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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think it should be up to dd whether she wants to wear underwear at night?

70 replies

emkana · 01/03/2009 19:41

dd1 went away over the weekend with a group. She was told by the leader of the group that she had to take her underwear off at night and just wear her pyjamas, even though that's not what she's used to doing at home. aibu to think that it should be up to dd?

(btw I am not going to complain )

OP posts:
pooka · 01/03/2009 20:41

I'd never wear underwear under pyjamas or nighties (unless using sanitary towel post-natally).

Never realised that some people do until saw a thread ages ago.

I do think that it is a good idea to "air" ones creases for some of the day/night.

But as to whether the group leader was BU, not sure really. I can see that she might have same bee in bonnet as my mother/grandmother/(me). Probably unreasonable to try and suggest that knicker wearing under PJs wrong. But a lot depends on tone I think - how it was said IYSWIM.

DumbledoresGirl · 01/03/2009 20:41

Do we definitely know that she did insist on the removal of the undies though?

Maybe she is like me, not an undie wearer at night, and she saw emkana's dd putting on her pjs with her undies still on and thought she had forgotten they were on and so said "Don't forget to take off your undies emkana's dd!" and emkana's dd, understandably, thought that meant she had to take them off. How is that for a scenario?

onepieceofcremeegg · 01/03/2009 20:45

I think that DdG post of 20.41 is quite likely what happened.

Wrt to pants on under pj bottoms I do wear mine. I change my pants at least daily, and pj bottoms I wear for a few days. My "bits" can breathe more easily through a pair of cotton pants than some of yours could do through non-natural fibres. I hope you are all wearing 100% cotton bottoms

fwiw I wouldn't wear thongs/nylon pants etc under my pjs, but I do wear fairly sensible cotton pants. sorry if tmi!

silverfrog · 01/03/2009 20:47

thanks all for info re: metals.

only wondered as have had to insist on keeping jewellery on beofre, as had nowhere to put it, and the chances of it still being there whn I cam round form the op were nil ,so was idly wondering what kind of risk I'd had...

hygiene ones I can cope with.

MillyR · 01/03/2009 20:54

I have just come back from a group weekend away; the girls do keep underwear on, but this is because many are in nighties or light coloured pjyamas and end up having midnight feasts, running in and out of each other's rooms, going downstairs for drinks of water etc. So the situation is a bit different that putting on nightclothes and going straight to bed in your own home.

Sassybeast · 01/03/2009 20:54

Silverfog - and if they don't take responsibility for it, you can't sue em if it's lost Also,in some ops, you have aheated pad underneath you (long surgery etc) so no metal means less risk of burns from that.

Littlelamb - PMSL at your hottie surgeon

fluffles · 01/03/2009 21:02

i've worked on kids summer camps in teh UK and US and i have found that many children of that age will not change their underwear unless told to. Perhaps they don't like getting changed in shared dorms? i don't know, but i do know that i have struggled to ensure that kids change their underwear. maybe it doesn't matter for a weekend but for a week it's pretty gross and i'm sure that parents wouldn't be happy if their kids came home all icky having not washed or changed their pants for a week.

differentID · 01/03/2009 21:07

I always wear underwear at night- have done since I was a small girl.

CrackerNut · 01/03/2009 21:10

I have always told my dc to remove underwear at night to let air get to their bits

If your dd usualy wears hers though then yanbu to be annoyed that she was made to remove them.

fluffles · 01/03/2009 21:21

If your daughter was away with a 'group' run by volunteer leaders who are in effect acting for free in loco parentis and have to deal with sensitive issues such as washing and hygine and clothing (not to mention health and betwetting incidents) then YABVU to be annoyed with said leader for doing what she belived best in the situation. In fact YABU even if the leaders are paid.

Was your daughter even upset by this? If she was you can bring it up gently for future reference (e.g. 'DD usually wears pants to bed, it's a bit confusing if she can't do this on the trip too') but FGS have a bit of patience with the leaders doing a hard job with a bunch of kids who all have their own ways when it comes to eating, washing, sleeping and yet are too young to be left entirely to their own devices.

Original poster
emkana · 01/03/2009 21:23

er... I think you will find that I did say I was grateful to the leaders for their efforts and that I was not going to say anything, so don't get your knickers in twist

OP posts:
Original poster
emkana · 01/03/2009 21:24

dd not upset but bemused because she explained to leader that this is what she does at home - put clean knickers on at night under pj's, but leader still insisted.

OP posts:
ladymariner · 01/03/2009 21:26

Well, what a debate....knickers or no-knickers

NeedCoffee · 01/03/2009 21:30

yanbu but then because i tell dd1 to take her pants off at night to let her get some 'air and i worry she'll get sore, i may have said it if i was in charge of a group of girls too, it probably wouldn't occur to me not to tbh.

Dillydaydreamer · 01/03/2009 21:46

YANBU, but I have to say that it is more healthy not to wear them (tight fitting) especially after puberty.

maryz · 01/03/2009 21:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

piscesmoon · 01/03/2009 21:56

I am surprised that they bothered to tell them what to do when away, but I would never wear underwear in bed.

2rebecca · 01/03/2009 22:22

Why would anyone who doesn't have incontinence problems want/choose to wear pants under pyjamas or nighties? Very strange. Is this coming from women who went to convent schools or something? I agree that if you are leader of a group then you shouldn't be telling other peoples children what to wear at night, but if my kids started putting underwear on under their night stuff they'd be told to stop being silly. Men/ boys need to keep their testicles cool for optimal sperm production and female genitalia does benefit from the extra air circulation re less vaginal and vulval infections. It also seems to be teaching your kids weird prudish habits

Original poster
emkana · 01/03/2009 23:10

Isn't it a case of each to their own though? I can't really see that this "airing" argument is based on scientific research.

OP posts:
Original poster
emkana · 01/03/2009 23:15

medical advice

OP posts:
MrsPurple · 01/03/2009 23:42

2rebecca being ex convent girl (and I none knicker wearer at night), I've always told my DD's not to wear knickers at night (in fact DD2 is on second night of no nappies).

They do ask why they're cousins wear knickers at night? Which I do find a bit strange, as I also beieve it allows air circulation.

Have read link from emkana and it is possibly right that it is personal preference.

I agree you may have found it odd that the leader told DD to take knickers off, but she was IMO probably following her natural instinct (and at age 7 your DD may have said that's what we do at home, but I've had ten year old say that, and it hasn't been true).

So IMO the leader was probably doing what she felt best, and meant nothing by it.

CherryChoc · 02/03/2009 00:16

I used to wear knickers under my pyjamas when I was little, and remember one day being told I was now old enough to wear PJs without knickers, if I wanted to. I was probably about 6 or 7? I don't know why I wore them before then though, maybe I should ask my mum. At a guess it would have been a transition from pull ups to pants, if they had pull-ups then.

I don't like wearing anything down there at night, I find I get sweaty. (Sorry if TMI)

willowthewispa · 02/03/2009 00:20

I remember being a bit when told I had to keep my knickers on under pyjamas while away at a Brownie camp, as wore no knickers at home.

However now, sometimes I do, sometimes I don't.

herbietea · 02/03/2009 00:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

kitkatqueen · 02/03/2009 00:38

I always wear knickers at night - the main reason for wearing knickers in the daytime ( as far as I was aware) is because the seam on a pair of trousers is not flat and can cause discomfort to ladies bottoms and in a skirt it would be a bit drafty You get the same problem with pyjama bottoms - the seam can cut into your vulva if you are for example sitting up in bed and then slide down into a laying position. (frontal wedgy??? )

sorry if TMI but this has happened to me not long after I had my 1st baby and put me off no knickers for life when wearing jimjams. Don't even like to think about it tbh.

So I don't make my girls do either - their bits, their choice.( as long as they are clean!!)

Oh dear - a double blush