AIBU to think that " Plain Speaking" is code for plain bloody rude?

[Janos]

I've noted on here that there are posters who pride themselves on being plain speaking, saying what they think, not caring who they offend etc.

Now, on a thread like this..fine!

But they often pop up on more serious threads too where someone is looking for advice on (for want of a better phrase) a sensitive subject when really, it would be better for all if they just shut up and minded their own bloody business!

I do realise it's the nature of MN and folk can say what they like but don't these "tell it like it is" types have any common sense or compassion?

OP have you ever been on a baby names thread? Because there is a real need for bluntness and outspokenness there - those women need saving, I tell you.

There are some v plain speaking people on mn, but all the ones that I've come across are also much in evidence around the boards being very kind.

I haven't seen anyone doing it to wind people up imo. Also, they do tend to be pulled up pretty swiftly by other posters if a mark is crossed.

Ha ha, no baby names aren't my thing.

But I can see how bluntness and honesty might be needed there!

I have strayed once or twice on to a babyname thread, I do wonder if they need to be renamed AIBU to name my child...?

Well I would certainly agree that there is a lot of kindness, compassion, support and humour on MN. That's why I like it so much!

oooh - Willoughby - have to go and suggest that immediately to mum of 7...

yes I agree with shona - the really rude ones do tend to get jumped on by more than just the OP and told to sod off and annoy someone else.

Yeah as a newby can agree that i get a feeling that sometimes posters are just looking for a battle, went into a thread today (for the wrong reasons) and was shoked at the rudeness of some.
But can honestly say i do love mumsnet, there is a lot of wise and thoughtful woman who share there experience which can be a huge comfort.

The Willoughby thread is live right now. Go do it. All the other names were genuine suggestions too... I am not terribly kind on those threads. I think I told the one who suggested River that "Running Water" was a much better idea - more euphonious like - and reminiscent of a Native American heritage which would be jolly interesting.

I can't remember what I said to the lady who suggested Mungo. It was probably pretty blunt though.

I have been a complete bitch on a babyname thread think I suggested twat as a middle name. I dont think it was a real thread though.

How did your viewing go, TSAP?

TSAP, I just laughed at your last post. Did you really say that?

And BTW sayitasitis thank you

Yes I did [Blush]

It went well quattro thanks for asking, it is hard to tell as we of course are hundreds of miles away and relying on the estate agents and my mum. But they asked for my mums number to call her back about some details and want a second viewing with their kids.

Actually I am lying and I am not as much of a bitch as I remember, I suggested tosspot to go with Tarquin.

In my defence though I have had history with a Tarquin.

I think real problems start when "plain speaking" is code for "I am egotistical twunt, hear me roar." Some people seem to get a kick out of being hectoring and spiteful, and pretending (to themselves?) thatthat's okay, because they're "just telling it how it is". Telling it how it is is fine, and direct and straightforward posters can definitely be a real breath of fresh air. But making personal attacks on vulnerable people is light-years away from that. It's just unpleasant and unnecessary. And when called on it so many people seem to think that nastiness is justifiable because the OP "needed it" or "deserved it". Call me a Pollyanna, but I doubt anyone needs to be made to feel a millimetre high, unless they've incontrovertibly done something vile. Certainly someone who is being bullied by a partner/terrified of birth/worried about their child doesn't, and so often it's distressed people getting this shit.

I also wonder how these people parent. I mean, do they think it's okay if their kids act that way? Or if someone else's kid acts that way to theirs? I'd be so very unimpressed if a child of mine acted the way some posters do.

I wanted to call my son Gabriel. I wasn't allowed.

This was the first ever babyname thread I saw on Mumsnet.

"My parents aren't speaking to me over this. And my sister says I am losing it and should not be naming my child after people in weird cult spin-offs in which people constantly have sex with anything which happens along, male, female or alien especially when it has nothing much to do with the plot. Which is really HER going off on one in typical style!"

I decided then and there that I loved this place.

That was a good thread I don't think it is particularly clever to trash other people's ideas about names unless they are offensive. It's perfectly possible to point out that they may not be well received without being nasty. Also worth remembering that it is highly likely that there is a mum on MNet that has already chosen said name or has that name themselves, and may actually be really upset if you state something along the lines of anyone calling their child x should be shot. That said there have been some corkers

What Qually said. Sometimes you do get a very strong feeling that the outspokenness is not actually very much about righteous indignation or about wanting to protect other people. It may start out that way, but then it seems as if the poster gets carried away and intoxicated by their sense of their own cleverness and suddenly the thread is very much about them and very little about the OP.

People who want to call their child Willy McPenisHedge the Third need rudeness.Also, sometimes I am told I am being rude when I genuinely don't mean to be. I have a v low EQ, apparently.

Qally

Me too (as mentioned in another thread). It's a lovely, strong name (Gabriel Oak in Far from the Madding Crowd).
DH thought it would lay son wide open for teasing.
Only once a year though, surely?

I like MN because it makes me laugh. Anyone who thinks women aren't funny should take a look.

That was a hilarious thread. I particularly liked Expat being laconic and funny about Ianto as a proposed babyname:

"By expatinscotland on Thu 21-Feb-08 15:24:00
Sponsor a dog in a kennel. Call it Ianto."

You'll feel better and no one will get hurt."

If someone is posting because they lurve their choice of babyname, is one thing. If someone is posting because they know they are being fruitloops really, that is quite another.

Actually Qally you explained it better than me.

But my brain has been turned to sponge by a noxious Ben10/Power Rangers combination.

Generally although I enjoy dipping into the baby name threads I find it difficult to understand why anyone would ask for opinions on a name they have already decided they like, given that the prior form is that at least one person will give them a kicking. Different if it is for inspiration.

I try to make sure I don't say or type things I wouldn't be OK with saying to someone face to face. I think it is a good rule of thumb for life in general.

i sometimes wonder if people are rude / outrageous so that they can build a name for themselves as someone on-the-edge / out-there / cod kind of way.

i do think people forget that they're talking to people, not a words typed on a page.

I agree warthog.