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Original poster

old chestnut - pink for girls - driving me nuts

140 replies

nellieellie · 26/02/2009 10:44

I know its been a thread before but I am so tired of the difficulty getting my 18mth DD clothes that are not pink. Don't get me wrong, she has some pink clothes but I really resent the fact that in some shops, everything for girls is pink. It's not just the clothes either, but even toys seems to be gender-marked. I go round to a friends house and her little girls snap their clothes off and put on pink tutus and look at themselves in the mirror; friends who bought my DS imaginative activity toys give DD clothes and dolls (in pink). Friends with older children hold "princess parties" for their little girls and little girl friends. My DD looks nothing like a boy but routinely is termed "little boy" at toddler groups/parks etc because she is not wearing pink. And this despite her flowing wavy hair and inch long eyelashes.
Other people talk of how their little girls are so interested in their appearance, and as young as 2 look at themselves in the mirror to see if they are "pretty".
I'm sure that the gender divide on clothes is worse than ever - as is the way toys are marketed as either for boys or girls. The worrying thing for me is that while toys for boys is invariably about doing stuff, or being active, girls toys have a bias towards appearance and looks - "prettiness". What is so good about a "princess" at a Princess party? - presumably dressing up and looking a certain way. For boys,say a "pirate party" is about rushing around, putting on silly voices and climbing up the crows nest - or sort of. I just remember my childhood as being fantastically oblivious to how I looked - having too much fun playing and running about. I don't want to isolate my little girl from her peers - and have nothing against a little bit of pink and dressing up from time to time but I don't want her to be sitting in front of a mirror putting bows in her hair (or getting me to) in the morning before she goes to nursery. I just want her to be a kid. Eating disorders are on the increase and I honestly think that in creating an enclosed world of pink and princesses for our girls we are giving too much emphasis on looks and appearance.

OP posts:
GrimmaTheNome · 26/02/2009 16:59

If you've got a girl, you can choose from the girls and the 'boys' clothes and toys.
DH has just bought DD some model plane kits.
Most of her favourite tops are 'boys' ones from sainsbos - nice blue stripes, not the 'monster' ones.

DD once went to a 'Pirates and Princesses' party arrayed as a pirate princess. Rushing around in a pretty frock brandishing a cutlass... . Gifts of (usually pink) 'jewellery' were always happily accepted ... to go into her pirate's chest, never to be worn.

Anyhow... just buy whatever you and your DD want, regardless of labelling. Don't worry too much about colours - today I came across a bunch of girls orienteering, most with some pink/purple about them, but (apart from showing the mud!) so what - its what they were doing that mattered, wasn't it?

crokky · 26/02/2009 17:07

YANBU.

I have a DS (2.11) and a DD (11m). Today my DS made this observation:

Mummy socks big, DS socks little, DD socks PINK.

(My DD was actually asleep in a babygro at the time without socks on - DS has obviously realised that everything is unintentionally pink or has pink detailing on for her)

It does annoy me that most of the clothes for girls, even if they are yellow or white or whatever, they STILL have pink detailing on. I have tried not to get everything in pink for my DD, but clearly as my DS has observed, I've failed. Her white socks have pink bits on, her blue socks have pink bits on. Boys clothes are far too boyish - really dark colours - it's actually very hard to dress a girl in boys' clothes - I have tried it and had comments such as "what is she wearing?" so I don't do it anymore.

Horton · 26/02/2009 17:08

Haha, it's not cheap, is it? But I think their stuff is lovely for special outfits etc. There are lots of things around the £15 mark - it's not all insane prices. And they do have sales now and again.

Also, American Apparel has good basics in a really wide range of colours (about £10 for a long-sleeved T-shirt). Not cheap but also not sweatshop-made.

Horton · 26/02/2009 17:19

Oh yes, another tip. DYLON. I have done loads of white basics in different colours with the machine dye. If people give you frilly pink stuff, dye it black. This way, the pink and purple embroidery looks like cute detailing rather than overkill eg this.

Horton · 26/02/2009 17:21

When it was pink, that babygro was vile. It was quite nice in black with the 'little cupcake' stuff the only pink remaining.

goodnightmoon · 26/02/2009 17:27

YANBU.

I was glad i had a boy just so i wouldn't have to enter the pink war. (of course now i want a girl so that i can take on the challenge of fighting the pink powers.)

it is a relatively new phenomenon and i think it is really setting girls off on the wrong foot.

people claim girls inherently love it but marketing is very powerful.

the figure hugging thing makes me sick too.

ironically my 7 month DS is often mistaken for a girl despite his total lack of pink clothing.

FlorenceofArabia · 26/02/2009 17:29

YABU.
Just enjoy being mum to a little girl
Wearing pink doesn't mean she'll grow up to be a WAG.

goodnightmoon · 26/02/2009 17:32

there's a really good take on the whole phenomenon here.

www.nytimes.com/2006/12/24/magazine/24princess.t.html

catweazle · 26/02/2009 17:52

I refused to dress DD1 in pink at all. Once she was old enough to choose what to wear she wanted to be a boy and she was 16 before she started dressing as a girl. Nobody every said she was cute or pretty or any of the things people say to little girls.

DD2 has been in pink girly stuff since she was born. Although you'd be hard pushed to see the difference between her and DD1 as a baby- they are very alike- people always say she is sweet, cute, pretty.... They are admiring her clothes.

I find TK Maxx good for "different" clothes. John Rocha at Debenhams has a new range of navy red and white girls stuff that is nice, Next has navy and white tops and trousers for summer, and some green (sadly not DD's colour).

In the 80s it was easy to buy non pink for girls, and purple and turquoise for boys. Now it is very gender specific and I think we've gone backwards

Mammina · 26/02/2009 18:11

I know what you mean. I hardly ever put DD in pink, and if I do it's flashy pink with some nice clashing orange or something! Her cousin is 5 and REFUSES to wear anything that's not pink or purple, and I do find it a bit ridiculous, but she has an older cousin who is 6 and very fashion conscious and tells her what she should be wearing! When I was young I didn't get a choice as to what I wore until I was much much older. But when DD goes to school & all her friends are wearing pink & she's the odd one out begging me to buy her only pink stuff it's going to be hard to refuse.
You can get non pink stuff from H&M, Gap (ok pricey but I buy in the sales), Vertbaudet and Debenhams. I'm also lucky that I have family in France so visit a lot and get loads of clothes from there. They don't seem to be into all this pink/purple malarkey over there

Mammina · 26/02/2009 18:14

btw horton that's a really good idea - except where the hell do I by dylon now that woolies has gone

FlorenceAndtheWashingMachine · 26/02/2009 18:22

I am very lucky in that my sister lives in Holland and they are into very bright, funky clothes for girls and boys, so I have lots of great, non-pink hand-me-downs. It's intweresting to go there and see that shops like H&M stock very differently for the Dutch market.

Re "Try buying her a train set. Ten pounds says she won't be interested!". In my experience that's not the case. I have two DDs and bought a wooden train set from a friend ages ago. It has been one of the most loved toys in the house. The girls I know love bikes, climbing trees and getting on their skate boards, but also having their hair done and other 'girly' pursuits.

RaspberryBlower · 26/02/2009 18:24

Yanbu - I was buying dd pyjamas from Asda the other day and the kind I wanted (with feet on) had 'Born to be a princess' written on them. I couldn't bring myself to buy them so I looked at the boys and there was exactly the same style but with 'Boss of the Family' on them. This seems quite a stark example of the gender divide to me.

Horton · 26/02/2009 18:25

Robert Dyas, migola? And Gap's sales are great. I've got lovely stuff for my daughter from there.

Mammina · 26/02/2009 18:32

ha ha horton for a split second I thought you were suggesting robert dyas did nice non pink kids clothes!
good idea, thanks

InmyheadIminParis · 26/02/2009 18:34

Horton - love the dyed sleepsuit!
I'll second Gap - I think 85 percent of DDs clothes are from there. But even Gap are prone to the girly glitter overkill. Their boys clothes are so good - why can't they put the same imagination into their girls'? I love kids in dungarees and have been trying to find a pair for DD for well over a year now. But it seems that for girls dungarees days end at 18 months. Does anyone know where I can find some for a 3 - 4 year old girl?
Or am I being just way too old fashioned here?

Horton · 26/02/2009 18:35

Heh, that made me laugh. I'm not sure a cheap stick blender is quite the thing for my DD.

Horton · 26/02/2009 18:36

If you find some, let me know, Paris. I'd love some dungarees for my daughter, too.

matildax · 26/02/2009 18:43

sorry to go against the grain here, but i love love love pink!!!

my daughters bedroom is a pink paradise.
she wears other colours too obviously,and i am not forcing pink on her, she likes it of her own accord.

my friend little girl will only wear pink, and perhaps purple. this was not her friends doing, as she dressed her in plenty of other colours as a baby.
its personal choice.

no big deal, if you ask me.

i think you should give them the freedom of self expression through their clothes.
telling a child they cant wear/have/eat something just makes them crave it all the more. in my opinion.

matildax · 26/02/2009 18:45

that should read my friend.

Mammina · 26/02/2009 18:48

matildax I agree with you about self expression with clothes but it's hardly self expression if they are only wearing pink because they are been told by marketing that it is what the 'should' wear IYSWIM

Belgianchocolates · 26/02/2009 19:21

IMO marketing has everything to do with girls' love of pink. My dd(5) didn't care for the colour up until about a year ago. Now her mindset has changed because now she's very aware of being a girl and in her mind that means she's supposed to like pink things and princess things, even though she's always been more of an animal liking sort of girl. The funny thing is that she'll talk about princesses and how she wants a barbie/bratz doll etc... but she doesn't actually play with them. What she says and does are 2 very different things. She acutally plays with her big brother's pokemon.

Nightcrawly · 26/02/2009 20:58

I'm quite interested in this, don't you think that completely avoiding pink and only dressing a girl in "non-girly" colours as a statement is just as bad as only dressing a girl in pink? Either way you are teaching them to be defined by their clothes and appearance?

Whilst I agree that it is abit boring to have everything pink, it is equally boring to be have only brights. I disagree that it is difficult to buy non-pink clothes.

Divineintervention · 26/02/2009 21:04

Children who are unaware of the way they look are not the ones being told they're pretty all the time!!
I would recommend Oilily, Mini a ture, Catimini, phister and philina, room seven deux par deux.... if you can't afford them there's always eBay!!

Dillydaydreamer · 26/02/2009 21:06

You must be shopping in the wrong place! My dds have very few pink items LOL. Ebay is great for variety I find Mine wear lots of jeans or trousers beige/green/red etc and maybe a white/beige/blue with floral detail tops to avoid confusion mainly with elderly people whose eyesight are failing I find