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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be upset that my husband has a picture of a woman he works with

28 replies

suzalli · 23/02/2009 18:10

I came home early from work and found a picture of a woman my husband works with in a frame up on his desk where he had been working. I asked him about it and he said he printed it out for her but over the last few days I thought to myself why put it in a frame and put it up on his desk. I asked him again and he could see I was upset, he said that he didn't know why he did it and that he loves me and he started to cry saying nothing has happened. I'm beginning to wonder, if nothing has happened am I being unreasonable to feel upset and cross with him?

OP posts:
LinneyTuckandMingMingToo · 23/02/2009 18:11

YANBU. Nothing may have happened yet but it sounds like he wants it to. Maybe you've caught it early enough to nip it in the bud but you two have got some serious talking to do.
Good luck.

debs40 · 23/02/2009 18:13

I think you need to talk to him again.

YANBU. It is a strange thing to do and I would want an explanation.

I don't think you'll rest until you have spoken properly - perhaps as non-confrontationally as possible and when you won't be interrupted.

mousemole · 23/02/2009 18:13

YANBU. That is quite a strange thing for him to have done. What is she doing in the picture - what kind of pose ? You need to talk.

mrsmaidamess · 23/02/2009 18:14

How weird! Why would he cry?

babyignoramus · 23/02/2009 18:15

Hmmm.

It's a tricky one.

I don't think you should jump to any conclusions - it may well be that he is telling the truth but has developed a bit of a 'crush' - has he been having a tough time recently or have you been arguing?

However, the tears are ringing alarm bells with me I'm afraid. I have been in a situation where I was seeing a man who was a bit of a womanizer and he could turn on the tears at the drop of a hat, which of course would lead to me comforting him.

I think you need to have it out properly.

Original poster
suzalli · 23/02/2009 18:16

He works with her in a bar just the two of them and the picture was of her behind the bar but in a frame? It is odd I know.

OP posts:
dittany · 23/02/2009 18:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

babyignoramus · 23/02/2009 18:18

You need to discuss - if they are friends it wouldn't be at all odd, but it's the reaction that's worrying me. If he had nothing to hide he would prbably be more more offended at you suggesting anything untoward.

Sycamoretree · 23/02/2009 18:20

What would a male friend or colleague mean to you in order for you to frame their pic and put it on your desk, and to make you cry when confronted? If I think about this myself, I can only think of one male friend, gay, emmigrated to Australia, that I would ever possibly do this with, and only among photos of other friends...and I certainly wouldn't cry when asked about it - I'd be happy to say why.

I'm sorry, but it does sound like he has a thing for this lady - whether it's come to anything yet or not is impossible to say.

Original poster
suzalli · 23/02/2009 18:21

thanks everyone, I will talk more. I think the idea of it being a crush is probably what it's all about. I do hope so.

OP posts:
LucyEllensmummy · 23/02/2009 18:27

blimey, good luck with this, i would feel horribly betrayed if i were you.

babyignoramus · 23/02/2009 18:30

Good luck Suzalli. Hope everythings ok.

debs40 · 23/02/2009 18:32

A friend had a similar type of thing but with her husband and a work colleague and Facebook - it was a very silly crush on his part and not at all reciprocated by the other woman.

I hope it goes well for you x

katiestar · 23/02/2009 18:34

YANBU
Alarm Bells are ringing.Sorry if I don't sound optomistic
Not quite sure that 'only a crush' is good news really.He is still betraying tou emotionally which is kind of worse than a meaningless shag
Good luck.Be strong .we are all hear from you if you need to talk

MrsSeanBean · 23/02/2009 18:37

Very odd behaviour - sounds more like a teenage crush type of thing (on your DH's part) than something serious though?

TinySocks · 23/02/2009 18:40

wake up and smell the coffee.

MrsMattie · 23/02/2009 18:41

Hmmm. That is odd and I would be suspicious if I were you.

DandyLioness · 23/02/2009 18:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

pamelat · 23/02/2009 18:50

Is it normal for him to cry? (I admire a man that does but its unusual for my DH) I would be more concerned about his reaction?

tribpot · 23/02/2009 18:53

Very bizarre behaviour. I hope you can have a proper chat with him.

AnyFucker · 23/02/2009 19:08

very OTT reaction (the crying)

what has he done to engender tears

suspicious in the extreme

they work together in a bar?

lots of opportunity for shenanigans then (not saying all who work in bars are at it)

but the combination of the pic, the reaction to questions and proximity to this woman would give me huge concern

I am so sorry

troutpout · 23/02/2009 19:10

yanbu
sorry
hope you get it sorted out

loopylil · 23/02/2009 19:38

are you being unreasonable? ummm no. think of the boot being on the other foot
how would he react if you had a male work colleague printed out put in a frame and on set pride of place on your desk.....? would you cry if he confronted you? why?

grrr... id pick up the picture smash it on the floor and have a complete freak out at him and demand to know exactly what planet he's on... but thats just me. (and my hormones at present) good luck with whatever course you take

GentleOtter · 23/02/2009 19:43

Draw a Dick Strawbridge mustache on it.

I hope you are ok - it all sounds odd and yanbu.

Hulababy · 23/02/2009 19:46

YANBU. I would be concerned and would need to talk much more with him/