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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I feel let down...

45 replies

susia · 18/02/2009 20:09

I met a new man a couple of weeks ago, he has a daughter a similar age to my son. The first night we went out and just went for a couple of drinks, the second time we met up with our kids and this evening he was supposed to come round.

He was supposed to come round at 8pm so I rushed round all evening after finishing work, making sure I had had a bath, washed my hair, we'd eaten early and my son was going to be asleep by 8 when he rang at 7.30 to say he had food poisoning.

Although I feel sorry that he is unwell, I feel quite annoyed that he couldn't have even sent a text earlier on so I could have known earlier. Do you think it's just an excuse? AIBU to feel let down

OP posts:
ByTheSea · 18/02/2009 20:12

I've had food poisoning before and it's quite possible he was too ill to call, IYKWIM. I don't blame you for feeling let down, but think you may be being unreasonable.

Original poster
susia · 18/02/2009 20:12

what does anyone think? do you think he should have let me know earlier? or do you think it was just an excuse ...not sure what to think

OP posts:
Original poster
susia · 18/02/2009 20:13

bythesea - thankyou for answering - you may well be right, but a text isn't hard is it?

OP posts:
Lindenlass · 18/02/2009 20:13

I think YABU - give him the benefit of the doubt and start being suspicious if he makes a habit of it. WHat if he's only just thrown up and called you as soon as he could?

Original poster
susia · 18/02/2009 20:14

lindenlass - it's because he said he'd been ill all day

OP posts:
Lindenlass · 18/02/2009 20:15

Maybe he thought he'd get better. Seriously, if it's the first time he's done it, then give him a chance!

SheWillBeLoved · 18/02/2009 20:16

He could have been asleep, woke up, realized the time and then called you.

I'd be inclined to believe him this time. At least he had the decency to call and not just not turn up. Better late than never as they say..

Don't arrange another meeting, let him do it. If he did use food poisoning as an excuse not to see you, then he won't be trying to arrange plans any time soon. If he was genuinely ill, there is no reason for him to not rearrange tonight.

cory · 18/02/2009 20:16

Well, he might well have spent the day leaning over the loo and unable to speak.

HairyMuff · 18/02/2009 20:16

I'd be peed off too, and then feel guilty for being peed off if he is genuinely ill. But there again I am always suspicious when people cry off.

The logic in me says give him the benefit of the doubt on this occasion but be on the lookout for clues he wants to knock it on the head next time.

Thankyouandgoodnight · 18/02/2009 20:17

Put it this way - if I was really looking forward to an evening and I'd been ill all day, I would cancel at the absolute last minute as I would want to be damn sure that I was too ill and couldn't push through it and I wouldn't know that until the last minute. Also - he rang and didn't text plus if he has a daughter, he would have been trying to get her in to bed too and perhaps he thought he would see how he felt once she was down?

Give him the benefit of the doubt....

ginnny · 18/02/2009 20:17

Maybe he was hoping he'd feel better and was hoping he'd still make it ... I understand you feeling let down, but I think you should give him the benefit of the doubt this time.

solidgoldbullet4myvalentine · 18/02/2009 20:18

Give him one more chance. It is possible that he couldn't actually get off the loo to go and find his phone until now - or, as SWBL said, that he was trying to sleep it off and lost track of time - food poisoning is pretty horrible.
But I'd feel fed up, too in your situation.

lenny101 · 18/02/2009 20:19

You feel let down because you're disappointed, you're disappointed because you were looking forward to it. That's really nice. I wonder if he was leaving it till the last minute because he really wanted to come over? That would be good. There's nothing quite like your own home when you're throwing up and needing to run to the toilet every 10 minutes.
I wouldn't jump to conclusions right now. Think about what your next date might be.

Original poster
susia · 18/02/2009 20:20

thankyouandgoodnight - his daughter is with her mum so he wasn't putting her to bed. Thank you though probably was genuine just feel let down and feel that he could have got to the phone earlier

OP posts:
MinkyBorage · 18/02/2009 20:20

I'd be pissed off, but I wouldn't believe him either. If he really cares, he'd have bothered calling. Having said that, I wouldn't tell him this, I would pretend to believe him, be sympathetic and let him do the running next time, and hope that he proves me wrong. Complicated, moi?

Original poster
susia · 18/02/2009 20:23

MinkyBorage, I know I sounded pissed off and not very convinced on the phone but I did say I hoped he'd feel better soon etc. He asked what I was doing this weekend and we have friends to stay, I nearly said come over tomorrow if you're better but managed to stop myself (from sounding desperate!)

OP posts:
Original poster
susia · 18/02/2009 20:24

I also just managed to stop myself from saying 'you could have let me know earlier...'

OP posts:
MinkyBorage · 18/02/2009 20:26

Ah, hope he's a good 'un. Good luck.

SheWillBeLoved · 18/02/2009 20:26

See how your next date pans out, and see if he's the one to arrange it. Don't tar him with the lying bastard brush just yet, seems like you really quite like him so give him a chance to redeem himself!

mej3 · 18/02/2009 20:27

Have you saw him since the kids and you met up?

Original poster
susia · 18/02/2009 20:29

no not seen him since then why?

OP posts:
mej3 · 18/02/2009 20:32

Just wondered if maybe his dd is giving him a bit of a hard time, children not always the most understanding about new relationships.

Original poster
susia · 18/02/2009 20:36

don't think it's that mej3, both kids quite young (5 and 7) and got on amazingly well, but his dd is away all week so don't think that's the reason.

He's probably telling the truth but just wonder if he's the sort of person who doesn't think (ie to let someone know earlier).

To be honest, if I could have arranged it I would have arranged for my DS to have a sleepover tonight as I was kind of hoping he might stay over tonight . Just as well I didn't!

OP posts:
WinkyWinkola · 18/02/2009 20:39

No, well, you're really disappointed. And that makes you feel miserable and pissed off. Disappointment is the hardest thing, I think.

I think he should have sent a text earlier but obviously don't know how ill he is.

Chalk it up to experience for now and perhaps suggest you go round with a box of chamomile or peppermint tea bags and chicken soup over the next few days?

mej3 · 18/02/2009 20:40

heeheehee, you would have needed clean sheets, and not for a good reason! Hope it works out for you.

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