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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Warning- MIL moan alert

38 replies

Monkeygi · 19/02/2009 21:18

Actually not really a moan, a genuine question of my possible unreasonableness.

My MIL used to be an infant school teacher. She quite often says to ds2, who is 15 months, "ooh Grandma will have you reading before you go to school".

Not much, you might think. But it really, really gets on my nerves, to the point where I've mentioned it to dh. He thinks I'm overreacting. But -here's the thing- reading is my 'thing'. I'm a writer. I am more than capable of teaching my son to read.

I will add that, as a family, they are all blowers-of-their-own-trumpets to quite a large degree, whereas I, and my family, are more contained about our talents. Maybe this has something to do with it.

So? AIBU?

OP posts:
2pt4kids · 19/02/2009 21:19

It doesnt sound that annoying to me.
Perhaps its the one thing she is confident that she can help with and pass on her wisdom and is looking forward to remembering her teaching days again.

WhatFreshHellIsThis · 19/02/2009 21:20

Hmmmmmm. Possibly a little oversensitive, but then I think it would get on my nerves too.

You're going to teach your ds about 99% of life, though, so maybe let her think she'll teach him to read. She probably won't.

myfunnynametaken · 19/02/2009 21:20

call her bluff

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 19/02/2009 21:20

Hmm, maybe a bit U to be bothered about it now. Just teach him yourself when he's 3.

Original poster
Monkeygi · 19/02/2009 21:28

I thought perhaps I was being a bit U. It's just that she's a very crowding sort of person who always makes out that her way is the best way.

Gnaargh.

OldLady- she's said she'll have already taught him by 3!!! I'll have to start now, I reckon.

OP posts:
seeker · 19/02/2009 21:32

Just remember, you can't teach them to read til they are ready to learn. And it's quite unusual for them to be ready to learn at 3! Quite early enough to learn to read when they go to school - there are so may other things to be doing in the precious pre school years!

StayFrosty · 19/02/2009 21:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Monkeygi · 19/02/2009 21:41

Is that right, StayFrosty? Am a bit out of touch as it's been years since ds1 learned to read. But then MIL started teaching about 40 years ago so even more out of date!!

She mentioned flash cards- do people really use these? I thought it was only those nerdy parents in Parenthood?

OP posts:
StayFrosty · 19/02/2009 21:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Monkeygi · 19/02/2009 21:52

MIL retired about ten years ago I think. But she was a teacher in South Africa so different system I think.

OP posts:
StayFrosty · 19/02/2009 21:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Monkeygi · 19/02/2009 22:30

I don't know. I think I feel that if I said anything, I would be accused of taking her too seriously, it was only a joke etc etc. Which maybe it is.

I think I just feel like this because they're all so sure of themselves and their talents and abilities and......... well I'm not, I suppose.

Sigh.

OP posts:
takingabreakhels · 19/02/2009 22:41

Hmm, a hard one. Difficult to leave, difficult to confront. Is it enough of a problem for you to have it out with her? Anyway, why would it be important for ds to read by 3? Surely encouraging an enjoyment of books rather than a knowledge of words would give him a longer term interest in reading.

Original poster
Monkeygi · 19/02/2009 22:46

Not sure that the goal is to teach him to read but rather to prove that she can teach, iyswim. They are all a bit competitive.

OP posts:
moonweazel · 19/02/2009 22:46

I had a similar chat with my mum about my ds and them teaching him his times tables. i let it slide for ages and then had a massive at a dinner party for family and friends.

it did work and they haven't mentioned it again!

moonweazel · 19/02/2009 22:48

Should have read "massive arguement"!

Original poster
Monkeygi · 19/02/2009 22:54

Maybe I should wait and see if she says it again and then say something then? Or is that cowardly?

OP posts:
ChippingIn · 19/02/2009 22:57

YANBU I can hear her now myself... it's the way she says it that pisses you off upsets you isn't it - and it makes you feel, like she thinks, you couldn't/wouldn't do it as well as she could/would. Frustrating for you (and so is having a DH that thinks the MIL can do no wrong, or that you should just 'ignore her' when what you want to do is throttle her....).

moonweazel - WMSL - nothing like an audience to make them listen

Original poster
Monkeygi · 19/02/2009 23:06

DH does indeed believe that she can do no wrong ChippingIn. But then, he was the perfect child, apparently. (His op and his mother's!!)

Gnargh. Tis a conspiracy.

OP posts:
StayFrosty · 19/02/2009 23:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Monkeygi · 19/02/2009 23:13

StayFrosty you're spot on. I guess I just need to stand up for myself a bit.

That, and urge SIL to have a baby so focus is drawn away from ds!!

OP posts:
piscesmoon · 19/02/2009 23:13

I should just smile and change the subject. It is unlikely to happen anyway-unless you have a very complient DC. She will need to be seeing him on a more or less daily basis.
He may not be ready to read-if he is he will just soak it up like a sponge anyway. What she does is really immaterial.

toddlerama · 19/02/2009 23:34

Reality is that teaching a child to read young takes daily, dogged effort. Is she even around every day? My sister has taught her 14 month old to recognise certain written words, and he enjoys it so it's fun, but what's the point of learning so young really? Huge advantages to learning to read before starting school though. Maybe let her dabble, but she wont be able to teach him to read if she's only around once a week or whatever.

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 20/02/2009 00:40

"Reality is that teaching a child to read young takes daily, dogged effort." Hmm, I dunno, I recall when I was 3 and my elder sister was doing her reading practice with mum, I used to hang about and listen in. Because of that, I picked up reading at the same time as her - much to her chagrin, when I "got" words she was struggling over!

steviesgirl · 20/02/2009 01:09

I think you are being a bit sensitive. After all, she was a teacher and it's probably just natural to her to want to get your son off to a good start with his reading; she is his proud grandma, and can't wait to help him with his reading, she will enjoy it too.

I don't think she is doing it to annoy you in any way. All grandparents can be like it. My MIL can be like it with her own opinions on what is best for dd. I just let it go in one ear and out of the other now, although it used to bother me more. I guess you become immune to their "mothering". After all as the child's mother you are "the boss" and nothing changes that fact. My MIL knows that, she won't push her ways too far with me.