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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To take offence at being called a 'F**king Old Witch' by DH?

45 replies

Eve4Walle · 23/02/2009 08:46

We are all going out today, so I have been up since 6am, getting breakfast for the baby who has a bottle when he wakes (which was 6am), breakfast for DD who woke up not long after, making sandwiches, ironing, tidying round and making DH a cup of tea, as well as packing the bags for today.

DH brings the baby up to get him dressed and he's done a big leaky poo, which is all over his back and out of his nappy and requires some cleaning. I'm in the shower and DH starts shouting and moaning about cleaning it and saying he can't cope. Cue me losing my rag at not being able to have even 5 mins peace and telling him he's being silly and of course he can cope. DH responds by telling me I'm doing the 'high pitched squealing thing' which I apparrently know he hates and calling me a Fucking Old Witch.

Rant over, but FFS, can't they cope with anything? And I might be a witch, but I'm not an old one.

OP posts:
MmeLindt · 23/02/2009 08:48

I would be taking the picnic and the children and having a day out without him.

There is no excuse for a man using that kind of language with his partner.

Next time tip the tea over his head.

sagacious · 23/02/2009 08:50

leave him

sagacious · 23/02/2009 08:51

[disclaimer this is my default answer to any question about Dp's being arses]

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 23/02/2009 08:51

Is he like this all the time or usually nice?

barbarapym · 23/02/2009 08:51

I'm with mmelindt!

Original poster
Eve4Walle · 23/02/2009 08:52

No, usually very nice. Not a usual situation, he can be very lazy though, needs a good kick up the arse now and again.

OP posts:
solidgoldbullet4myvalentine · 23/02/2009 08:53

Is your DP normally useless and expects you to service him and everyone else? Or is he normally this free with the insults and bad language?
If he's usually nice and helpful and is just having a bad day, let it go: if this is part of a sustained pattern of contemptous treatment of you it's time to pull him up on it.

PuppyMonkey · 23/02/2009 08:53

I always think these types of thread are really funny, tbh (ie coming on MN in the middle of it, ). You're having what is commonly known as an argument. These things happen.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 23/02/2009 08:58

Yes I agree with solidgold, my DH is usually lovely but occasionally gets stressed out and would say such things, if I were to post at that exact moment people would say he was abusive and to leave him!!

crokky · 23/02/2009 09:01

I think you'll have to let it go if he is usually very nice. We all have our failings I suppose.

I would point out that my DH cannot/will not dress a baby or change a nappy (even just wee) and I have a 2.11yo and an 11mo!! Even when I had norovirus, he could not manage to change DD, he just stood there by me when I was changing her and he had to watch her so she didn't fall off when I went to vomit halfway through. He still couldn't finish dressing her and I had to do that when I returned.

If I had been called a fucking old witch, I would have responded saying that he was totally pathetic firstly for not being able to change a nappy and secondly for calling me a witch just because he couldn't perform a simple task.

insertwittynicknameHERE · 23/02/2009 09:07

I would take the DC out on my own and leave him to it.

DH can sometimes be like this WRT getting all flustered if he has to do more that one thing at a time or something he doesn't like, but he just gets on with it. No way would he moan at me and call me names. No way would I take it TBH.

Is he always like this?

PuppyMonkey · 23/02/2009 09:14

You going anywhere nice, btw?

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 23/02/2009 09:23

My DH is very good at nappies though, I think you will have to get him started on helping with those!!

mayorquimby · 23/02/2009 10:38

and when you "lost the rag" at him was it profanity and insult free?

just for balance like

ABetaDad · 23/02/2009 10:51

Sorry but I think the OP has made a rod for her own back here.

She has not trained her DH early enough to do the nappy changing. Does he really not do nappies? Not even wee?

Men can change nappies even squirty ones.

When everything has calmed down I suggest that the OP gives her husband a lesson using a simple wee nappy AND give him a lot to practice on - yes lots and lots and lots of practice.

mrsleroyjethrogibbs · 23/02/2009 10:52

Sounds so familiar. My dh is a wimp when it comes to nappies but he would have realise that he forfits his cookies for a time for a comment like that. Although I dont think he would actually use words like that

YANBU

LibrasJusticeLeagueofBiscuits · 23/02/2009 11:00

nappy changing is not a gender specific activity. all men are able to change nappies. they should not need to be "trained".
I suggest next time he starts moaning just ignore him. or even better say "yes I agree you have such a hard life and I'm a wicked, evil person" whilst continuing to do whatever you are doing at the time.

mrsleroyjethrogibbs · 23/02/2009 11:32

'its hard being mummy'

seems to work to aggravate my dh

kiddiz · 23/02/2009 11:55

I was thinking the same Libra....no one trained me to change nappies yet somehow I managed to pick it up. With my dh it was never a case of can't change nappies and always a case of wouldn't until he'd exhausted all possible alternatives.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 23/02/2009 11:56

My DH had to train ME to do nappies in the early days, as I was useless at them..the midwife noticed DDs nappy was on back to front and said "was this one of Daddy's"..no, it was one of mummy's!

LibrasJusticeLeagueofBiscuits · 23/02/2009 12:05

lol fanjo, the first nappy I ever put on was back to front as well, when the midwife came to examine DS she said "oh I've never seen this type of nappy before" before realising I had put it on back to front. It made perfect sense to me that the picture went on his bum. ...

screamingabdab · 23/02/2009 12:11

I think ABetaDad was being ironic

Eve4Walle, YANBU, but sounds like it was in the heat of the moment. That said, I know that as a SAHM I can get right royally riled at DH making big fuss about doing something I have to do ALL THE BLOODY TIME.

Our worst public argument was when we were at the swimming pool and the kids were being tantrummy, and DH got all huffy and asked for my help, but I had had a gutful of the pair of them that week, so sang "Welcome to my World" and walked away.
Not v. adult of me, now I come to think of it, but felt good at the time.

MmeLindt · 23/02/2009 12:11

Who are these men who cannot change nappies?

Even my 65yo Dad can change nappies. It is not rocket science.

And why do their wives/partners put up with it?

They don't want to change a nappy, and as long as their wives/partners let them off with it then they are not likely to learn.

Jackaroo · 23/02/2009 12:16

DH has always done pretty much every weekend and evening nappy, ever... but then I was a complete zombie for the first 3 months, so he got lots of practice then.

Back to the OP - that is appalling language, I don't care how bad an argument, I just hope it wasn't in front of the kids (whether or not they understand!). It also sounds like someone who knows they're on a losing wicket though :-)

J

UnquietDad · 23/02/2009 12:17

People often call each other horrid things in the heat of an argument. I'm always amused by the shrill calls of "leave the b'stard" when people have no idea of this is a one-off or a regular occurrence. Like you never have a bad day.

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