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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

for people to keep saying you have got your hands full havent you love !!!

55 replies

missfib · 24/02/2009 01:13

ok so i have 3 dc
1 dd nearly 5 and 2 ds nearly 2 and 6 months,
i cant tell you how many people mainly strangers who say you have got your hands full havent you !!
its really winds me up what the feck has it got to do with them ??
yeah i have 3 dc but i can cope lol.
sorry but i think they should keep that comment to themselves loads of ppl have 3 kids or more!!!

OP posts:
honeybehappy · 24/02/2009 01:15

What do you say back to them?

Original poster
missfib · 24/02/2009 01:17

i just say yeah i have havent i!
if i didnt say that i would say something i regret lol!

OP posts:
honeybehappy · 24/02/2009 01:20

well if you feel like that then perhaps you should just tell the to mind their own business. Personally if wouldnt bother me and i get it all the time especially when dd2 is screaming the bus down

Ready4anothercoffee · 24/02/2009 01:21

depending what mood I'm in I either reply:

Bless em they're no probem at all

no, not really

yes I have really, which one would you like?

yes, it can be annoying, but for me it depends on how the comment is made.

[ds nearly 5, dd1 just 3, dd2 almost 1]

Original poster
missfib · 24/02/2009 01:22

i dont want to be rude because they are only saying i suppose but it just gets me mad iyswim !

OP posts:
Original poster
missfib · 24/02/2009 01:24

they are no trouble apart from ds1 who i like to call dennis the menace!
but its just the way they look at you when they say it as if you are mad having 3 dc!

OP posts:
steviesgirl · 24/02/2009 03:04

I've had strangers tell me on the odd occasion that I've got my hands full and I've only got one!! Doesn't usually bother me though, but don't get it that often.

Kaybeeand2boys · 24/02/2009 03:31

i have had that comment and i only have 2 kids, but they are 17 months apart so people think they have to comment.... it's a bit annoying isn't it.... I just nod and smile and wish i could blow them up

DontlookatmeImshy · 24/02/2009 09:10

I got this in the village post office last week. Two ds's - 3yrs and 12 months. It was said in a friendly manner and i just took it as meaning they must keep you busy which actually, yes they do.

psychomum5 · 24/02/2009 09:26

I have people look at me in shock at times when I say how many children I have, and I only have 5 (so yes a large family, but not massive and deserving of shocked faces IMVHO).

when they ask me how I cope, I just say " a good sense of humour and a LOT of wine!"

said with a grin.

most people laugh, but I swear many of them think I am an alcoholic now.

hey ho...........my hands may be full, but they are full of love and fun - which is more than I can say for a lot of people out there!

LibrasJusticeLeagueofBiscuits · 24/02/2009 09:29

YABU. they are probably just making chit-chat, they are not trying to be rude, they are not trying to say you can't cope. Maybe they are even trying to empathise, maybe they have 3 kids at home and know it can be hard work sometimes. I don't really think it's something to get wound up about.

DanJARMouse · 24/02/2009 09:32

I get it all the time too. 3 under 5yrs old.

I smile and say "yes i do, but its lovely they are all so close and play so nicely together" even if what I am thinking is "yes, i was bloody stupid and if I had my time again i probably wouldnt have bothered"

Not that i dont love my children, i do, i adore them but its the constant noise that grates me - DD1 talks 24/7 - literally. Talks in her sleep all night.

Mung · 24/02/2009 09:33

People have said it to me plenty of times when mine were younger. I probably looked like I was struggling. I wasn't offended, I always found them kind and just felt that they wanted to chat and look at the baby. Often they would then help me in some way. Just let it blow over you. They aren't saying you cannot cope they are just acknowledging that its hard work, thats all.

choochoochaboogie · 24/02/2009 09:36

At least they are talking to you or would you rather they ignored you? It is hard for people to break the ice to talk to someone and it is a pretty obvious thing to say - they don't really think about it I'm sure - just pops into their head/mouth. May even be that you remind them of what it was like for them to have small children and they want you to know that they understand you have a lot to cope with.

I'm sooooo sure they don't mean offence, otherwise they would say something much worse like " hell girl, you never heard of contraception" or similar.... LOL

MY advice is grin and bear it and get your own back when you are older and wiser and greyer and even more knackered.......

At least you got lovely DC

LucyEllensmummy · 24/02/2009 09:46

I would comment - not because i think you can't cope but because i know I couldnt - i would just be impressed is all.

conniedescending · 24/02/2009 09:48

Oh fgs cant you find something more important to worry about? People are just making conversation with you - dont be so uptight and snooty.

I have 4 under 6 and get this constantly - and you know what it's true! People aren't judging they are chatting to you and breaking the ice.

just smile and agree and get on with your day - really it's no biggie.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 24/02/2009 09:58

I do think people are just commenting and making conversation, and in fact maybe even being impressed at your management skills, and if you attribute any nasty motives to them it's because you personally have deep-rooted feelings about the whole issue I'm afraid

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 24/02/2009 10:01

I don't like saying people have "issues" but to me it's like being offended by "tall" comments, you would only see them as a problem if you think being tall is a bad thing, IYSWIM?

deepinlaundry · 24/02/2009 10:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

potplant · 24/02/2009 10:07

I have heard this at least once a week since my DTs were born. Its just chit chat and not a personal attack on your ability to cope with 3 kids.

drlove8 · 24/02/2009 10:18

yeah, but its stupid irratating chit chat!.still better than what i get- im often asked if im from the local kids home,when ive got my 8 with me.- am tempted to reply something really nasty , but usually i just say " no, i just like bumping uglies! that shuts them up a treat!, try it! lol the look of shock you get when they realise what your meaning is sooo funny!

jeee · 24/02/2009 10:24

I have it said all the time to me, and just take it as polite chitchat. I was, however, left speechless when one person said to me "you've got your hands full haven't you, are those 4 all yours", pointing to my three kids and my 30something sister.... Ok, so she was in a wheelchair, but she certainly wasn't mine.

Original poster
missfib · 24/02/2009 23:54

it would be chit chat if they said something else with it but they dont they are usually just waklking past and say that one thing!

OP posts:
mrsleroyjethrogibbs · 25/02/2009 07:27

tbh i wouldnt have thought that most people who make that comment mean it in a nasty or malicious way, they mostly are trying to make conversation in a nice way.
I get this with my two and being pg with no.3 so I just smile and say yes I must be insane

angrypixie · 25/02/2009 07:34

Breathe!

I like it when people talk to me about the children and I also have 3, 5 and under. It is just idle conversation not judgement!