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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be angry at work colleague who opened an envelope addressed to me and had CONFIDENTIAL written on the envelope?

133 replies

johnbarrowmanlovesme · 28/02/2009 22:58

She knew it contained my recent job appraisal, which (she must have suspected!) did contain quite a few complaints about her! I wasn't in work the day the Secretary handed out the envelopes so she (my supervisor) was handed mine & asked to pass it on to me the following day.

Anyway,to cut a long story short, she handed me the envelope which for various reasons I suspected had been tampered with so I went to see the Secretary who was shocked that it wasn't her writing on the envelope
This person had taken the envelope home, opened it, read it then put it in a new envelope & tried to copy the original handwriting, I would never know
DH thinks this is a sackable offence, what do you think?

OP posts:
YouKnowNothingoftheCrunch · 04/03/2009 08:12

Good luck this morning. Hope your Head isn't useless and it actually gets dealt with now in a non-farcical manner so you don't have to do the whole grievance process.

It might be worth approaching your job share to find out if she has similar problems (before you tell her the situation), and then maybe suggest the diary. But you do need to be careful as TYOTC says.

Blondeshavemorefun · 04/03/2009 13:42

how did meeting go with your head?

StealthPolarBear · 04/03/2009 20:24

bump
really good advice from TYOTC

TheYearOfTheCat · 04/03/2009 20:28

Gald to be of help.

Yunyun · 04/03/2009 22:32

How did everything go johnbarrowman?
Great advice there YearoftheCat

YouKnowNothingoftheCrunch · 06/03/2009 08:24

Update?

vis · 06/03/2009 13:40

mm i was wondering if the "witchy lady " had clocked this thread somehow , hence the lack of update??? or is that my imagination

etchasketch · 06/03/2009 17:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

screamingabdab · 06/03/2009 17:32

We've all on tenterhooks

screamingabdab · 06/03/2009 17:32

That's : we're all on tenterhooks

vis · 07/03/2009 18:45

any news??

Yunyun · 08/03/2009 11:58

Update?

Original poster
johnbarrowmanlovesme · 08/03/2009 23:49

Sorry it's taken so long to update you.

To be honest, I am fed up of the whole situation & am disappointed with the outcome of it all.

I went to work on thursday believing the Head had spoken to the witch. I felt so sick going in but kept telling myself that I had done nothing wrong & kept my head up & got on with the job. Halfway through the morning she broke down in tears, said she was sorry & that she hadn't read the letter, I just told her that she wasn't meant to discuss it then she came out with some story of spilling hot choc (not coffee)on it so put it into a cupboard & brought a new envelopein the next day to put it in before passing it on to me.

I saw the head later who told me that she hadn't had time to speak to the witch but would soon. I was surprised as I believed that by the time I went to work on Thursday it would all have been dealt with.

After School on Friday I made a point of going in & asking if it had been dealt with but was again told that there hadn't been time. Through all the jargon I was being fobbed off with, I realised that a verbal warning wasn't going to be given after all. It would be noted on her records apparently but the next time she does something wrong it would start the ball rolling with a verbal. The Head said that I would have to start a Grievance Procedure if I wanted to take it further but was made to feel that it was really serious thing to do. she said that there were steps to be taken& that it all had to be done properly which made me feel like my complaint was trivial.

So, I can't believe I'm saying this, but I don't really know where to go from here so am going to have to drop it I think. I don't think I would be able to work with someone who I had coplained about & there was an on going issue with it.

Just want to leave now, I told our line manager that & she said if I leave the witch will have won so she obviously know there is a problem, would just rather bury her head in the sand & let us get on with it

OP posts:
sayithowitis · 09/03/2009 00:11

Are you in a union? if so, I would suggest you speak to your rep about what to do now. It almost sounds as though your Headteacher is afraid of the woman.Either that or he is a totally inneffective manager. You are entitled to have this dealt with properly. Your complaint IS NOT TRIVIAL and it is not for the Head to decide that it is, just because he wants to avoid dealing with a disciplinary matter.

oopsagain · 09/03/2009 00:30

maybe your line manager would step in and make the compliant?

NotPlayingAnyMore · 09/03/2009 01:34

"I just told her that she wasn't meant to discuss it then she came out with some story of spilling hot choc (not coffee)on it so put it into a cupboard & brought a new envelopein the next day to put it in before passing it on to me."

No suitable envelope to be found in the school to be used the same day it happened so she had to bring one in from home? Yeah right. Along with bringing the appraisal back from home, more like.
Hope you have logged that conversation and that this gets sorted out once and for all soon - I definitely think you should take it further.

newtotheplanet · 09/03/2009 07:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Yunyun · 09/03/2009 12:47

I'd like to punch the witch, along with your Head
sorry

Yunyun · 09/03/2009 13:05

"I just told her that she wasn't meant to discuss it then she came out with some story of spilling hot choc (not coffee)on it so put it into a cupboard & brought a new envelopein the next day to put it in before passing it on to me."

Why didn't she just hand it back to secretary and ask for another envelope? I can't believe there is not one spare envelope in the whole school.
This witch seems a nutcase who failed to cover her tracks, and the Head seems to know what's going on but is too much of a wimp burying her head in the sand.
I'd start the grievance procedure straight away. Of course the Head wants you to believe it's a 'last resort' serious thing to do, because she is a lazy git really doesn't want to deal with it.

Original poster
johnbarrowmanlovesme · 09/03/2009 14:23

I had sort of resigned myself to thinking that I'd just leave it, don't want to cause trouble but your comments have made me re-think. My trouble is that when I have spoken to the Head, she sort of blinds me with science if you know what I mean so I haven't a clue what she is on about half the time. she has spoken about the matter to a close friend of hers who is a Barrister & also to someone at the HR Department so she has got the facts, it just all seems very complicated to me

No, not in a Union, it is something that I am going to look into though, I have a feeling I might need them in the future.

My Line Manager wouldn't make the complaint, she sticks her head in the sand as to what is going on, just wants a quiet life.

Funny (not funny really!) thing is, since the young assisstant started who is my job share, all witchy poo has done is moaned about her & said how useless she is, I have stood up for her & said it would take time to get her up to speed. Now all of a sudden, she is the best thing since sliced bread. When I went to work on Thursday, all I heard about was how good, efficient etc this girl is. Now I know she has improved but not that much so the witch is now changing her tactics methinks. DH thinks that I am thinking about it all too much, which I probably am but I know what she is like. One way to get back at me is to make me feel that the other girl is better at the job. This all sounds very trivial I know, but being in this situation is so demoralising

OP posts:
slug · 09/03/2009 14:43

If the woman is one of theose slightly insane types, can you guarantee that she won't bring a grievance against you in the future?

I worked with a teacher who was like that. Every time you challenged him he brought out a grievance. It did not matter how many times you had swept his misdemeanours under the carpet or had turned the other cheek, he played hardball. So I suggest that it really is serious enough for a grievance and it is best to get in first before she works out some way of bringing our one against you first.

Blondeshavemorefun · 09/03/2009 15:00

please dont forget about it

the woman did wrong and tbh i am a little and that your head isnt taking it more seriously!!

dont let her get away with this

Yunyun · 09/03/2009 17:14

"When I went to work on Thursday, all I heard about was how good, efficient etc this girl is. Now I know she has improved but not that much so the witch is now changing her tactics methinks."

The witch is more spiteful than I originally thought. She seems to know the Head won't do anything hence her confidence.
Also it sounds like you are having a miserable time.

Do not let this go. You will regret it if you do. You didn't do anything wrong, but it sounds like you are surrounded by people who think because this matter doesn't affect them, they needn't do anything about it.

Go ahead with the grievance procedure. And soon.

CarGirl · 09/03/2009 17:21

please go ahead with the grievance procedure, you can also now include that she has changed her story and apparently brought an envelope from home. The witch is clearly cacking herself because she has completely done everything wrong and she knows she is in deep shit.

Be brave!

ellceeell · 09/03/2009 17:43

The Head isn't the only one who can speak to the HR department - you could try asking them for advice too. Get it in writing. Even if your head is telling the truth about having sought advice she may also be reinterpreting what she has been told, so it is better to get it from HR direct.