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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Does your mother-in law do this? Or is mine just plain weird!!

74 replies

kelsuprise · 27/02/2009 12:25

My Mother-in Law sends cards (bithday, Fathers Day, Valentine, Xmas) to my DH from OUR DAUGHTER! Now I have lots of fun choosing cards for my DH from our DS (2 yrs old) but then it is really ruined by her doing the same! Am I being possessive or should this really be mine and my daughters thing to do and not hers??

OP posts:

Original poster

kelsuprise · 27/02/2009 14:09

Keep strong Mrs MH. May the force be with you!!

OP posts:

MrsMerryHenry · 27/02/2009 14:16

Hmm...I like your thinking...what I need is a light saber!

TeddyBearCoalman · 27/02/2009 14:31

My mother in law has always done this - sometimes she makes the cards with the dc's a few weeks in advance when they visit.

I don't find it remotely odd or controlling, and am quite shocked that so many of you do.

I am actually usually rather over sensitive and take offense easily, so am feeling quite pleased that there is finally SOMETHING I am laid back about in comparison with others...

Original poster

kelsuprise · 27/02/2009 14:46

Teddy B- do you not want to do this with your chidren? Does she ask you if this is ok and whether you had anything planned?

OP posts:

TeddyBearCoalman · 27/02/2009 14:52

I still do this with the children kel - just means DH gets two of everything I suppose.

She hasn't ever asked if it was okay, but then I haven't ever expected her to. Now I'm thinking about it, perhaps it is a bit strange, but I've just thought ..ooh, stuff from Grandma, thats nice..

She always sends choclates and presents with the cards too, which helps, because even though there not for me directly, I still get to enjoy them!

ChippingIn · 27/02/2009 22:57

OP - agree with most everyone else. Not her place to do it and it takes away the pleasure of you doing it. I'd get DH to make ask her to stop doing it.

TeddyBear - it's a bit different if she's helping them to make it, then I wouldn't worry about getting 2, but to just go and buy one by herself isn't right. Also you are chocolate biased

Sails · 27/02/2009 23:08

Last mothers day my mil helped ds1 (then aged 2 and a half) and ds2 (then 4 months) decorate/ write on mothers day cards she had chosen and bought when she was babysitting. She thoroughly enjoyed it and got a lot of pleasure out of it. A surprise for me and dh didn't mind as it got him off the hook!! However this is probably very different as it was for me not dh!

Jux · 27/02/2009 23:25

Very inappropriate. SIL used to make dh his birthday cake - she'd just turn up with it and quite eclipse the little one that I would have helped dd make.

After a few years, I asked her if dd could 'help' her make dh's cake. We never got another one.

mumeeee · 27/02/2009 23:27

That is weird. It is your job not hers. I should ask you DHto ask her to stop doing it.

Frasersmum123 · 28/02/2009 08:26

Sounds like a Nutbar - just like mine!

Kimi · 28/02/2009 08:28

Get to the post first and bin them

2pt4kids · 28/02/2009 08:54

How old are your children kelsurprise?
It is very odd that she does this, but I'm also wondering why she sends a card just from your DD and not your DS as well??

Are your children old enough to say to her on the phone 'Daddy got 2 cards from me Grandma but I only wrote one! isnt that funny!' or something like that (with a bit of practice )

muppetgirl · 28/02/2009 08:57

...just read op to dh and even he says that's bloody wierd.

Springhassprung · 28/02/2009 19:06

My grandmother started doing this when my mother became a single parent, and I think this is the only reasonable situation to do it in. YANBU!

LittleMonkeysMummy · 28/02/2009 19:15

My MIL does this but she sends cards to me She does this as my DH is a dozy git at times usually offshore

kslatts · 28/02/2009 19:24

That's odd, YANBU.

catweazle · 28/02/2009 19:24

Mine used to send Christmas and birthday cards to her mother and sister and other relatives from DH and me . As it was several years before I found out she was doing it I was also sending cards to the same people...

hippopotamouse · 28/02/2009 19:51

My mum once got me a card on Mothers Day when I was 39wks pregnant and was moaning I'd have to wait a whole year to get my first Mother's Day card! I thought that was lovely but had she done it again I would have told her not to!

puffling · 28/02/2009 19:56

Kelsurprise, glad I'm not the only one with a storming out MIL. Mine used to stay uninvited for 2 weeks at a time, then when she felt she wanted to leave, she'd have a couple of days saying we didn't want her here anymore then storm off to catch the train/coach.

flummery · 28/02/2009 20:00

I think you are being unreasonable. I'd find it odd if MIL did it, but not offensive or something I felt the need to crack down on.

DH will sometimes end up with about 6 Father's Day cards because the DCs will make one at school, buy one with me and then make one because they feel like it, or with Nanna.

Why does the fact MIL does it have any bearing on the pleasure you get from doing it with your DC? It seems like a fairly harmless thing to complain about, and potentially hurt MIL's feeling over.

ilovecake · 28/02/2009 21:05

My MIL sends DH valentines card signed with a ? - I thought it was okay and quite sweet for a while (we've been together for 15 yrs)but now i've got the children she sends them one too! Now the children i think is sweet but i think i should be the only person to give my husband a valentines card!I refused to put it on the side this year.

moondog · 28/02/2009 21:08

Mind you, anyone sending cards on behalf of anyone else is a nutter (and I include parents sending cards to other parent on behalf of the kid.)

Cards are only ok if home made anyway.

DandyLioness · 28/02/2009 21:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

ChocFudgeCake · 02/03/2009 23:25

IMO it would be better to tackle it somehow. Later she might feel that she has more power over the family things. Emma's idea is good.

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