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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to STILL be annoyed about something that happened in December?

26 replies

WallOfSilence · 21/02/2009 15:59

Yes, I more than likely am but for some reason I can't form any kind of rational thoughts regarding this!

It was the Saturday after Christmas & it was my ds's birthday. We weren't having a party for him as we didn't have one for dd this year either.

Anyway, my sister lives v.near us & we are all very close. She called me to say they were coming over & I said I was just about to prepare some 'oarty' style food & would I stick on some extra for them & their kids. She said yes that would be lovely & they just had a message to do in the next town & would be right over after that.

So, anyway, I bunged the food in the oven, had a quick clean up & got ds's cake out. Told him that aunt X & uncle Y were coming with the kids... you know, a little bit of excitement...

Anyway, the food was ready & I text her to say it was ready & would they be long... ONLY at that point did I get a text from her saying 'oh yea, sorry, meant to msg you, we've stopped in at the hotel here for some dinner, we'll still call with you, might be late though.'

So I replied saying 'thanks for letting me know, it might've been even better if you said BEFORE I cooked all the extra food'

When they arrived she made a big joke out of me being angry.. things like 'have you cooled down yet' 'steam coming out of ears' etc... I couldn't get her to see that what she done was so bad mannered.

Anyway, something similar happened this morning (Won't go into details here as this post is long enough) & it has just raked all the feelings back again!!

Fully prepared to be told IABU, I know I am a bit not to have gotten over this, I just think it's awful to treat people badly & I seem to let her do this a lot to me!

OP posts:

Thunderduck · 21/02/2009 16:01

YANBU. She was incredibly rude.

PS What's 'oarty food?

SalmonFromTheLiffey · 21/02/2009 16:01

you made porridge for her children?

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 21/02/2009 16:03

party food?

yanbu btw, very rude.

choochoochaboogie · 21/02/2009 16:13

YANBU. Not everyone can afford to cook extra food for guests/family that may or may not turn up - rude. Also not fair to get children all excited just to be let down unnecessarily.

But stay cool and go with the flow.....

fuzzywuzzy · 21/02/2009 16:24

Next time just dont bother cooking for them. If she texts you and tells you shes coming over, tell her to come after they've eaten or bring their own food. Or if they do turn up on the dot, laugh and say oh I thought you meant you would stop off at a hotel and eat there first like you always have done before. But that would be rude and could escalate into a feud........

Original poster

WallOfSilence · 21/02/2009 16:33

LOL I meant 'party food' but didn't preview msg before I hit post!

Yes, I think saying what you suggest fuzzywuzzy could end up in a row, which I don't want, which is why I am angry at myself for still being annoyed in the month of February!!

If the shoe was on the other foot btw it would be a whole other story!

Anyway, I don't want to sound like a moaning minnie.

OP posts:

monkeypinkmonkey · 21/02/2009 16:38

YANBU. It's plain rude. I would talk to her if it's bothering you still when it happened in december. She prob doesn't realise how upset you are over it.

Wisknit · 21/02/2009 16:47

YANBU - I'd be livid

piscesmoon · 21/02/2009 16:50

YANBU. Just assume that she has eaten in future-if she goes hungry she might get the message!

fuzzywuzzy · 21/02/2009 16:53

You see now when you say that if you behaved in this manner towards your SIL she would be livid. Well that tells me she knows she was being extremely rude.

I just wouldnt bother myself next time seriously, give yourself a certain number of times she is allowed ot be rude and then do not allow her to treat you like this. If she texts she's coming over and can you cook for her, dont acknowledge the text, and if she arrives i ntime lok blankly and gasp, oh my goodness you text me? I've been nowhere near my mobile all day I didnt get your message soooooo sorrrrrry....

MarlaSinger · 21/02/2009 17:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

2rebecca · 21/02/2009 17:34

I'd be annoyed. She was rude and thoughtless and should have apologised.

wotulookinat · 21/02/2009 17:48

YANBU. I would still be cross too.

Naat · 21/02/2009 17:52

YANBU at all. Totally disrespectful.

She really seems to be in the "I'm going to a)act as if she's been silly about it or b) act as if nothing has ever happened" mode, which at least in my case, it'd make me fume! I just cannot stand when people do that...

Fuzzywuzzy and MarlaSinger's suggestions are not bad at all, tbh. Try not to be toooo obvious (so as to avoid a row) but go ahead.

Tclanger · 21/02/2009 17:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TweetleBeetle · 21/02/2009 18:01

She is incredibly rude, I too would be furious and wouldn;t cook for her again.

If she mentioned anything about being hungry I would just smile sweetly and reply, oh I'd have thought you'd have eaten, you usually do and leave it at that.

PerArduaAdNauseum · 21/02/2009 18:05

To my mind, the worst consequence of her behaviour is not the wasted food, but that your DC were looking forward to seeing them, and disappointed. What's the more recent incident that brought this to mind? YANBU btw.

deadlyscorpion13 · 21/02/2009 18:32

I agree with MarlaSinger, next time don't do any extra food etc, might teach her a lesson, might not if she is anything like my sil.

Original poster

WallOfSilence · 21/02/2009 19:05

The more recent incident is that today I had to deliver something belonging to her dh.

I called last night to say I was going past her house at around 2pm today & if she would be in I would drop it off then. She said she didn't think she would be going anywhere today so I could call at anytime.

I called at about 2.15 & she wasn't in.

I wasn't there for anything other than to drop off her dh's item so it didn't cause me any great distress that she wasn't in, but the item is worth quite a lot of money so I decided I would go 2 miles further up the road to her MIL & drop the item there so I knew it would be safe.

Anyway whilst I was driving to her MIL I met my sis & handed her the item.

She said she had been in town since 9am & had totally forgotten I was stopping by, but she needed new shoes for a night out & had been & got her nails done! (again, not my business, but when she told me she would be in all day, to come at any time, even after I had given her a specific time I would stop by, I kinda expected her to be there.)

She doesn't do these things in a snidey/bitchy way, she's just a total air head. She has said before & will always say that she comes first & everybody else has to fit in with her...

I guess I should be used to it by now, it's not just me she does this with BTW, so that's why I don't take it personally!

OP posts:

piscesmoon · 21/02/2009 19:24

I think you will have to stop fitting in! For example tell her or DH that you have got the item and to phone when they want to collect to see if you are in. She is unlikely to change.

Leo9 · 21/02/2009 19:26

I think you need to tell her that you're really pissed off and angry. It is crazy to still be stewing on stuff she did in Dec - it can't be good for your health! Speak up!! Why not? Why shouldn't she experience the natural consequence of being thoughtless? Is there a reason you protect her from that?

Time to get a bit more cynical in your dealings with her I think; if you have something she or her DH wants, then they come and get it themselves, you don't run around after her.

oo I could shake her for you; you sound far too nice to her.

Earlybird · 21/02/2009 19:36

Don't tell her you're pissed and angry. She won't understand, and maybe won't care since this is standard behaviour for her. Somehow it will end up being you who is the uptight/angry one - just as you were when she turned up late in Dec with flippant comments instead of an apology.

Think you need to begin to manage your expectations - ie, don't have any where she is concerned. Be civil, but don't make ANY special and/or extra efforts. Enjoy her when you see her, but don't go out of your way. Stifle your generous impulses where she is concerned, as they seem to backfire.

Save your time/energy/thoughtfulness for someone who will appreciate it, and someone who will also reciprocate.

Helen31 · 21/02/2009 23:15

YANBU - your last post coincidentally confirmed what I was thinking - selfish airhead. I think piscesmoon makes a very sensible suggestion - stop doing things for somebody who is never going to put themselves out for you.

SalmonFromTheLiffey · 22/02/2009 09:28

You should have left it on their doorstep and if it was stolen, and they were cross, said "oh silly willy sister is cwoss is she?" and made light of it.

Well, maybe not. don't listen to me.

Naat · 22/02/2009 10:04

Oh my, SalmonFTL, I'm laughing so hard!!

And again, WOS, YANBU...

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