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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be annoyed at my childminder for over feeding DS?

32 replies

wolfear · 27/02/2009 21:51

He's 19 months and despite having a geat appetite, i sstarting to get picky with what he eats. She says she can't say 'no' to him and when he asks for something (usually ham, cheese or beans) she'll give it to him. He totally playing her! He always just plays with his tea after he's been at her house and tonight he had one piece of cucumber.

I've tried being subtle about it buit need to drive it home somehow.

OP posts:

sundew · 27/02/2009 22:02

Why is she over feeding him - its is not clear from your post. Surely if he is only eating healthy food then what does it matter? Sounds like he is eating well - i really wouldn't fret. Would you rather he went hungry at the child minders?

onepieceofcremeegg · 27/02/2009 22:04

What time does he finish his day with the cm? Could he possibly have an early tea at her house and then you could just offer him a small supper/milk when he comes home.

Both my dds are "good eaters" and always sniffing out food...because they eat a lot in the daytime we do give them a fairly modest tea to compensate. (especially dd1 as she is 5 and slightly larger than average "build")

Chatkins · 27/02/2009 22:05

so is he pestering her for food then, as she said she cna't say 'no' to him ?

gagarin · 27/02/2009 22:11

How does he cope when you say "no" to him at the weekends? Does he eat better?

There is no "must" about eating a large tea - lots of dcs at this age graze for much of the day on small frequent amounts of food. As long as it's healthy that's not much of a problem.

Do you eat with him (have a decent meal that is) when he has his tea? I presume so - he'll be getting all the socialisation he needs from you then. If he swipes some of your tea - and has his cucumber - then that's prob just fine.

babbi · 28/02/2009 00:09

I have no idea what on earth you are on about ? Your child is eating well at his childminders and you are not happy about what ????

mm22bys · 28/02/2009 10:24

Ham, cheese and beans are healthy.

Maybe he is hungry at that time, and will only need a "snack" when he's at home with you.

He's 19 months old, I doubt very much he is "playing her".

Kids generally self-regulate their food intake anyway, especially at such a young age.

It's better than not eating enough!

YABVU.

CrushWithEyeliner · 28/02/2009 10:27

YABU. He is only 19m, he is just grazing on different types of food and she is quite rightly giving him what he fancies at that time. Do you expect her to leave a 19m old baby hungry? I don't understand your post at all.

Smithagain · 28/02/2009 10:43

What time is tea? Maybe he really is hungry before that and you're just going to have to accept that he's eating at his childminder's.

If that's the case, adjust your timetable. Forget about "tea". Let her feed him. Give him milk and a slice of toast for supper before bed if necessary.

wabbit · 28/02/2009 10:45

I wouldn't worry about him grazing, here we have 3 snacks throughout the day and the lunch one is only a wee bit more substantial ... as a childminder you can't leave children feeling empty, they get cranky and feel anxious.

The suggestion that you let him have 'tea' at your childminders is good. That way you can provide the food for him (which is what my parents do for their LO's) and then the childminder can prepare it

SerendipitousHarlot · 01/03/2009 11:38

You need to relax. He's eating, fairly healthily, I might add, and he's not going hungry. I don't understand the point of your post.

WallOfSilence · 01/03/2009 11:51

My two children get their tea/dinner at their c/minders.

Whether it is potatoes, meat & veg or something as simple as a pizza they don't get a second tea at home.

Often what happens is they have tea/dinner at cm & when dh & I are having our dinner they sit at the table & have a bowl of custard or rice, maybe a yoghurt or something 'desserty'.

I wouldn't be annoyed at c/minder feeding ds, he obviously is hungry & looking for it.

I don't think a 19 month old is capable pf 'playing' anyone as far as hunger is concerned.

noonki · 01/03/2009 11:52

I'm a bit lost, your son is happily eating healthy food, you want your cm to withhold the food,

thus creating a food issue.

My ds2 ONLY ate raisins, spaghetti, ketchup and peas for about 2 months around that age. He is now 22 months and going back to eating much better, I just let him get on with it, whilst offering over food as well.

WallOfSilence · 01/03/2009 11:52

Are there other issues with your c/minder though?

Have you asked her not to feed him as you want him to have tea with you at home? (this might be difficult though if he's hungry for tea before you get home)

chegirl · 01/03/2009 12:12

He sounds pretty normal for his age. Kids that age can get really picky even if they have been gannets up til then.

If you are worried that he is missing out on tea time with you, you can still have him at the table and offer him something.

Honestly - its not worth making an issue of.

If you stop her giving him food when he is hungry you will end up with a furious, miserable child at picking up time. Kids that are over hungry are a nightmare.

Original poster

wolfear · 01/03/2009 14:26

Point taken about needing to relax, but I probably should have mentioned that he sometimes vomits a bit sometimes after a drink or when playing after being at her house (only two days a week mind you), not loads - just a little gip, and I'm assuming because he is so full. Side on he looks like Homer Simpson - he's not like this at all other days.

Don't get me wrong, I'm very grateful he is eating and there's no other issues with my CM. She really loves my DS and he has a lovely time when he's there. He's my first child and I guess I just don't want to create a habit of him grazing throughout the day instead eating three proper meals, which is what I was brought up to do and I'd like to continue with my own family.

It sounds like it's pretty common for kids to have bigger meals during the day and a little snack in the evening though so may give that a try.I think i still need to have a word with my CM and ask her to limit the food a bit as he really is full to bursting when he gets home. It's things like when she picks the older kids up from school, she will give them a snacka dn she says she feels sorry for my DS as he wants some too. I can understand this and obviously don't want my DS to be upset but he's a lot smaller than 5 and 6 year olds and doesn't need another piece of toast after everything he's eaten that day - maybe some fruit or something instead. I'm sure I won't cause any offence

OP posts:

lou031205 · 01/03/2009 14:33

He is too tiny to cope on 3 meals a day. Small and regular meals are much better.

Sidge · 01/03/2009 14:55

Children (especially toddlers) are designed to graze, 3 fixed meals a day is a societal habit.

Far better to let him eat when he is hungry rather than because the clock says it's lunchtime/dinnertime. IMO children largely self regulate and as long as what they are offered is healthy and nutritious then they rarely overeat.

He will need smaller portions than a 5 or 6 year old though, for eg if they have a piece of toast he would probably only need half.

hercules1 · 01/03/2009 15:03

It sounds like she is doing a great job and I would let her get on with what she is doing. Far more natural than enforcing 3 meals a day at this age.

jazzandh · 01/03/2009 15:15

Wolfear, I would be the same. Snack foods are often not as healthy as main meal type foods, my Ds would be the same, another piece of toast as a snack but then no veg eaten at tea time! Ham, cheese and beans? Full of salt!

I think your suggestion of making the snacks fruit, or small box of raisins or maybe vegetables like carrot sticks would be the way to go. Also they seem to go down a bit quicker rather than carbohydrate rich foods so don't spoil the appetite for as long.

chegirl · 01/03/2009 20:03

The point is he is you child and if you are concerned have a word with her. Maybe you can ask her to give him alternatives that you are more happy with. That way when he pesters her for food she doesnt have to say no but he doesnt get so stuffed.

But dont get stressed.

JemL · 01/03/2009 20:10

He is much too little to be in the "three meals a day" pattern that we adults are used to.TOddlers have very small stomachs and can't manage the way adults do. There is plenty of time to get him into the routine you want when he is older and physically developed enough to. If you are not happy with the type of foods she is giving him that is one thing - but the way he is eating sounds normal.

MarlaSinger · 01/03/2009 20:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hophophippidtyhop · 01/03/2009 20:16

my dd always eats twice as much at the childminders than when at home. She only goes one day a week though, and it's not like it's because it's different food from home as I send food with her!It's probably because there's other children around, mine always eats more when her cousins are with her too!

Blondeshavemorefun · 01/03/2009 20:20

i dont think he is too young to have 3 meals a day and then a small healthy snack of raisins/fruit/breac stick mid morning and 3.30ish IF he is getting hungary/ratty etc

grazing isnt good and gets a child into bad habbits

course the cm can say no , assume she can say no if he is about to go near a hot drink/fire or hit another child etc

Shoshe · 01/03/2009 20:27

My mindees (13,15 and 5 months)

Get breakfast, usually toast, crumpets or porridge, and fruit at 8.00am

Fruit and maybe a cracker, or rich tea at 9.30.

shepherds Pie, Fish Pie, Pasta, Toad in the hole, veg and Potatoes sort of thing, followed by yogurt at 11.30.

a piece of fruit at 2.00 when they get up.

A piece of toast, pancake, occasionally fairy cake at 3,30 when the older children come in from school.

As far as I can tell from other CM's i work along side this is about normal for where I am.

All my mindee, just get some thing small when they get home.

Often under 3's prefer the main meal of the day at lunchtime.

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