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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

ok, am I being precious about my daughters tutu's, or is DD1 taking the piss [hmm]........not sure whether to be irritated or stunned at her sheer bloody cheek!!

50 replies

psychomum5 · 20/02/2009 19:53

DD1 went clubbing on monday (her first try, and gave me kittens, but have had the thread already), and, as it turned out, her and her friends all wore tutu's (the hot fashion for clubbing it seems).

anyhooooo

I assumed when she came home that the tutu she was wearing was one she had bought that day out of her pocket money.

seems not.

as of last night, (when two girls returned theirs), I discovered that the tutu's they all wore were the ones I have bought for each of my girls for their ballet, hence, pricy decent dance tutu's!!!

she helped herself out of the dance wardrobe. No asking 'please mum', no even letting me know, just took them. Five girls in total (inluding DD1) benefitted out of them.

now, they have all been returned (bar one, but accounted for anyway), and none are damaged from what I can tell, altho they had been embelished (sp?) for medals and the girls took off the sparkles....meainng I have to re-sew them, and it did obviously save DD1 wasting her money on a one off.

but

they are what I class as 'mine'........they have been bought for the thre of them to use, and I intend to sell them on once the girls have grown out of them, so I don;t actally think the girls can call them 'theirs' and use them as such.

having said that.........her sheer damn cheek made me grin (away from her of course, I am not that stupid).

however......................what do I now say. I am actually angry, but DH thinks that as I never specified that they could never use them, then really I cannot now kick off as DD1 could possibly have an arguement against me.

but surely, at 14, she knows how much things cost, and what I fork out for them, and obviously by NOT asking, she knew that I would say NO. I only found out cos the girls returned them to ME!

argh.....

I hate teens.................

OP posts:
PenelopePitstops · 20/02/2009 19:55

shes testing the boundries!

let her know its unacceptable

louloulouise · 20/02/2009 19:56

Sorry, she was going clubbing at 14?

Sassybeast · 20/02/2009 19:57

Am sure they looked fabulous and if it wasn't for the extra work that it's given you, I'd be inclined to let her away with a lecture. The potential for them to have been damaged was HUGE so I'd be tempted to dock a bit of pocket money if thats the sort of thing she responds to ?

But discos in tutus ? Sounds cool

TrillianAstra · 20/02/2009 19:57

You have to re-sew sparkly things?

I think not.

Old enough to go to a club is old enough to do sewing, especially since she took them off in the first place.

Original poster
psychomum5 · 20/02/2009 19:57

loulou.......I have done the thread.....it was an organised under 18's, so completely safe

OP posts:
littleducks · 20/02/2009 19:57

i would yhink that for her to wear one would be ok but she should have asked before lending to all her friends

differentID · 20/02/2009 19:58

I would say that she can forget about the next one for being so underhanded and deceitful.

twinsetandpearls · 20/02/2009 19:58

She is taking the piss, can you make her sew the things back on?

Original poster
psychomum5 · 20/02/2009 19:59

not that I felt like that on monday night of course

I have the grey hairs as proof.

trillian, seriously, she may be doing textiles at school, I DO NOT TRUST her near my tutu's

OP posts:
louloulouise · 20/02/2009 19:59

Ahhh, hope she had a brill time then - I'll take my judgy-pants off now .

Def think she should have asked before taking though!

giraffescantdancethetango · 20/02/2009 20:00

Round here they walk around the streets in luminous tutus and matching leg warmers

LadyGlencoraPalliser · 20/02/2009 20:00

I'm with TrillionAstra on the sewing. Your DH is right about the fact that she needed to have been told in advance it was not allowed in order to kick off - but now she will know for next time.
I feel your pain btw - those things are expensive.

Nontoxic · 20/02/2009 20:02

I think if you hadn't clearly said they were 'yours' it was fair enough for her to wear one (and showed initiative), but lending to her mates was out of order.
Not much you can do in retrospect, other than make clear you expect to be consulted in future (and make them all do the sewing).

Original poster
psychomum5 · 20/02/2009 20:02

am glad I posted here....seems you are all on my side with the being cross!

OP posts:
LadyGlencoraPalliser · 20/02/2009 20:08

Am on your side, but I can also see that my 11-year-old is already developing that 'teen blind selfishness' thing where they literally cannot think beyond their own requirements so you really do have to spell everything you expect of them out as they just don't get it.

Original poster
psychomum5 · 20/02/2009 20:13

TBH, going on the responses so far, I think I will have words (ie, tell her that she needs to ask about stuff like this in future cos I am irritated), but I will be inclined to think along thos line lady.....that she is being a normal selfish teen who is thinking only of herself, and not the wider picture.

and hide the tutus in case she tries it again.

oh, and lay down some more obvious ground rules, and spell it all out to the letter IYGWIM!

OP posts:
Kimi · 20/02/2009 20:15

I think it was rude at the very least to just help herself and to lend them to her friends was very very cheeky

springlamb · 20/02/2009 20:27

Definitely she's spending the weekend with the needle and thread in hand.
Oh, I well remember going 'clubbing' at 14 - at the under-18s on a Tuesday night at the Cats Whiskers dancehall in Streatham.
[And the indignity of coming out at 9.30 and being met by my mum who had been in the bingo hall three doors down]

Knickers0nMaHead · 20/02/2009 21:32

I used to go propper clubbing at 14

Yep, just tell her in future she needs to ask.

mylifemykids · 20/02/2009 21:36

'dance wardrobe'?!! Excellent, I can't wait for DD to have one of those!! (and that's not sarcasm!)

I agree with her helping you sew everything back on. She should have asked...would you have let her borrow them if she had?

lollipopmother · 20/02/2009 21:39

Oh, well I don't think it's a massive crime, if she wears the tutu for dance class then she probably thought it was hers for whatever other type of dancing she wanted to be doing! . If the other tutus aren't used by her though then yes I think she should've asked to lend them to friends.

If she's taken things off them then she should be put to work sewing them all back on, cheeky mare!

Leo9 · 20/02/2009 22:25

I think if you've bought them for your girls, they are theirs not yours. Have you made it crystal clear that the tutu's are 'yours' and going to be sold on?

I just think you might be being a little over-controlling of the tutu's!

Madmentalbint · 20/02/2009 22:41

Little minx

My DD went to her first ever under 18's event (a one off) last week so I know how you're feeling!

I do think the fact she didn't ask to use them and lend them to her friends hints that maybe she thought you'd probably say no. Well I know that would be the case with my DD in that situation

I think you're right to be cross and she should help put the sequins back on

TrillianAstra · 20/02/2009 22:43

If I had been sent to ballet when I was little would I be all graceful and coordinated now? Or would I have been like an elephant/hippo anyway, but one in a little leotard thing? (doubt I would have got as far as the tutus)

LadyGlencoraPalliser · 21/02/2009 01:08

I always wonder that myself Trillian. I begged for ballet lessons but my mother felt they were not for 'people like us'. Whatever that meant.