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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be cross at everything being handed on a plate...

95 replies

BuckTarbrush · 26/02/2009 15:16

Someone I know has got pregnant (by accident ) and has immediately got an offer of a privately rented house paid for almost totally by the DSS, all arranged through someone she knows who works for a Housing Association. She's getting virtually everything paid for. She lives with her mother, in quite a big house, her partner will be living with her (she said he wouldn't but winked when she said it). It makes me so cross that I have to work very hard in order to pay my mortgage, as does my DH, and we struggle every month, but it sounds like she'll be able to stop working. It makes me so cross! AIBU? Surely not!

OP posts:
Original poster
BuckTarbrush · 26/02/2009 16:14

unpaid - obviously my tax doesn't just go on single parents but when people claim more than seems fair, that leaves less for the rest of the 'pot' to cover all the other costs.

OP posts:
unpaidworker · 26/02/2009 16:15

OP - My excuse is I'm heavily pregnant and yes bored but your just bitter and envious.

harleyd · 26/02/2009 16:18

have you mentioned to your friend how bitter and angry you feel towards her

wotulookinat · 26/02/2009 16:19

bucktarbrush - what you say about the maternity grant being used to buy an expensive buggy really annoys me!

mrsjammi · 26/02/2009 16:20

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myfunnynametaken · 26/02/2009 16:21

She won't last 5 minutes before she's grassed up by someone for living with her boyfriend.

mrsjammi · 26/02/2009 16:22

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VTVTVT · 26/02/2009 16:22

So because you are sturggling with no offers of help, you begrudge other people getting help?

So she been offerd a privately rented house, thats great, whats your problem with that?

Its being paid for by the DSS? well not if she is still working, she will have to pay rent until she goes on benefits then the DSS will pay something (not all, depends on how much her rent is)

So because her mum has a big house, that means she shouldnt move out, set up a home of her own for her family?

She said he dp wont be living with her then winked? not exactly evidence that she will be defrauding the system, she could have a twitch

If you are not happy with your lot then do something about it, dont waste your time being envious of other people, you will end up bitter

conniedescending · 26/02/2009 16:24

I would have said YABU some while ago but now - no way...YANBU at all. The whole get a house thing just for being pg is ludicrous.

I think the recession is going to hit the benefit recipients the hardest. There's not going to be enough in the pot - so in that respect you are better off working.

galling it is though - very galling

RealityIsMyOnlyDelusion · 26/02/2009 16:25

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MadameCastafiore · 26/02/2009 16:26

VTVTVT - she should be made to live with her mother and her mother finacially help with her and the child as they do in other European Countries where the teenage pregnancy rate isn't so high because the government isn't willing to bail out everyone who couldn't decide to keep their pants on or use a condom.

conniedescending · 26/02/2009 16:26

and there's this £190 healthy eating grant thats being introduced

Original poster
BuckTarbrush · 26/02/2009 16:28

"So because her mum has a big house, that means she shouldnt move out, set up a home of her own for her family?"

Not if we all have to pay for it and she's not unhappy or starving. She got pregnant, that's all. It happens every day but I just don't think that should entitle her to a house when there are people who genuinely need it. Doesn't make me a bitter and twisted person, or unhappy with my own life, just worried about this country and its values.

OP posts:
Original poster
BuckTarbrush · 26/02/2009 16:29

(For those people who think this is boring, start something more interesting then. This is genuinely interesting to me)

OP posts:
Gorionine · 26/02/2009 16:30

unpaidworker, when I was pregnant with DD1, I had to stop working because I was too sick. I was at the time the breadwinner as DH was in full time education. When Istopped, DH started working on week ends but the 16 hours he could do was not quite enough so we did ask for a bit of jhelp, provided every single paper we were asked to blah blah blah. Apparently because we where married as opposed to boyfriend girlfriend, he was supposed to "provide for me2 so we were not entitled to anything. He was payed £90 a week end, our rent for a dirty bedsit in London was £80 +he had to pay to commute to Oxford for lectures. I can tell you I flew in a rage when a friend of mine ( an ex-work collegue) told me she and her boyfriend had a two bed appartement paid by taxpayers because they had told housing benefit he was violent to her (he was not supposed to live with her in it but was, because he was not beating her sensless), she was working but still claiming job seeker allowances, so was her boyfriend. How do I know? Because she proudly told me so as they were "saving to buy a villa in Italy".

Sometimes, people do qualifie for benefits because they are better liars than others, not because they are in more trouble...

Oh and no I am not bitter, Dh eventually graduated, got a decent job, and now, 4 DCs on we can be very proud of what we achieved without any help whatshowever.

harleyd · 26/02/2009 16:30

so are you bitter towards everyone who gets housed, or just those who get housed because they are pregnant..im genuinly interested

SoupDragon · 26/02/2009 16:33

Welcome to MN

Original poster
BuckTarbrush · 26/02/2009 16:33

I'm bitter about people who have a roof over their heads but seem to be viewed as victims when they get pregnant and need help. People lose their houses for a variety of reasons and need help (we struggled to pay our mortgage last year so can see how it can easily happen). But she is comfortable where she is, not in the gutter. Do you think she should be rewarded then? I'm genuinely interested too.

OP posts:
VTVTVT · 26/02/2009 16:34

How old is she? did the OP say she was a teenager?

MorrisZapp · 26/02/2009 16:35

It's not as if she's been given a house. She's been offered rented accommodation, which is another thing I personally would hate to go back to.

Why should a parent have to have their grandbaby living under their roof? If she qualifies, she qualifies.

Do we really want to go back to the days pre welfare state? I'm happy for my taxes to help others who need it. It may be me one day.

unpaidworker · 26/02/2009 16:37

Gorio - Good for you.

BitOfFun · 26/02/2009 16:37

Perhaps you could put a word in for me and my kids with her mum? I've just lost my job, house to follow in a month if I can't get another one....Nah, I still couldn't get worked up at someone else getting lucky.

RealityIsMyOnlyDelusion · 26/02/2009 16:38

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conniedescending · 26/02/2009 16:39

I actually think parents should house their pregnant offspring.

BitOfFun · 26/02/2009 16:40

Until when?

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