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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it's ok to breastfeed a newborn in the library?

118 replies

thisismynewname · 02/03/2009 19:38

DS (8 weeks) feeds A LOT. His sister was the same - none of this feeding for 20 mins then three hours gaps nonsense, more like feed for three ours with 20 min gaps.

DD (2) needs to be doing something other than being stuck in the house with me feeding or bored at the same toddler group feeding.

So...we went to the library today. There is a big sign on the door saying 'breastfeeding mothers welcome' and we only went in the children's library. They have loads of cushions on the floor (shaped like widgey cusions) and as there was hardly anyone in there no one was using them. So, I used one to prop up DS while I fed him and DD pottered around with the books.

I was reading quietly to DD when a snotty faced -ancient- middle-aged librarian came over and told me that 1) we were making too much noise and 2) the cushions were for the children to sit on, not for feeding babies.

I got the distinct impression it was my breasts she actually didn't like, but obviously couldn't say so, despite the fact that I am the queen of discreet feeding.

WAS IBU for being made to feel unwelcome and discriminated against by this woman?

OP posts:
nickytwotimes · 02/03/2009 20:29

Desi, newname has said several times that she waan't sitting on the cushions, let alone reclining on them.

CompareTheMeerkat · 02/03/2009 20:30

Haven't yet read thread but wanted to say that when DS was small, a librarian did a talk at a baby group I went to and said that we were all very much encouraged to feed our babies however we wanted, whether that was breast or bottle feeding.

I used to love breastfeeding DS in there - I would read magazines while he guzzled away . Never had any complaints, nor did I when I breastfed DD a couple of years later.

DebiTheScot · 02/03/2009 20:32

Don't get what you mean there desi

The cushion thing isn't really the issue anyway

compo · 02/03/2009 20:34

definitely complain
whereabouts do you live
we have rymetime in our libraries for babies from birth onwards and everyone is breastfeeding

harpsichordcarrier · 02/03/2009 20:34

it was the baby on the cushion, not the mother.
if anyone, man woman or child, goes at the sight of a baby being fed, then they need to get a grip tbh.

DorisIsAPinkDragon · 02/03/2009 20:36

I think this definitely warrants a complaint, the sign was on the door and you were made to feel unwelcome.

A copy to the head libraian and the local area libraian ( just in case she is the head honcho).

I wouldn't normally comlain but if you felt bad, what could reaction like that do to a first time mum who may be building confidence feeding in public.

The more I think about it the more it irritates me!!!!

peanutbutterkid · 02/03/2009 20:36

You SO ANBU!! I have breastfed in many children's libraries (different parts of the country), often while reading to a little one (if not herding several noisy small ones about).

I've never had a negative reception from staff (or anybody, really), NEVER.

Desiderata · 02/03/2009 20:37

What I meant by that remark, debi, is that it's unlikely that a British child in the 21st century would scream out of hunger.

There is the bottle option, or had you forgotten?

My personal opinion is that breastfeeding mothers should chose their venues.

Naturally, if a library says that breastfeeding mothers are welcome, than they should abide by it. In this instance, I agree with the OP's stance.

My library doesn't welcome breast-feeding mothers, and I'm cool with that.

I see no reason the milk can't be expressed in a bottle and fed there.

DorisIsAPinkDragon · 02/03/2009 20:38

And thoroughly agree the fact that breastfeeding is makes some go is a sign of just how far there is to go before it is a completely normal and natural thing (again)

Meglet · 02/03/2009 20:39

YANBU. Bollocks to her. Definately a snotty letter situation!

nickytwotimes · 02/03/2009 20:39

Dear Lord, Desi, almost all newborns will scream with hunger.

Breasts are there to feed babies. Bottles are a substitute for those that can't or don't want to, not to save the blushes of outsiders.

llareggub · 02/03/2009 20:40

Desi, really? How sad you feel that way.

Why can't breastfeeding mothers feed wherever bottlefeeding mothers choose to feed? Lots of breastfed babies never have bottles, and why should they? Breasts do a perfectly fine job.

I've breastfed everywhere and have never encountered any challenge from anyone. Perhaps small-minded individuals are few and far between, thankfully.

DorisIsAPinkDragon · 02/03/2009 20:41

Desi- dd1 would not accept any milk from a bottle (and especially not from me). So no not always another option.

And i disgree with your choosing venues not necessary, anywhere that is suitable for the bottle is suitable for the breast.

TheProvincialLady · 02/03/2009 20:41

"I see no reason the milk can't be expressed in a bottle and fed there."

Desi, I see no reason why anyone should gp through that palava just to satisfy the uptinght sensibilities of an eight year old. Surely you don't either? Not to mention the fact that many BF babies won't take a bottle, or that in some cases it could undermine BF.

Tangle · 02/03/2009 20:41

YANBU at all - worth writing if you've the time/energy.

Desiderata - in principle, yes bottles are an alternative. In practice, not all children will take them no matter how hard you try - my DD being one. And at 8 weeks she would have been screaming in hunger.

PerArduaAdNauseum · 02/03/2009 20:42
  • Desi - you think it's unlikely that an 8wo baby would scream out of hunger?

And you're recommending expressing and bottle feeding to save other people's feelings?

Are you for real?

MillyR · 02/03/2009 20:43

I've been really suprised at MN threads on breastfeeding. I breastfed both of mine; the first one for 18 months and the second one for 25 months. I fed both of mine in public, and I never made any attempt to be discreet or choose my venue. I never realised that anyone really cared about how visible my breasts were or where I fed a baby. I never noticed any funny remarks or looks.

I have breastfed wherever I happened to be, including on the ride at the Jorvik Viking Centre. I can't imagine why anyone else should care what I do.

I'm squeamish about people wearing big earrings that drag on the lobe, but I can't ban them from going to library or anywhere else. Why should people care about me breastfeeding? I am genuinely perplexed.

chequersmate · 02/03/2009 20:43

Desi, you can come round and express for me when I have my next baby seeing as it's so simple.

TheProvincialLady · 02/03/2009 20:43

Sorry for typos, am currently revolting the cat by BF DS2 in my own sitting room

PerArduaAdNauseum · 02/03/2009 20:45

TPL - I'm reporting you to the RSPCA!

Desiderata · 02/03/2009 20:45

Oooh, how predictable

spicemonster · 02/03/2009 20:46

ooh desi being contravershul again. How predictable

NeedCoffee · 02/03/2009 20:48

yanbu-and surely, since ds was on one of the cishions, then he was actually using it, and he is a child..no brainer really. What a stupid woman, i can understand your reluctance to complain though, its hard to explain exactly what you feel she has done wrong.

chequersmate · 02/03/2009 20:48

Desi you make me laugh.

You're the one who doesn't believe that passive smoking causes any damage, aren't you?

Incredible that passive smoking is safe but seeing somebody else's breasts can scar you for life.

Desiderata · 02/03/2009 20:49

Nope! I've always held the same views about breast feeding in public.

I've never changed my name, or tried to hide my own sensibilties.

I'm uncomfortable when women get their norks out in public. My husband is far more understanding than me, btw. He thinks it's cool, and he thinks I'm a cunt.

Which I am, of course.