise on the breed of the dog, though while chocolate labs are adorable to look at I will always remain firmly held onto the idea that it would be boody stupid to get one in a two up two down terraced house as there is no space for a dog that size.

Plus I had my dog/cats when he met me. He knew from the start that I loved animals and would always have pets esp dogs. If he didn't like that he should have said so at the start of the relationship.

I have always said I would get another dog, he has known that from the start.

No other pet would be agreed upon. He does not like animals. We shouldn't have them. End of. Despite knowing when he met me that had lived with pets all my life and intended on bringing up dd1 that way.

Why is it fair that he suddenly gets to say no? It's not like after never showing interest in pets I have suddenly decided to fill our house with wild animals.

I probably am being childish and petulant. But that is how I feel. Everything is always done his way or no way at all. He didn't want another rabbit, we didn't get another rabbit. He didn't want a guinea pig, we didn't get a guinea pig. He didn't want a budgie, we didn't get a budgie. He didn't want rats/mice, we didn't get rats/mice.

All of these things dd1 has asked for and I would have liked esp the rats, but I never pushed him on it and I never went out and got them anyway. It was hardly discussed. His answer was no. That was it.

I don't see the compromise there.

shesells, why is you get to say YEs then/

can't you see that it is not fair?

Just because you want one it does NOT mean that you should have one.

So, you liked dogs when he met you and he has put up with these animals for a long time, well done him.

Now he was prepared to put up with the dogs but you are not prepared to forgo a dog?

How is that alright.

You are not considering his needs, all you are doing is stamping you feet and shouting
"I want a dog and if you don't say yes then I'm going to make your life hell"

He has a perfect right not to want a dog. Why should he? It does not make him a bad person because he won't let you have what you want. It is not your God given right to have a dog.

I like most animals my dp does not. Now I gave up having cats when we got together, I would love a cat. He does not like them so we don't have a cat.
It's called respecting my partner.

It's a crazy, why should he have to live with something he doesn't like just because I want to have it.

Try reversing the tables seeshells.

You really need to stop thinking about your own needs and desires and think about yourself as part of a relationship.

Yes but Kitty you are not getting my point. Why should i have to forego on having a dog? Why shouldn't have to be the one to 'put up with havig one'?

Oh and btw he did not just 'put up' with having them. He made out that he liked animals. And he did grow to love the dog. Not sure abot how he feels about the cat, but the dog he loved.

Had I known from the start of our relationship that he did not want pets then would have walked away knowing that I could never be happy in a house without pets. He did know from the start that I loved animals and would always have pets. He never told me that is not what he wanted.

I am aware that I have no 'god given right' to have a dog. Niether does he have a god given right to tell me, after knowing that I have dogs all my life and fully intended to continue keeping them for as long as I am physically able, that I now cannot do this.

Like Reality has said I have given up a lot for him is it so selfish of me to not want to give up this too?

YANBU - just get another dog and present it to him as a fait accompli. I would.

Ok, reading what Reality has written, I realise that this is not actually about a dog. The dog is the one thing that you are unwilling to compromise on. Everything else, you go by what he wants. Is that right?

Shesells - I think that the other thing people overlook is the fact that having a dog is a way of life. From what I understand and have experienced of cats, they are something that share some time with you and will sometimes sit on a lap and be stroked etc. But they don't get you out for a walk, probably twice a day, whatever the weather. Dogs are even a great social aid - its so much easier to have a conversation with someone else out walking if you have a dog with you.

I think that if you made it clear that you would always have a dog you are certainly not being unreasonable - and you have already demonstrated your willingness to compromise by not having another rabbit, guinea pigs or rats. Its his turn to compromise now.

(My dh bought a sports car without reference to me - with far less justification imo. I was quite sanguine about it)

That's about the jist of it yes MmmeLindt 'cept it is the dog, the cats and dd1's activities. Previous to this he has never dared to do anything but whine about it. He has never outright put his foot down and said "Get rid of the dog/cats" because he knows I would never forgive him. I think this is his chance to dwindle down the number of pets we have untill we have none.

By waiting 'a few years' he think I will forget about it. I can't live in a house without a dog. I never have done and I am not prepared to do so now. He knew that when he met me. And he will have to accept it now.

I think we will have a family vote. That is not being selfish. It is deciding as a family what should be done. I have a feeling I know who will lose this vote.

"But ggirl, the descion is not with us it's with him."
well that's only because there's no such thing as having half a dog.so compromise is almost impossible in this situation.you say your willing to compromise on the time frame, but once again that's not a compromise, that's you saying i'm getting my way i'll just let you have a little break before i do it.
you talk constantly about him knowing you loved animals from the start, but it's quite clear you knew he didn't like them as well.

you're bringing up a lot of other issues now as well which are clearly linked to greater problems. and if you asked me about all of them individually or collectively i would resoundingly tell you that he was being unreasonable and unfair. but you asked us to address the dog issue and on that issue alone i feel yabu to your husband and the dog.
but as i said, there seem to be bigger issues that you think he's being selfish and unreasonable about, and those should be addressed seperately.

I'm a bad bad person - I would just go out and get one anyway......

"I think we will have a family vote. That is not being selfish. It is deciding as a family what should be done. I have a feeling I know who will lose this vote."

it's not really though because your kids surely can't hold an equal vote, they're too young. if he said to them we should take all our savings and spend it on candy floss, magic beans and a trip to eurodisney, under your system they'd agree and you'd be outvoted.thus spending all your savings on something you don't want simply because he managed to get the kids on side.
i'm being facetious obviously but only to point out that this has to be a decision between you two as the heads of the family.

No mayorquimby, he always showed affection for my pets, it was one of the things that attracted me to him in the first place. The way that he put my normally nervy dog at ease.

He only changed his tune about this after he had moved himself into my home

nomoreover, that is what I have decided to do.

Thanks to kittywise. No I have no god given right to have a dog anymore than he has no god given right to immediately dismiss getting one without discussion.

We didn't get all the other pets. He 'won' on that score. But I am not backing down on this one.

It seems to me that he is not the man for you.

Neither of you seem able to sit down and discuss things.

So you need to talk to him about the person you are and your needs and he needs to do the same. Without anger, without blame

Then you both need to talk about how compromise can be acheived and also look at areas where neither of you is prepared to compromise

Then you need to decide, both of you, whether you can continue a relationship where either one or both of you cannot compromise on key issues and therefore misery and disharmony is created.

I agree that it isn't really about the dog

I think YABU, If I had tolerated and cared for a dog for several years because my husband already owned it when we met, and now was looking forward to some dog free years and not being tied down by owning a dog, I would not be very impressed if he bought another dog when I had clearly said I didn't want one. I think there is a difference between not having some thing you want , and forcing someone to share their home with something they don't want to take on, be that a dog or a baby. I would not hold out much hpoe for my marriage lasting a year longer if my husband showed so little concern for my feelings.

not it's not.

If you are unhappy with him, which it seems you are, do you think issues can be resolved?

If not then move on.

I agree with reality - life really shouldn't be that hard.....

I agree with Reality too. But we are going through so much atm. I cannot end the relationship.

I think the issues could be resolved yes. But right now we have enough to deal with.