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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be angry at work colleague who opened an envelope addressed to me and had CONFIDENTIAL written on the envelope?

133 replies

johnbarrowmanlovesme · 28/02/2009 22:58

She knew it contained my recent job appraisal, which (she must have suspected!) did contain quite a few complaints about her! I wasn't in work the day the Secretary handed out the envelopes so she (my supervisor) was handed mine & asked to pass it on to me the following day.

Anyway,to cut a long story short, she handed me the envelope which for various reasons I suspected had been tampered with so I went to see the Secretary who was shocked that it wasn't her writing on the envelope
This person had taken the envelope home, opened it, read it then put it in a new envelope & tried to copy the original handwriting, I would never know
DH thinks this is a sackable offence, what do you think?

OP posts:
edam · 09/03/2009 17:48

agree with everyone who says you don't have to give up because the head happens to be weak on this issue.

Ellie's right, go and talk to HR yourself. And work out what YOU think would be the right way to solve this, then be assertive about it. If anyone tries to bluster, repeat your point until they address it.

Original poster
johnbarrowmanlovesme · 10/03/2009 00:11

Thanks everyone, lots of good points made there, makes me more determined to see this whole thing through.

Something the Head keeps saying is that we have no proof that she read it & without any proof we can't really do anything about it, just going forward, write down any issues that I feel are relevant & then, if & when the time comes, there will be a case against her.

There is no HR at where I work but I am going to find out name & number of person the head has spoken to & speak to them myself to try & get a better picture of where I stand.

OP posts:
CarGirl · 10/03/2009 09:57

Surely the point is that she opened it, it's immaterial whether she read it or not. She knew what was in the envelope. If she had really spelt a drink on it surely she would have pegged it out to dry and told the secretary that another one needed typing out.

ShinyPinkShoes · 10/03/2009 10:09

I believe it is the opening of someone else's mail that is illegal.

Have you called ACAS?
They are very helpful

ShinyPinkShoes · 10/03/2009 10:09

Oops-I meant to say...and not just the reading of it!

Original poster
johnbarrowmanlovesme · 10/03/2009 10:51

Who are ACAS?

OP posts:
ShinyPinkShoes · 10/03/2009 10:58

Acas are a free service for emplyees to get advice and support. Their advice line is great

ShinyPinkShoes · 10/03/2009 10:58

employees

2 days off work and my spelling has gone to pot!

Pannacotta · 10/03/2009 11:21

Having read all the advice on here I really think you should take it further.
She sounds quite deluded/deranged.

I had an assistant at work once who was really awful at her job, dishonest and unpleasant too. I was told to hold off a grievance procudure and coudl only give a verbal warning, but she still got pissed off, got another job and when she left she accused me of bullying which went on my record.
so I think I would say if you have these doubts about her honesty/integrity, go for the grievance procedure and keep full records in your diary of her behaviour.

I don't buy her story about the envelope at all.

Original poster
johnbarrowmanlovesme · 10/03/2009 14:38

Thanks everyone. I have been trying to get through to ACAS but still engaged at the moment

OP posts:
CarGirl · 10/03/2009 14:44

ACAS is always very busy just perservere (sp?)

TheYearOfTheCat · 10/03/2009 20:20

There may be no proof that she read the appraisal, but there is proof that she tampered with the envelope, and has changed her story several times.

I find the whole HR set up very intriguing - do you not have an HR manager?

Also, why is the Head seeking the advice of a barrister for what is a fairly straightforward discipline issue? And why is she seeking advice from a barrister friend rather than through official channels?

Original poster
johnbarrowmanlovesme · 12/03/2009 14:04

No HR Manager at School, she spoke to someone at the County Council.

Good question re the barrister friend Cat I think it's just been brushed under the carpet now, over & done with.

I went to work today (I only work Thurs & Fri) I witchy poo had to tell me yet again that there were brown stains on some folders that were on her desk, after her little 'mishap' with the hot chocolate she said.

Even though I'm not happy with the way this whole thing has been handled, I think it's a no win situation for me. The school obviously don't want the hassle of having to deal with it so I have decided not to go ahead with the Grievance Procedure.

I have seen a job advertised for the same hours as what I do now but not at our School where my DC go (which is where I work at the moment) so not as convenient for me but nothing is going to change where I am so no option really

Prob won't get it so am there for now until I can find something else.

OP posts:
Blondeshavemorefun · 12/03/2009 15:00

The school obviously don't want the hassle of having to deal with it so I have decided not to go ahead with the Grievance Procedure

oh no you CANT let it go

but new job sounds good - hope you get it

Clayhead · 12/03/2009 17:35

Often people don't want the hassle of having to deal with these things but sometimes they have to be dealt with. Raising a Grievance is just a matter of writing a letter which then kicks off a formal procedure.

Sorry you feel so down about it. Did you get through to ACAS? They really are helpful and know their stuff.

Nabster · 12/03/2009 17:42

2 wrongs and one right.

You have to stand up to this woman. And the Head. They sound awful.

Lillabet · 12/03/2009 18:13

Please do not give in to this woman! If you stand up to a bully it will get sorted out. Start a grievance procedure by writing a letter detailing your grievance to the head and cc the entire board of governors in on it - if nothing else to make the head aware that you are serious and you WILL NOT be fobbed off!! Clearly state that your grievance is to do with bullying and harassment and they MUST treat it in a confidential manner!
Please, please do not just give up, people like this woman can destroy morale (even in very strong willed/minded people) and it can affect others entire working lives! Bullying between children is, I presume, not tolerated at the school you work at so it should not be tolerated between the staff either!

hotbot · 12/03/2009 19:18

i also feel the head in this case, if she wont support/fobs you off re: a grievance should at the very least sit you both down together and explain the seriousness of her actions, and how lucky she is that you generously decided not to take it further. perhaps you should say to the head that you wont go down the route of grievance unless you get a formal apology.
the nasty woman will if she has any sense realsie that the head has her card marked and that you are no pushover

hotbot · 12/03/2009 19:46

sorry,doh, will go down the grievance unless you get an apology

Original poster
johnbarrowmanlovesme · 12/03/2009 20:47

I'm tired of fighting it on my own now & don't think I'm strong enough to take it further & possibly still have to work there wish I had you ladies working there with me to hold my hand & support me.

Haven't managed to get through to ACAS, still trying every day when I get the chance to though, am interested in what they will have to say on the matter

OP posts:
Judy1234 · 12/03/2009 21:48

It's certainly not good, is it? She should not have opened the envelope and should be told off for that. What remedy are you after in an ideal world? Do you think it should go on her record as a disciplinary offence for example?

tallulahbelly · 12/03/2009 22:59

We ladies are holding your hand and we're trying to help you to stand up for yourself.

I've been following this all since you posted because I really feel for you and am so angry on your behalf.

It is intimidating and depressing and feels so much of an effort to stand up to a bully.

But she is pathetic and despicable - just think back to when you called her out and she started wheedling about coffee and cocoa or 'brown stains' - wtf was that all about?

It's typical of a female bully to try to turn the tables on her victim when she gets found out. Has she turned on the waterworks yet?

I wouldn't advise you to do anything that's going to put you to much inconvenience much less ruin your life.

But please, please, please do what the others have said and write a reasoned letter of grievance and put it into the governors, the education authority and a copy to your weed of a head teacher.

You can then walk away if you want. I really hope the new job offer comes off but at least the grievance will be there and while you're there they'll be obliged to deal with it by employment law.

For the meantime you're stuck there and by making a complaint you have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

Good luck

Original poster
johnbarrowmanlovesme · 14/03/2009 17:21

I was told she was to have a verbal warning & I was happy with that, then it changed to being told off & it would go down on her record but it wasn't a verbal warning, don't understand what the difference is

Yes, the waterworks were turned on when she said sorry for spiling the hot choc on the letter & for then opening the envelope & putting it in a new one but that she hadn't read it. Maybe I can't bring myself to take it any further one, because I don't feel the School would be happy & therefore not be of much support to me & two, guillable as I am, I am not 100% sure that she did read it, DH thinks I am soft in the head for even thinking this but I have no proof at the end of the day.

OP posts:
lizziemun · 14/03/2009 18:13

If she mentions it again i would be inclined to say 'yes I know you spilled coffee no sorry hot choc on your desk last week'. So she is aware that you know she lying.

CarGirl · 14/03/2009 22:25

Please put your grievance in writing so it does go on her record otherwise she could accuse you of something in the future and you won't have a leg to stand on.

I don't think a verbal warning is much to expect for what she has done, it should really be a written one anyway.

You can add to your grievance that she keeps changing the story about what happened.