Warning- MIL moan alert

[Monkeygi]

Actually not really a moan, a genuine question of my possible unreasonableness.

My MIL used to be an infant school teacher. She quite often says to ds2, who is 15 months, "ooh Grandma will have you reading before you go to school".

Not much, you might think. But it really, really gets on my nerves, to the point where I've mentioned it to dh. He thinks I'm overreacting. But -here's the thing- reading is my 'thing'. I'm a writer. I am more than capable of teaching my son to read.

I will add that, as a family, they are all blowers-of-their-own-trumpets to quite a large degree, whereas I, and my family, are more contained about our talents. Maybe this has something to do with it.

So? AIBU?

My mum taught me to read at 3 with flashcards. It didn't matter in the slightest whether it was at variance with the methods used at school as I could already read by the time I got there (5). I just read "bigger" books.

I hope to teach DS to read in the same way, he is already fascinated by books and words in them (at 14.5mo) so I hope he will maintain the interest!

And, OP, I don't think you are being strictly unreasonable - it would wind me up too! But I think it is standard grandma vs mummy stuff so best not to let it get to you too much. The only problem will be that even if you do start to teach him, grandma will do so as well and she will take the credit for it, regardless! Teach him French instead

If it's any consolation, when we spent 3 weeks with MIL back in October, she was using some baby words/phrases that drove me NUTS - but since she wasn't going to see DS for another several months, I just bit my tongue, knowing that DS wasn't going to remember them!

That was my whole point OLKN, if he is the sort of DC that soaks it up like a sponge then no one can stop him learning to read by himself-my DH picked it up for himself at 3yrs just by being read to. If a DC can't do that she needs to be around daily (or at least several times a week).
There is really no need to get drawn into a silly argument-just smile, let it go over your head and change the subject.
I think that there is a huge advantage in reading before they go to school -but not to the extent of hothousing babies! You have to be led by the DC-your MIL may find that he isn't interested or won't sit still long enough.

It's the principle isn't it? someone treding on your toes or trying to get one up all the time... The way my MIL goes on it's as if no other woman in the world knows what is best when bringing up kids apart from her....

I think you are being a TAD unreasonable, although i would feel pretty much the same. I just think that grandma's "thing" is teaching and she feels she wants to share this with her grandson. I think its nice. Although tbh, i don't think she will be able to do it unless he is a natural reader as she probably wont be able to spend the time with him. I don't think learning to read is about sitting down and learning, just picking up bits here and there. The best way to help with reading is to help them to love books by reading to him and sharing books in a non pressured way. If grandma wants to spend time doing this i think its pretty great tbh. Tis better than wanting to fill him full of sweets and buying tacky toys and dvds (like mine do!).

I could read by the time i started school at five, but it even out and i was much the same as my peers when i left.

I found with both my mother and MIL it was best not to get into arguments-smile and ignore. They get the message in the end and give up!

Totally piscesmoon. Only thing that worked with my overbearing MIL. Looking blank and then continuing doing things your own way.

It took a while but eventually they get it-without any unpleasantness. I even got grudging respect as in "pisces does it her own way"! If you keep battling away you never win-they generally get the last word. It also isn't worth quietly seething about-let it go over your head and ignore.
I always tell my DSs to ignore each other if one is winding the other up-they can't do it!

piscesmoon (sorry a bit of hijacking going on) exactly HOW do you GENUINELY let it go over your head (as opposed to appearing to, but quietly seething)? GENUINE question not at all sarcastic....could do with some help

My MIL is going to teach the DC-to-be judo. Am quite pleased really!

I suppose that I was fairly lucky ChippingIn,in that my mother and MIL are easy to get on with and not overbearing so they did allow me to change the subject. If they had been more aggressive I suppose I might have seethed. I also didn't live close.
If you laugh about it with DH it helps!
In the case of OP it wouldn't bother me because the practicalities of doing it make it virtually impossible. She also isn't taking into account that DC may not want to be taught by grandma!

Oh - my mother has said this a few times as well. She too is a teacher, albeit at secondary school.

Anyway whenever I mention anything about BabyGoodBits going to school, once I said somehting like I was a little concerned that being a July baby he might be behind other children in his class, she will say something like "Oh, don't worry. I'll teach him to read before he gets to school and he will be at the top of the class"

1. I'm not worried
2. She has never sat and read to him, let alone teaching him and we see her every week
3. I just smile and ignore. He is picking up bits and pieces at nursery and I read to him most days.

So you might find that even though she is saying it, she might not actually do anything about it. It's just her way of feeling involved.

Hi Monkeygi

"I think I just feel like this because they're all so sure of themselves and their talents and abilities and......... well I'm not, I suppose."

I can so relate to that. I have a lovely MIL, but with the imminent arrival of DC1, I was getting myself in a real tiz about how I would cope with her natural exuberance (she gets excited, expresses her views - I know, totally unreasonable, not). The plan I have worked out for me, fwiw, is to be really clear in my own head that it is for me and DH to decide how we bring up DC, so that MIL can express opinions/offer advice but we get to decide what actually happens. Don't know if it will help you, but it does help me to have those really simple models in my head.

How I might apply it in this scenario could be to start a conversation with MIL along the lines of "DH and I have been thinking about how we interest DC in reading, and our plan is this...". With my lovely MIL, I know that she would want to be supportive of our plan, so would start thinking about how she could do that. Of course other, less lovely MILs, would possibly try to undermine... you know which sort you have!

I knew I could rely on the wise mumsnetters to give me back a sense of proportion! Thank you all. It is nice to know that others agree to having the same feelings sometimes but you're right- it could be worse (too many toys, sweets etc).

I will keep repeating the mantra :- smile and ignore smile and ignore smile and ignore.
Although we see her every week-at least twice usually- there's no way she'll have the time to teach him to read. Help ME to teach him maybe .

I reckon it'll be okay -so long as she doesn't try to take all the credit.

Thanks everyone!!