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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think grandparents should take all children out?

58 replies

popperdoodles · 27/02/2009 08:21

It is my dh I suppose that feels more strongly about this than me. I can't decide , hence why asking the wisdom of mumsnet.

Boys have teacher training day today and dh parents asked if they could take them out for the day. Only they only intending on taking out our 9 and 6 year olds leaving our 2 year old with me. This is not a problem for me I am a cm so will carrying on as normal however dh thinks it's really unfair to leave 2 year old behind and I feel a bit uncomfortable that he has basicly told them they have to bring him too. 2 year old would be gutted as they all trotted off but would get over it.

What do you reakon is it reasonable to expect grandparents to take all of them or not at all?

By the way they are going to a wildlife park so 2 year old would LOVE it.

OP posts:

blinks · 27/02/2009 08:24

depends on health/wellbeing of grandparents.

if they're fit and well, it seems weird to leave 2 year old behind.

Dottoressa · 27/02/2009 08:24

Un-thought-out response is that taking 9 and 6-y-os out is a v different experience to taking a 2-y-o as well. I think I'd be grateful if the grandparents took one child off my hands, never mind two!

2-y-o will get over it after the first fifteen seconds, and will not be emotionally scarred by the experience!

mrsgboring · 27/02/2009 08:25

Well since no-one has ever done anything more than about 2 hours of babysitting for me ever, I'd say your DH IBU. Surely your older two would enjoy a day where they don't have to go at toddler pace / respect a toddler agenda and it will be miles easier for your ILs.

PuppyMonkey · 27/02/2009 08:27

Stick two year old in front of CBeebies. Far less hassle for everyone.

2pt4kids · 27/02/2009 08:28

There are lots and lots of things that they can do with the 6 and 9 year olds that will be hindered by a 2 year old. I expect the GPs are thinking that they will give the older boys a day out as a treat.
Seems a lovely idea to me.

My MIL is having one of my boys next week for a day specifically so that I can have a quality time day with my other son, which is a rare occurence!

I think your DH is being a bt dense here. Treating them fairly does not equal treating them exactly the same

cory · 27/02/2009 08:32

What mrsgboring says.

I have come to realise that we need to start taking 8yo ds out on his own from time to time as he is always held back by his mobility-impaired older sister.

And going out with a toddler means a particular pace, never having the chance to look in peace at what you want to look at etc. I think it is perfectly reasonable for a pair of big boys to go out on their own sometimes. He won't mull it over and be jealous; you can do something special with him at home.

Uriel · 27/02/2009 08:38

Agree with 2pt4kids.

Surely, for the last two years, a lot of what you've done has been dictated by the baby/now toddler?

A day out for the two eldest at little boy pace and not toddler pace for once, sounds lovely for them.

They'll have great fun rushing around and it'll be easier for GPs too without the toddler there.

Original poster

popperdoodles · 27/02/2009 08:40

I agree adding a 2 year old into the mix add a total different spin on the day. And yes 2 year old would get over it. They are in good health. Hmmm still und decided though. They are coming in about an hour. maybe I can talk to them and see how the properly feel with out dh around putting pressure on them.

OP posts:

expatinscotland · 27/02/2009 08:43

He is being unreasonable.

Remind him that they don't have to take any of them out at all.

BonsoirAnna · 27/02/2009 08:47

We've done this thread lots of times before.

Siblings do not come as a package deal. Grandparents do not have any obligation to take all children for treats/outings/sleepovers.

EllieG · 27/02/2009 08:53

My Mum and Dad take out DSD (10) separately to DD (10 months) - it is nice for her to have quality time with them on her own without little person distracting, and nice for me to have quality time with LO.

pagwatch · 27/02/2009 08:57

I do npot have grandparents who can take mine out at all so you should consider yourself grateful for what you get.

A day out with a 9 and 6 year old is very very different from a day out with a two year old as well.
Your DH is being unreasonable and an ungrateful twat to boot. Just hope he doesn't piss off the grandparents and you end up with no respite at all

sandcastles · 27/02/2009 09:04

Well, as they have been asked to take the children, I think taking 2 is more than reasonable! They could have said no!

I think any child needs to be aware that they cannot do everything a sibling does.

My MIL & FIL take dd1 (5) out alot, but then dd2 is only 8 months, so a bit harder. But I wouldn't object to them just taking dd1 when dd2 is older.

dorothygale · 27/02/2009 09:09

YABU- i think they are being generous.

Anyway aren't they doing it because of teacher training day? ie because you will have the two schoolage children off when you wouldn't normally so wouldn't necessary have the proper arrangements to look after them in place - the 2 year old isn't affected by this

MsSparkle · 27/02/2009 09:18

If your 2yr old was say, 5, i would say yanbu because that would be unfair to leave him behind. But as he is only 2 i think yabu.

jumpingbeans · 27/02/2009 09:24

As a grandparent, i could not bear to see the youngest upset face if i were to leave him behind, me and dh just take turns in catching up with the others if he is walking, but he so loves not going in his push chair,he's very good at holding hands so it's no big deal,so no it would not enter my mind to leave him behind. nothing to do with his chubby little hand holding on tight at all you understand

cory · 27/02/2009 09:28

But why do they have to see his upset face? Can't you take him out on a special adventure in the park just before they leave, so he thinks he's the one getting the treat?

saadia · 27/02/2009 09:33

I think you, or rather your dh, is BU. It will be much easier for them to manage with just the older ones and the two year old will probably, as you say, be able to handle it.

spicemonster · 27/02/2009 09:34

The 2YO doesn't even need to know GPs have taken older children out surely - they can just leave and meet the GPs outside if there's going to be a teary face situation. I wouldn't take my DS (who is 2) to a wildlife park incidentally - he'd get bored, he'd be a handful, he'd want a nap. They'll have a better time without the baby

jumpingbeans · 27/02/2009 09:41

When we take the children out for the day, it's both of us,so why leave the lo at home,if the older ones want to go on rides or charge off somewhere there's always one of us to go with them, and at the same time, one of us can look down worm holes with the litttle one

Sassybeast · 27/02/2009 09:51

I think it will be loads more fun for your older kids to have aday with the grandparents without the hassle that a 2 year old inevitably creates. I know my eldest really loves leaving the younger ones behind for the odd day.

dizzydixies · 27/02/2009 09:54

HolidaysQueen · 27/02/2009 09:55

I would only think YANBU if this was a regular occurrence - i.e. GPs always took older boys but never the younger. However, if you don't have any broader concerns about them always excluding your 2yo then I think your DH IBU.

mm22bys · 27/02/2009 09:57

They should definitely.

I presume they will be taking your 2 year old out somewhere separately then?

YANBU

expatinscotland · 27/02/2009 10:01

'They should definitely.

I presume they will be taking your 2 year old out somewhere separately then?

YANBU '

They don't have to take any of them out. At all. Ever.

They're being generous to do it at all.

Many of us don't have the luxury of grandparents who are able or willing to take kids out at all, it's a blessing to get that sort of help and not have to pay for it, tbh.

And if my own kids started making demands on me like, 'So you'll be taking the 2-year-old out on his/her own then, too?' they'd soon be paying a babysitter if they want any sort of respite.

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