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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

ok, am I being precious about my daughters tutu's, or is DD1 taking the piss [hmm]........not sure whether to be irritated or stunned at her sheer bloody cheek!!

50 replies

psychomum5 · 20/02/2009 19:53

DD1 went clubbing on monday (her first try, and gave me kittens, but have had the thread already), and, as it turned out, her and her friends all wore tutu's (the hot fashion for clubbing it seems).

anyhooooo

I assumed when she came home that the tutu she was wearing was one she had bought that day out of her pocket money.

seems not.

as of last night, (when two girls returned theirs), I discovered that the tutu's they all wore were the ones I have bought for each of my girls for their ballet, hence, pricy decent dance tutu's!!!

she helped herself out of the dance wardrobe. No asking 'please mum', no even letting me know, just took them. Five girls in total (inluding DD1) benefitted out of them.

now, they have all been returned (bar one, but accounted for anyway), and none are damaged from what I can tell, altho they had been embelished (sp?) for medals and the girls took off the sparkles....meainng I have to re-sew them, and it did obviously save DD1 wasting her money on a one off.

but

they are what I class as 'mine'........they have been bought for the thre of them to use, and I intend to sell them on once the girls have grown out of them, so I don;t actally think the girls can call them 'theirs' and use them as such.

having said that.........her sheer damn cheek made me grin (away from her of course, I am not that stupid).

however......................what do I now say. I am actually angry, but DH thinks that as I never specified that they could never use them, then really I cannot now kick off as DD1 could possibly have an arguement against me.

but surely, at 14, she knows how much things cost, and what I fork out for them, and obviously by NOT asking, she knew that I would say NO. I only found out cos the girls returned them to ME!

argh.....

I hate teens.................

OP posts:

TrillianAstra · 21/02/2009 01:17

Only posh children did ballet.

I didn't ask for them, I think I must have known that I would never be petite and dainty ;)

TheOriginalTrillian · 21/02/2009 09:01

Just be glad it was your DD that took them and not your DS then you would have to worry

PersephoneSnape · 21/02/2009 09:25

o rilly?

nothing wrong with men in tutus

oregonianabroad · 21/02/2009 09:37

Think a chat about how you felt about it and why you are angry is perfectly in order, but I wouldn't go over the top: at least she told you where she was going!

Simplysally · 21/02/2009 09:43

I'd be annoyed at them being loaned out without my permission and there would definitely be a talk about acceptable boundaries in future. They could have been ruined so who did your dd think would be paying for any replacements?

Btw, where can you buy cheap tutus to go clubbing in?

[puzzled face]

Original poster

psychomum5 · 21/02/2009 19:42

I am sorry everrone for posting and running last night.......issues arose with a friend at home and I have spent all day feeling pretty crappy.

anyhooo....back to DD.

she has been told that they are indeed NOT her own personal property. not least because 1), they are very expensive (altho not in the £100's), and 2), they are for the THREE of them to use for dancing, hence just WHY they are not hers and hers alone!

sewing back on, she will be doing some, me some. I need to let her do it slowly and properly, and if I don;t help, she won;t do it properly I fear.

leo, nope, I never did ballet

trillian, very good point about it not being one of the DS's

sally, cheap tutus are eless than dancing tutu's. I think they can be bought in the cheapy shops aimed at young girls.

oregan, also, good point.

OP posts:

blossomsmine · 21/02/2009 23:48

This made me laugh abit, not at you by the way lol! Its just what my eldest dd gets up to aswell! These tutus are the thing for clubbing aren't they.....my youngest does alot of dancing aswell and there is no way i would let them use proper tutus for clubbing. They buy cheap ones from the market for clubbing/fancy dress/or just looking stupid lol!

TrillianAstra · 21/02/2009 23:50

Bugger. She has done it. I read that and thought 'I didn't say anything about your DSs'.

Original poster

psychomum5 · 21/02/2009 23:53

.....so the original trillian is not you then???

sorry, thought you were on a fun name-change for something....

blossom, if the markets sell them guess where I will be sending my dear darling daughter next week

OP posts:

nappyaddict · 21/02/2009 23:54

Hmmm I'm not sure about this one. I think they should have asked if they wanted to take off the sparkles but I would probably consider them your DDs' tutus and not yours. Ok so you paid for them and will sell them on when they've finished with them but you also buy their clothes and I'm pretty sure you wouldn't call their clothes yours?

Original poster

psychomum5 · 21/02/2009 23:59

yeah, but.....

((I sound like he now don't I)).

the tutu's are kept in my room, in the dancing wardrobe (all the dance costumes kept in here, their dance uniform is kept in their room), and as such, she actually came into here and took stuff without asking, which in one way is fine, but then, she knows not to go thru the wardrobes in my room without checking first as I keep presents in the same wardrobe. (altho that is probably entirely besides the point).

plus, the costumes are things that are for shows, as are the tutu's..........................NOT FOR CLUBBING IOW!

OP posts:

blossomsmine · 22/02/2009 00:01

I just expected my dds to know that the proper tutus are far better quality, normally a dance 'make' and far too special to be used for a night out....... My eldest did suggest using dd2's nice bright one but i think the look on my face gave her the answer and she shuffled off to the market!!! £4.99 for really bright (quite nice colours!) tutus!!

Original poster

psychomum5 · 22/02/2009 00:08

blossom, I too expected DD to know, hence why I didn;t feel the need to point it out, and why this has made me cross!!!

she does know now tho, altho I haven;t ranted, more pointed out to her how much they cost and a little thing about respect (and asking).

£4.99 for a tutu for clubbing tho.......thats more like it

OP posts:

TrillianAstra · 22/02/2009 00:16

Nope, not sure if it's someone trying to wind me up or what but she's been on exactly 3 threads, all in the last 2 weeks, all ones that I have been on (and the first was the WWW what do you do if someone namechanges like you thread, althugh she posted so late on that I didn't see it until today when I searched her).

The actual 'original' Trillian (the person whose name was just 'Trillian') posted on one thread in 2005, so I thought she wouldn't mind me using the name ;)

I'm glad that someone likes my name enough to want to share it, but hoped that her having put something in front of the 'Trillian' part would make us suitably different.

Gaah, this is just what she wants.

Where can I get a £4.99 clubbing tutu?

nappyaddict · 22/02/2009 00:20

I suppose it depends if they are allowed to come in your room as they please to use other stuff. I was always allowed in my mum's room to use whatever I liked make up, perfume, hair driers etc.

woody2shoes · 22/02/2009 00:20

I agree, she should have asked. If she thought it was ok to go ahead and take the tutus surely she shold have known it was wrong to take off the sparkles. (teenage ignorance).
Can i just ask at what age is it ok to attend an under 18's disco? ds is almost 13, all his friends are goning i have said no.

nappyaddict · 22/02/2009 00:21

I first went at 13.

thumbwitch · 22/02/2009 00:22

agree with TrillianAstra re sewing - let it be her punishment for slyness in taking them without permission and altering them.
And tell her to buy her own out of her pocket money!

woody2shoes · 22/02/2009 00:34

yeah probably was about the same age for me, although i just think he is too young i trust him its others i dont trust!!!! I was very young when i had him so being 13/14 and clubbing is still quite fresh in my mind, (hmm).....it is in june, poor thing has asked in advance so has his friends....

woody2shoes · 22/02/2009 00:38

sorry for trailing off the orig thread, just seen the chance for advice on this :0

TrillianAstra · 22/02/2009 00:40

13 yr old boy will probably go once and find it boring (a club when you are nt allowed to drink and too shy to dance when the opposite sex can see you?) so you just have to grit your teeth once an he won;t ask to go a second time.

woody2shoes · 22/02/2009 00:48

yeah the prob being that he is very outgoing loves dancing, being trendy n being with the "boys", who are all into girls n techno music, God i sound old, your right i have to grin n bear it, have checked with other parents n they all seem fine to let their kids travel on a 20 min journey to a disco/club....due ds2 in april so i will prob be to tired to argue with him near the time....

blossomsmine · 22/02/2009 21:47

Mine was about 13 and half when i let her go to the under 18 nightclub, didn't want her to go then though! All her friends were going and in the end i felt abit mean, i waited until her bestfriend was 13 and then they both went. My dh annoyed me though, he said i (yes me, not him) had to sit in the pub all night, over the road from the club and watch that she stayed in there all night etc,) I was so annoyed with him, told him if he didn't trust her then he should park himself in the pub alnight

Kbear · 22/02/2009 21:54

Kbear still pining to go clubbing in a tutu.

Yes, she is cheeky mare, doesn't appreciate the cost involved etc etc but she is 14, that's what they do! I would tell her it's annoyed you, and not to lend stuff to others without asking you first as ultimately you pay for things. Or you will lend her iPod/ [fill in your own blank] to the woman over the road!!

mumeeee · 22/02/2009 22:02

I agree with your DH you bought them for your DD's and probably didn't realise she wasn't allowed to wear hers. But she should have askes to use her sisers ones. Costumes I have bought for my DD's to wear for plays,dance classes etc are theirs. The same as ordainary clothes I've bought belong to them.

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