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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

for people to keep saying you have got your hands full havent you love !!!

55 replies

missfib · 24/02/2009 01:13

ok so i have 3 dc
1 dd nearly 5 and 2 ds nearly 2 and 6 months,
i cant tell you how many people mainly strangers who say you have got your hands full havent you !!
its really winds me up what the feck has it got to do with them ??
yeah i have 3 dc but i can cope lol.
sorry but i think they should keep that comment to themselves loads of ppl have 3 kids or more!!!

OP posts:
littleboysblue · 25/02/2009 07:54

Lots have people have said it to me. I have 2 dc's, an 18 month old and a 3 week old. People said it through pregnancy too, "You'll have your hands full won't you" and tbh, yes I have atm, but don't think these comments are meant to be nasty or imply that you can't cope. It hadn't even crossed my mind that people were suggesting I wouldn't be able to cope caring for my dc's........
It's just a conversation starter isn't it? So I'd say in all honesty YABU, just relax, who gives a flying one what anybody else thinks?

potatofactory · 25/02/2009 08:01

I've got to say I agree with conniedescending. It sounds kindly meant and simply conversational to me. I would say it! Perhaps I'd better not in case I REALLY piss someone off - really I'd never have guessed it could POSSIBLY annoy someone. Tchoh!

SoupDragon · 25/02/2009 08:03

Get over it. They're only making small talk.

RealityIsMyOnlyDelusion · 25/02/2009 08:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

maddylou · 25/02/2009 08:28

I agree it could be better worded,but what they might be meaning is "Do you want a hand?"just too shy to ask

ScottishMummy · 25/02/2009 08:36

think you are being a bit over sensitive,after all there is a grain of truth in it,you're busy

but yes i imagine it irks after the gazillionith time

my friend has twins,and people do so funny things " oh twins,2 gosh" LOL

andlipsticktoo · 25/02/2009 08:44

I have 3 and had it said to me lots of times when they were younger, but they used to add. "ooh, 3 boys, you must have your hands full!"

It's easy to hear, "You aren't coping v well are you love?"
But actually with hindsight, it was meant in a 'blimey you must be busy' sort of way - which of course I was (still am!)

TsarChasm · 25/02/2009 08:47

Oh dear people making small talk again? How very dare they!

soon2befamilyof4 · 25/02/2009 09:25

I agree that it is not made being nasty or anything similar. I get it but more "You WILL have your hands full" as in, when the next one is born (Have a DD 14months and due April). And I am a childminder so often get it when I have the other children with me too. I just like the fact that people realise it is hard work.

lljkk · 25/02/2009 09:28

It does make me grit my teeth, I didn't mind the first 50 times people said it, but it's quite tedious to keep hearing it after that.

Just keep gritting your teeth, OP; it's not a criticism, just natter.

FairLadyRantALot · 25/02/2009 09:30

what is the problem? FGS people are making small talk, people possibly even try to show that they understand how busy you must be, which can only be supportive...and you get pissed off? Really?
Well, you guessed it...YABU imvho!

flaminhell · 25/02/2009 09:35

Hmmmmmm and whats wrong with that then? Would you rather they say, Hah 3 kids, childs play not as hard as working for a living! Or not as hard as 5! Or would you rather people said nothing and ignored the fact you are even there, and didnt pass the time of day by saying hello!

YABU

mrsgboring · 25/02/2009 09:38

Have had this a few times with my one DS - first time I had it, he was asleep in a sling on my front, so I spread my arms wide and waved my hands saying "Nope not really!" "Fair point" replied the person (who did mean well and I wasn't at all offended)

It is slightly harder to take when they are running off in a shop and the problem is you can't grab hold of them. Then I want to shout, "That's just it, I haven't!" Anything anyone says in that situation is going to aggravate me, but it does seem a particularly witless remark to come out with in the circs.

Sonnet · 25/02/2009 09:39

Maybe people are just trying to be friendly and start a conversation with you???

ScottishMummy · 25/02/2009 15:41

would you rather they said "3 pah what a skoosh" total a dawddle anyone can do that?

galen · 25/02/2009 19:12

I get this a lot and it does get waring. The point is people may only be making small talk - but why about how many kids you have? Do people go up to random strangers with only one child and comment "gee you haven't got many have you?" or "when are you having more kids then?" - I dont know but I suspect not often. So why comment if someone has more than the average ammount of children?
I used to get it when out with 3 of my 6. It would make me laugh as I'd reply "well not now really cause the other half of them are at school!"
Think it does depend how its said though too. Sometimes obviously a harmful comment, but I have had comments that were meant offensively a fair ammount too. ( including "you've got a Bl**dy handful haven't you, youre not having any more are you?"!)It is possible to comment without using the old hands full routine too though. Nicest comment I had was when waiting for a scan when PG with my last DC, lady came up to say how lovely it was to see such a lovely big family and how gorgeous and well behaved they all were - obviously having a rare day of good behaiour LOL)

fruitful · 25/02/2009 19:22

Psychomum that's fab. From now on I shall reply "yes, full of love and fun".

The bit that gets to me about this comment, is that I walk away thinking "when did I turn into this woman that looks like she has her hands full of children? How did this happen?". Then I start hearing the Me Too song in my head. Where did the time GO?

MrsGravy · 25/02/2009 19:23

You can't compare saying 'you haven't got many have you?' because that could be incredibly insensitive - what if it was said to someone with fertility problems?

I don't understand the problem with it to be honest. I've had it with my two so it's not like they're getting at people with big families.

It's usually older people who mean it in a positive way - a handful to them is a good thing, a blessing.

noonki · 25/02/2009 19:41

People say this to me all the time and I take it as it is intended, as a passing comment and an acknowlegement that little children are hard work.

God sometimes reading the things that rile people it doesn't suprise me that the British get called reserved.

wotulookinat · 25/02/2009 19:49

It's just a friendly comment, not meant in a bad way. Lighten up.

duchesse · 25/02/2009 19:53

Some strange woman bounced up to me, utterly unsolicited, in Sainsbury's the first time I went out with my then 4yo, 2yo and newborn, and started waxing lyrical about Depo-Provera. Rude cow. I think I'd prefer people to say I have my hands full... (and they did, and usually just to make conversation, which I wouldn't have minded if it hadn't frequently diverted me from stopping them from throwing themselves in front of passing cars..er, not that it ever happened, you understand)

wotulookinat · 25/02/2009 21:06

What's Depo-Provera?

Tclanger · 25/02/2009 22:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

zookeeper · 25/02/2009 22:12

err they're probably just making conversation. why on earth would you be offended by a harmless friendly comment like that?

YABU

hazeyjane · 25/02/2009 22:16

I quite like it, people say it to me all the time (I've only got 2 under 3), I've always seen it as people acknowledging it's hard work.

Now I'm wondering whether people just think I'm a bit rubbish!

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